haiku 17 May 2018

Seventy million
Born-again conservatives

Threaten liberty

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 10 Sep 2017

Fished hooked, flopping
High-seas ships lashed together
Seaborne liberty

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

foreigners gain liberty

In what some are calling a dire blow to America’s cultural heritage, the White House today approved a controversial deal to sell the property known as Independence National Historical Park to a consortium owned in part by investors from Saudi Arabia and Macau. “We’re excited to maximize the profit potential of our new investment,” said Ibn Faik alMaz’zoud, spokesperson for the consortium, speaking from the steps of the former government property, in downtown Philadelphia. “Entrance fees to the site will rise in accordance with increased security and a shared desire to keep out all but the best and most economically-viable visitors.”

Other historical sites up for sale are the Gettysburg battlefield in central Pennsylvania, George Washington’s birthplace in Virginia, as well as Battery Park in New York City. Various monuments in country’s western states are being considered for increased ore and mineral extraction, to the delight of lobbying groups and mining companies hungry to profit from the sale of soil-bound resources, which since the nation’s inception have belonged to all Americans, equally.

“We can’t have this stuff just sitting around costing America money,” said a White House staffer speaking (leaking) on condition of anonymity. “The more we can shift upkeep, tour guiding, maintenance, hauling, and extraction tasks to corporations - foreign or domestic, it’s all the same - the more cash America will have on hand to do things like launch cruise missile strikes on Syrian villages and give tax breaks to wealthy citizens.”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Liberty grew lopsided

The Tree of Liberty grew lopsided, one side of it green and youthful, the other brown and decayed. Watered for many decades only by the blood of patriots, we the American people had all but forgotten the Tree planted to mark the sacrifices our ancestors had made to free us from foreign oppression.

Since the days when the yoke of British domination had been shrugged off, the fetters that had enslaved us to the will of a distant king cast away, we had allowed instead a domestic tyranny to sink its roots deep into our fertile soil. Wide it had spread its tendrils, grasping vines dripping with poison that had permeated all branches of government in such a way as to make it indistinguishable from the dominating fetters long before shattered. Such was the reach of this tyranny that it had climbed halfway up the Tree of Liberty, to choke the last of its life away. When one of its roots was dug out, however, the other roots would grow thicker, the persons empowered by this tyranny too rich and greedy, their stranglehold on the throat of Lady Justice too firm. But the blood of tyrants could water the Tree of Liberty back to her former glory, and but through united effort could We the People rid ourselves of the oligarchy that ate daily of our sustenance. We had allowed the vines of tyranny to cut us off from one another, though, its sickly leaves our tablets, televisions, and cell-phones through which broadcast the hollow speech of angry talking heads.

Only by standing together, three hundred millions united and strong, could we prevail against these tyrannical injustices. Splintered as we are, however, the sacrifices made by our brave forebears will come to naught, and the Tree they planted for us will soon be pulled crashing down.

americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥

personhood for Liberty?

Following the recent decision by the government of India to grant full personhood status to the Ganges and Yamuna rivers, members of the U.S. legislature are mulling a similar move for the concept of Liberty. Trampled upon by legislative decrees that stifle free speech as well as current police practices that deprive citizens of their property without due process of law, Liberty has had a hard go at things in America.

Supporters of the attempt to grant personhood to Liberty are facing down these opposition groups, among others: ones that profit from America’s immoral, unethical, and unwarranted use of violence and war-like force at home and abroad (i.e. the military-industrial complex); ones that profit from the incarceration of American citizens for possessing drugs these citizens wish to use (i.e. the prison-industrial complex); ones that receive taxpayer fund as a reward for engaging in high-risk speculative behavior (i.e. the banking-industrial complex).

In the unlikely event that Liberty is granted personhood, any individual or corporation that violates the Constitutional rights of Americans to live in peace with the various peoples of the world whilst altering their bodies with whatever drugs they choose without having to pay trillions of dollars to bail out greedy bankers; any individual who, or corporation that, abuses his responsibility toward the welfare of all Americans equally (this responsibility being itself indistinguishable from Liberty); such an individual will have his Liberty taken from him for no less than three days and no more than one year’s time, and such corporation will have its own personhood revoked and its assets redistributed for the betterment of all Americans equally (in the form of infrastructure, community gardening, or guaranteed basic income projects or the like).

In betting houses around the world, the chances of American Liberty gaining personhood stand at 10,000 to one.

americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥

Liberty receives facelift

Nearly three (3) full years after purchasing her from a bankrupt and failing Ynki government, ‘Liberty Enlightening the World’ will receive an extensive facelift. The massive copper-clad iron statue has been thoroughly inspected by a group of restoration experts, who estimate their efforts to repair weather and transportation damage will take roughly two (2) years. Standing proudly on Mad Spit, an island situated in the Yalung river near downtown Grig, ‘Liberty’ is the pride and joy of many Grigovians. The repairs will be be paid for and managed by a crowdfunded and not-for-profit group of local craftspersons. As per a recent press-release, the group plans to donate all excess funds to locate orphanages.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

the people speak

As part of its drive to rid itself of superfluous institutions, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia prepared to hold referenda during most of November in order to gauge its citizens' mood for sweeping societal change. “For months now, branches of the National Group to Reinstate Liberty (NGRL) situated around Grigovia have been scouring the most successful and most free cultures of past and present looking for methods to govern and regulate consensual human interaction in as unobtrusive a way as possible,” said Uontoyest Inndt, deputy director of NGRL. “After chewing over and filtering out those elements most likely to secure the Blessings of Liberty to the greatest number of people in a society, we are ready to present our findings to the Grigovian citizenry and allow them to decide how great a leap they are willing to take in their quest for freedom and equality.” Grigovia has shut down a number of its branches of government, among them most of the Taxation Bureau, the long-defunct Censorship Bureau, and the Bureau for the Control of Deadly Substances. Former government employees are receiving training to help them reintegrate into the civilian economy. Organs of government scheduled to stay open but slated for restructuring are the Department of Civil Defense, the Department of Education for Youth, and the Department of Bridges and Roadways. Citizens are invited to contact NGRL or comment on this article with additional suggestions for how it should proceed. Huzzah, and long live Liberty in the glory of gregarious Grigovia.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

Liberty shines anew

Under the vigilant eye of the country's leading metallurgic and molecular chemists, and funded primarily by generous financial contributions from average Grigovian citizens, a small army of technicians has started to apply layers of non-toxic chemicals to the exterior of Liberty Enlightening the World. The American government had sold her to Grigovia after de-funding its Park ​Service, and since then the statue has been carefully resurrected on Free Spit (formerly Mad Spit, for the insane asylum once located there), an island that rises from the Yalung River in the heart of cosmopolitan Grig. “All we need now is a good hard rain,” said Dr. Fiyennd Gharszt, who designed the witch's brew being applied to Liberty's copper panels. Once activated by water, the chemicals will turn her golden once more, a flashing shining goddess for all the world to see. “The water-activated compounds bind to any piece of oxidized copper, loosening it from the substrate at the molecular level and allowing it to run down the supple folds of our lady's flowing robes, where it will collect in catchment basins at her feet,” said Eleinna Hyourst-Rahdt, a former molecular biologist and current volunteer who manages a portion of the donated funds. While it is inevitable that some of the runoff will enter the sparkling Yalung River, Dr. Gharszt was adamant that it posed a threat to neither flora nor fauna and that it would in no way negatively impact farms or wildlife downstream. “We have been testing these compounds for months,” he said, “and in every scenario, the bits of oxidized copper separated from the molecules to which they were bound shortly after the bonding took place, whereupon they settled to the ground and were absorbed into the sediment without a noticeable impact on river grass or fishes. As it meanders through the moraine field north of Grig the Yalung naturally picks up its of tin, gold, and copper; our meager contribution will hardly matter.” Renovations to Liberty Enlightening the World are scheduled to be completed in time for the second the Glorious Republic of Grigovia's yearly independence ceremonies, on November 20th, during which it commemorates its self-liberation from Persian rule in 250 B.C.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

Grigovia seeks help

Realizing suddenly the extent to which it has been acting counter to the goal of enabling its citizens to live in Liberty and foster it amongst themselves, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) announced a nationwide voluntary reeducation campaign. Additionally, the country is taking steps to shut down all ministries and public functions but those absolutely necessary to maintain the country's infrastructure, keep her people healthy, and provide for the safety of her borders and sovereign ground. Former government employees are being offered no-cost vocational training before being reintegrated into the private sector. (Grigovians not currently working for the government are invited to also attend vocational training of their choice so long as they make a firm commitment and show up for class on time.) Most of the funding for these measures will come from the sale of massive stores of conflict-free rare earth minerals stockpiled over the last decade by the Ministry of Natural Resources. Return To Liberty (RTL), as the campaign is being called, is expected to cost in the billions of euros, although, after it has taken affect fully, taxes will drop into the single digits nationwide. RTL is the brainchild of Grigovia's prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend, her cabinet, and a number of privately funded think-tanks, among them Grigovians United for Freedom (GUFF) and Central Asians Realizing Liberty (CARL). Physical copies of F.A. Hayek's book the Constitution of Liberty are available for pickup at all local police stations as well as for download on the prime minister's website. RTL passed both houses of the Grigovian parliament with little debate and much applause. Thallandia Yündlennd, crown princess of the Grigovian quasi-royal house (a symbolic order costing less per year than the price to replace a few manhole covers) welcomed the move, saying: “The House of Yündlennd applauds the decision of the fine people of this land to shed the last vestiges of misguided intellectualism. My grandfather, who abdicated shortly after the Great Depression out of protest over reactionary measures being enacted at that time would be proud.”

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

America doffs Liberty

Citing its ongoing disregard for the Constitutional directive to secure the Blessings of Liberty for millions of its citizens, the federal government of the United States of America officially abandoned its stated purpose. “We recognize that spying on the People without securing warrants for each intrusion, and denying Americans the right to choose what substances to put into their bodies, has revealed to a candid world that we've given up on the founding principles,” said president Barack Obama at a Rose Garden press conference. “Therefore, we'll continue the process of distancing ourselves from any and all mentions or references to Liberty, a process that started with the sale of the statue known as Liberty Enlightening the World to Grigovia, a Central Asian nation.” Having written the following: in subsection 1 of section D of the Student Guide Introduction of AFSS 0910, a training document, that the persons who founded the American republic were violent extremists; and in subsection 1 of section E of the same document, that speaking about individual liberties, states' rights, and ways to make the world a better place are examples of extremist behavior; the Department of the Army of the United States ordered a redesign of its official crest. “We reject the notion that freedom is an essential component of American society, and are therefore removing the Phyrgian, or Liberty cap, from our emblem,” said John McHugh, current Secretary of the Army. “Henceforth, on the seal, the tip of the sword will be fully visible, to symbolize our unfailing dedication to striking first without regard to consequence.” Plans announced today also call for the removal of artwork depicting the Phyrgian cap from the Senate, and elsewhere. If the government continues its destruction of civil rights, watchdog groups expect incidents of civil unrest to increase as Americans begin to realize the full extent of federal skullduggery.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia preserves past

Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Franz Kafka, and Hunter S. Thompson are but a few of the authors who slept at the Faraway Home for Travelers in downtown Grig. For the last 150 years, the three-story structure on the north shore of the Yalung River has sat wedged between an abandoned brick factory and a defunct dirigible manufacturer. Growing interest and trade in the Glorious Republic of Grigovia's vast reserves of lithium and other rare-earth minerals has allowed this landlocked Central Asian nation to skirt the worst of the ongoing global recession and to sink large sums of money into improving the lot of its citizens. As part of a neighborhood revitalization project that has included purchasing the Statue of Liberty from a tyrannical U.S. federal government, Grig's city planners have decided to expand the footprint of the Faraway House for Travelers and turn it into a national monument. The first and second floors of the adjacent brick factory to its west will become additional dormitories as well as workshops and living quarters for local artisans, and the roof – all 4 square city blocks of it – will be converted to green-space complete with groves of trees, meandering walking paths, and wilderness areas set aside for local weeds and plants. A portion of the cavernous interior of the dirigible hall to its east will be strung with zip-lines, and a climbing wall will grace the entire 5-story expanse of that building's southern wall. Additionally, there will be an archery tunnel, a paper airplane launching platform, numerous sitting and viewing perches, and a green roof reserved for persons seeking to exercise their Liberty (do a bunch of drugs) while watching the setting sun grace the majestic spires of the Yiptlong massif to the north. The Faraway Home itself will be completely overhauled inside and out (while preserving any priceless graffiti left behind by its illustrious former inhabitants), wired with an encrypted T-1 data connection, outfitted with a enough solar panels to make it nearly self-sufficient, and staffed by friendly and accommodating multi-lingual Grigovians versed in self-defense, first aid, and the art of hangover elimination. If you are looking for a place to let loose, love Liberty, and languish luxuriously, Grig's own Faraway Home for Travelers is the place for you. Please, come soon. For more information visit farawayhomeingrig.gv.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovian princesses born

With little fanfare and less public fuss, princess Thallandia Yündlennd of Grigovia recently gave birth to healthy twin girls. The heiresses to the (perfunctory and largely ceremonial) royal house of this small, landlocked Central Asian nation were born in the wee hours of Saturday morning to the aforementioned princess and Reginald Augustus Steele, a U.S. born author, artist, and social critic who can trace his ancestry to the founding of the American republic. Now that his liaison with princess Thallandia has borne fruit, two of the world's strongest hereditary lines have merged: a Son of the American Revolution and direct descendant ​of the Founders of the Virginia Colony, Mr. Steele walks in Beauty, working tirelessly to safeguard Liberty; and Her Somewhat Royal Highness Ms. Yündlennd can trace her ancestry all the way back to wise old king Krukuv himself, who in the 14th Century married a fierce-eyed princess of the most powerful Yaelong tribe and later dug the first tunnels under now-cosmopolitan Grig. “It is good that so few people have taken notice of this event,” said a radiantly glowing princess Thallandia during an on-line video interview. “We are glad to have received only a handful of cards from well-wishers, and happy that we can go about our business without being hounded by hordes of paparazzi.” In the background of the high-definition video up-link, Reginald Steele, whose presence causes hearts to stir, nodded sagely while tending to his newborn children. Thallandia continued, saying, “According to a recent census, the Grigovian people tolerate the House of Yündlennd for the following reasons: we maintain traditions such as the monthly Celebration of the New Moon, which is also a national women's holiday; we live modestly and do not parade around in gilded coaches; we spend our time and resources advancing the causes of personal liberty, self-sufficiency, and world peace; and most of all because we stay out of politics and watch as the citizens of this fine land rule themselves through an efficient and direct democracy.” The twins – born in summer's heat – carry the names Shimur and Freya.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia bans drones

Citing the actions of the community of Deer Trail in America's Colorado as its primary inspiration, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia banned weaponized and spy-equipped drones from its airspace. Henceforth, the only drones allowed in the skies above this small, landlocked Central Asian nation are those used by accredited and licensed organizations to search for and assist in the rescue of missing or imperiled persons. “In order to protect the privacy, lives, and rights of our citizens, we pledge to aggressively counter any attempts by imperialistic foreign powers – especially by the United States of America – to operate aircraft in our skies with the intention of maiming, murdering, spying on, or killing,” said Teyriyest Uscht, deputy Minster of Defense of the Sovereign Airspace. “Furthermore, we offer a reward of 75 units of your currency of choice for proof of a downed UAS (unmanned aerial system) – proof would include pieces of fuselage, sections of wing, or any other component that have distinguishing markings upon them.” Both Grigovia and Deer Trail encourage their citizens to proceed with diligence, patience, and ferocity, and to defend Liberty by actively fighting oppression.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Snowden granted asylum

In a calm and business-like parliamentary maneuver every last minister and elected official with voting rights in the general assembly of the Glorious Republic Of Grigovia voted to extend political asylum as well as full citizenship to one Edward Snowden, the brave young man who exposed the cruelty of Ynki imperialism and outed Barack Hussein Obama as one of the worst American presidents on record. In the official statement released shortly after the vote, a united Grigovia said (referencing, of course, the book Catch 22 by Joseph Heller): “Qui ils sont les Snowdens d'antan? Well, Snowden is fucking here, maybe hiding in the vasts tunnels under Grig, maybe holed up in the deep caves that dot the Yiptlong massif, and he's not going anywhere – not to Guantanamo Bay nor to the purple plains of misery – so fuck off, Ynki scum, and leave this hero of Libertie and Free Speech alone.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

CDC - DEA joint venture

Working closely with specialists in Atlanta, Georgia, the Drug Enforcement Agency's (DEA) top brass has expanded its rules and guidelines for regulating nearly every aspect of the lives of average Americans. In addition to persecuting individuals who affect the body with drugs, the tyranny-minded DEA is adding a suite of new parameters for regulating and punishing persons who have excess or insufficient body weight, strange or unconventional haircuts (such as the mullet, Iroquois, or tonsure), tattoos and other bodily modifications such as facial piercings, poor dental health, or an overall lack of proper hygiene. While it already has the power to force the People to take any pills they may not have been taking, to force them to eat their recommended daily allowance of fiber, and to make sure they do not exceed their weekly ration of hard spirits, this most recent expansion of the DEA's power surprises no one – not anarchists, not neo-anarchists, not even communists, socialists, republicans, neo-republicans, libertarians, nihilists, or vegans.

Said DEA junior press agent Yhett Redunindab, ”It has long been legal for the individual to cut off his nipples, to seal those nipples in airtight containers, and to insert and display the severed discs of flesh in translucent plugs that fill his stretched-out earlobes – but no more. Upon consideration, we, and our infallible colleagues at the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), concluded that such external disfigurement is no different than the internal disfigurement caused by smoking dope or snorting crank, and that, therefore, we can punish anyone who should remove and display his man-teats in such fashion.” An information packet handed out after the briefing outlined additional regulations, such as a prohibition on tattooing designs other than those approved by one's state legislature, the outlawing of religious attire (bonnet, habit, or hijab) by women, the forced consumption of one's recommended daily allotment of pork, and bans on bulimia, obesity, sloth, jaundice, and the wearing of baggy or sagging pants, shirts that bunch up in the back, popped collars, magenta-colored silk blouses, and socks that are visible above the shoe-rim.

“If a person should think she can just go out and get a unicorn design cut with ink into her left forearm, that person would be thinking wrong,” said Mr. Redunindab while being escorted by heavily-armed civilian contractors to a row of idling black vehicles. “The body is not the individual's property to do with as she pleases, nor do the parameters of Liberty cover activities such as mainlining horse or not eating healthily while within the privacy of one's home. We are watching, we are listening, we do not need warrants, and we shall be making sure that everyone plays to whichever tune we decide, arbitrarily, is best.” When asked how he thought the public would respond once they found out the extent to which the federal and state governments were violating the Constitutional directive to secure the Blessings of Liberty equally to each and every citizen, the agent simply pointed to the individual who had asked the question and laughed as two unsmiling, teeth-grinding contractors dragged her by the hair and threw her in a nearby river.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

cop-be-gone

Have you ever run into a power-maddened, nitpicking, racist, or similarly mentally-challenged police officer? Do you find yourself occasionally pulled over on the side of a desolate highway in the middle of the night staring at an angry stranger as he bangs on your car's window with a two foot long flashlight? Have you ever left your house and been accosted immediately by a gravel-voiced man who appears to despise you completely, from your hair to your clothes to the way that you walk?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, grab a pen and paper, and take down this number: country code 001 line 8973302746 extension 5390 sub-chapter 418 desk 0. By calling this short, easy-to-remember string of digits, you will summon to your side a pair of Enforcers of Liberty, impartial agents charged with securing your constitutionally- guaranteed Blessings of Liberty and dedicated to preserving your right to pursue your Happiness any way you see fit so long as you are not infringing upon the Happiness of any other person.

Enforcers of Liberty are trained in the Socratic method, in the pacification of irate police officers, and in at least three different martial arts. These agents defend your freedom, and they will stay by your side until the forces of repression harass you no longer. They are not armed with knives, or guns – among their tools are a pure heart, a firm grasp of the English language, an immovability similar to that of a stone wall, and an firm dedication to the preservation of individual Liberty. So don't delay – call today (we'll keep those pesky cops away).

(To summon a pair of Enforcers of Liberty to your side, dial [001] 8973302746, select extension 5390, choose sub-chapter 418, ring desk 0, and ask for help.)

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia buys Liberty

In an effort to celebrate the ideals inherent to this awesome goddess – she who has favored the nation throughout its tumultuous history – the Glorious Republic of Grigovia purchased the Statue of Liberty. “In America, it's sad to say, we don't really follow her lead anymore,” said Frank O'Shea-DiTomasso, a longshoreman from Staten Island, New York, who was in the hold of an ocean-going vessel securing a copper-clad arm for transport. “Most people I know are slaves to their jobs, to the things they own, to televised programming, and to little pieces of papery cotton that have dead guys' faces printed on them. It's a shame to see her go, but, at day's end, few around here will miss the old dame.”

As a nod to the tremendous power of freedom, Grigovia now requires all citizens older than 18 years to pass a course designed to teach them how to make the best and fullest use of their Liberty. Individuals are given two options upon completion: they can either have their identification cards embossed with Liberty's crown-and-rays or the symbol tattooed onto a prominent part of their bodies (using a specially-formulated, non-toxic ink that glows in ultra-violet lighting). The most popular area is the top of a hand; some go for the forehead; and a few get inked on neck, throat, and cheekbone. (The tattoo's prominent placement serves as a constant reminder of the person's oath – sworn before a magistrate and sealed with freshly-spilled blood – to protect Liberty from anyone who might do her harm.) People who attend the course learn the importance of both communal cooperation and individual sacrifice, and that one is expected to do as one pleases so long as one's actions do not infringe upon the life, Liberty, or property of any other person. The course is designed to fill the citizen with a strong sense of both personal responsibility and quiet humility so that he or she does to body, mind, and property as he or she decides will best effect Happiness. (Liberated individuals may consume any drug they wish, cut their hair as they wish, and speak freely without fear of repercussion so long as they are not inciting violence.) Plans are in place to drastically reduce police forces once enough civilians understand the power of deliberate action and embrace the joyously peaceful task of mutual prosperity.

“This is to be Lady Liberty's new home,” said Uwelda Iyetast, acting curator of the new Museum of National Liberty, while standing on the masonry pad upon which the goddess shall soon rest. After six months of restorations, the statue will be reassembled on an island in the Yalung River located in the heart of Grig, the nation's capital. (A lunatic asylum from the 19th Century that had previously occupied the island burned down during post-Soviet upheavals; it was fully demolished last year to prepare for the iconic statue, although most of the building's iron superstructure was used to build pedestrian bridges that lead to the Museum.) With tears of joy in her eyes, Mrs. Iyetast explained the history of the statue from its inception to the present day, ending her speech with a standard Grigovian ritual, tossing flowers and libations into the shifting winds of Fortune so as to guarantee Liberty's safe arrival. “Unlike the people in her former home, we Grigovians are well aware of the dangers of allowing people to just do whatever they want and calling it freedom,” the curator said. “Liberty works best when individuals let every action, thought, and word resound with joyous Happiness.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia recognizes independence

As a sign of solidarity to all peoples who struggle for their freedom, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) officially recognized their independence. In a declaration, GROG first defined the concepts of both independence and Liberty before listing the peoples whose efforts it supports. These include the Tamil of Sri Lanka, the West Papuan tribes of Indonesia, the Lakota Sioux of the United States of America, the Tuareg of nations across the Sahara, the Mapuche of South America, the Kurdish minorities in Central Asia, and the Palestinians in the Middle East.

“We fought the Soviet empire for many years, pouring out blood, sweat, and tears in our efforts to free ourselves from the yoke of oppression,” said Djaindoglast Bilyend, deputy head of the Grigovian foreign ministry. “As a result, we shall never stop fighting for Liberty, justice, and independence, or for the right to choose our own course in this world – for the fleeting beauty of self-determination. Now, we hold aloft the torch of Progress as a beacon to downtrodden peoples the world over by which they might find their way back out of slavery.”

Grigovia held a summit for leaders of the aforementioned independence movements in the fortified halls of the HM Queen Pylta Hotel. After a sensible meal of czabtyip wine and tchuirff – a local pastry made of acorn flower, goose meat, and sharp curry – prime minister Dr. Alaia Estoyast pledged financial and material support to all peoples who yearn to be free. “We weep for your fallen, we bleed when you are cut, and we stand alongside you every step of the way,” she said, to thunderous applause. GROG, a small, landlocked nation, is readying teams of advisers that it will send to meet with and train the various militias, as well as any government-in-exile, but only by request, never forcefully. Progress has already been made: thanks in part to Grigovian efforts, the United Nations recently granted the Palestinians observer state status, much to the consternation of the freedom-hating governments of America and Israel.

(For a list of downtrodden peoples, please visit http://ministry.foreign.gv/independence.)




mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

coat armor, Grigovia (rough draft)

cop map debuts

In an effort to reign in the power of America's various police forces and to hold them accountable for their actions, cities across the land have subscribed to a new system for tracking police officers' location and activity in real-time. Pulling data automatically from GPS units already installed in most of the cruisers used by law enforcement today, the system – which is unofficially called Watch-Watching – also relies on input from the officers themselves. By entering an activity-specific code into his laptop computer at least once every fifteen minutes, the public servant tells the system what he is doing, be it patrolling, looking for a suspect, following up on a report, lurking, violating somebody's Constitutional rights, or just plain acting the fool. If the code as entered does not match paperwork filed following an arrest or citation, the system will help individuals wrongfully targeted by the pigs prove that their rights were abused or that they were discriminated against; alternately, codes that do match paperwork can be used to strengthen an officer's case.

Watch-Watching allows ordinary citizens to keep tabs on the persons tasked with keeping them safe. By logging onto QuisCustodietIpsosCustodos.net (Latin for “Who watches the watchers?”), regular citizens can note the location and direction-of-travel of any police officer in their vicinity so that they might go about their business without undue exposure to a role-crazy, rule-heavy cop. Since 11 September 2001, many police departments and tens of thousands of individual cops have convinced themselves that every traffic stop will bag them the next bin Laden, that the protections clearly defined in the United States Constitution do not exist, and that all citizen who step outside the lines – even if only briefly – deserve to be stopped, questioned, and kicked in the head while handcuffed. Today, Americans are 8 times more likely to be killed by a police officer than by a terrorist; instead of protecting us from external threat, many police officers have themselves become internal threats, abusing rights, ending lives, and generally treating us – their pay-masters and the persons they are charged with protecting – with malicious and murderous contempt.

Such abuses of power must end; such overreaches must stop. Only through united action might we guide our police forces back into the roles which they filled for so long – those of selfless helper, trusted protector, and honor-bound guardian. Watch-Watching is just one tool in the citizen's arsenal, just one means by which she can protect her Liberty from abuse, her body from violation, and her virtue from destruction. Other tools include: filming unlawful or overly aggressive police activity and forwarding that footage to copblock.org; knowing one's rights and, more importantly, actively protecting them; maintaining awareness of this growing internal threat by speaking with one's peers and encouraging civic leaders to join in the struggle against persons who think that badges confer special rights. As with any new tool, Watch-Watching will only be a strong as those who wield it; we at Mentiri Factorem Productions suspect that certain police departments and officers will find ways to hide their movements so that they might continue to abuse the rights of non-violent civilians and innocent pursuers of Happiness alike, murdering and maiming to their hearts' content. Therefore, dear reader, keep your head on a swivel, a song in your heart, and drive it like you stole it. Mahalo.

© mentiri factorem fecit; 場黑麥