Grigovia files suit

At the International criminal court in Den Haag today the Glorious Republic of Grigovia filed suit against both the United States of America (USA) and Israel, alleging that these nations willfully and indiscriminately used chemical weapons against civilians. Basing its lawsuit on sound and verified data (see also here, here, and here) proving that America's Armed Forces used chemical agents in 2004 during its illegal occupation of Iraq, and on proof that in 2009 Israel saturated civilian targets in Gaza with white phosphorus, Grigovia seeks to strengthen the world-wide ban on the use of chemical weapons. Furthermore, the framers of the legal action aim to secure reparations and damages for the tens of thousands of victims of the chemical weapons used by the USA and Israel, mutated and mutilated individuals who suffer the day-to-day effects of this criminal behavior. “The time has come for the silent to be heard, for war criminals to come to justice,” said Grigovian foreign minister Dr. Eiyast Hyuyend. “These crimes would have likely have gone unpunished if America in its insantiy had not just a few weeks ago given the use of chemical weapons as its primary reason for wanting to invade the sovereign nation of Syria. War crimes are not subject to statues of limitation; the architects of the destruction and enslavement of the Iraqi people shall pay for what they have done.” Primary defendants in the case are former U.S. president George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, and Donald Rumsfeld. Grigovia is one of but a few nations proud and courageous enough to repeatedly stand up to American and British tyranny. Given the ongoing and blatant disregard for Justice, humanity, and the opinions of mankind displayed by the USA, few people expect America to suddenly start acting honorably.

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Grigovia recognizes independence

As a sign of solidarity to all peoples who struggle for their freedom, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) officially recognized their independence. In a declaration, GROG first defined the concepts of both independence and Liberty before listing the peoples whose efforts it supports. These include the Tamil of Sri Lanka, the West Papuan tribes of Indonesia, the Lakota Sioux of the United States of America, the Tuareg of nations across the Sahara, the Mapuche of South America, the Kurdish minorities in Central Asia, and the Palestinians in the Middle East.

“We fought the Soviet empire for many years, pouring out blood, sweat, and tears in our efforts to free ourselves from the yoke of oppression,” said Djaindoglast Bilyend, deputy head of the Grigovian foreign ministry. “As a result, we shall never stop fighting for Liberty, justice, and independence, or for the right to choose our own course in this world – for the fleeting beauty of self-determination. Now, we hold aloft the torch of Progress as a beacon to downtrodden peoples the world over by which they might find their way back out of slavery.”

Grigovia held a summit for leaders of the aforementioned independence movements in the fortified halls of the HM Queen Pylta Hotel. After a sensible meal of czabtyip wine and tchuirff – a local pastry made of acorn flower, goose meat, and sharp curry – prime minister Dr. Alaia Estoyast pledged financial and material support to all peoples who yearn to be free. “We weep for your fallen, we bleed when you are cut, and we stand alongside you every step of the way,” she said, to thunderous applause. GROG, a small, landlocked nation, is readying teams of advisers that it will send to meet with and train the various militias, as well as any government-in-exile, but only by request, never forcefully. Progress has already been made: thanks in part to Grigovian efforts, the United Nations recently granted the Palestinians observer state status, much to the consternation of the freedom-hating governments of America and Israel.

(For a list of downtrodden peoples, please visit http://ministry.foreign.gv/independence.)




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Grigovia severs ties

Israel's wanton shelling of civilian areas and its stated objective of bombing Gaza back into the Stone Age were cited as some of the reasons behind the Glorious Republic of Grigovia's (GROG) move to withdraw its diplomatic mission to that Middle Eastern nation. Additionally, Grigovia's legislative body issued a decree condemning the hostile acts perpetrated by the land-grabbing, toddler-bombing Israelis, asking kindly that they remove their ambassador and shutter their embassy on Embassy Row in beautiful downtown Grig. Regarding a potential loss of productivity resulting from these actions, all citizens we interviewed and every politician with whom we spoke agreed that belt-tightening and personal privation were preferable to hands stained with the blood of innocents. Many Grigovians are employed in the extraction and refinement of rare-earth-minerals, which are much sought-after by armed forces and weapons-technology companies around the globe.

The severing of ties extended beyond Grigovia's legislature and foreign ministry as scores of businesses throughout Grig's industrial belt canceled contracts or withdrew bids with Israeli companies involved in the latest bloodshed, with the Zionists' heavy-handed military actions against highly populated areas being given as the primary cause. The local organization Home for Orphans of the Israeli Occupation of Palestine (HOIOP), which maintains not only hospitals in the Gaza strip and the West Bank but also numerous full-service complexes across Grigovia has announced a drive to raise funds to provide newly homeless Gazans with food, shelter, and medical attention. (Persons interested in donating to HOIOP are asked to phone its national headquarters at 772 0198-233.)

While he was packing up his few belongings, Tharmol Cheuryind, Grigovia's (now) former ambassador to Israel, underlined the delicacy of the situation, blaming, in part, the Israeli news-media for heightening the state of alarm. “Over the last few weeks, I have been watching stations such as al-Jazeera and al-Aribiiya on satellite TV as well as local Israeli newscasts coming in on the airwaves. I am not surprised that the vast majority of Israelis support Operation Pillar of Defense; Hebrew-speaking newscasters have been hurling vitriol and abuse at the Palestinians for months now, casting them as sub-human and blaming them exclusively for the deterioration of the peace process, regardless of increased Israeli settlement activity.” (During the course of our interview, it was announced that the government of Egypt had arranged a cease-fire between Hamas and the Israeli Defense Forces.) “My orders have not changed,” said Tharmol, zipping up his carry-on duffel bag and walking through the embassy one last time, turning off lights and setting the thermostat to away. “I am a student of history,” he said while waiting for a taxi to take him to Tel Aviv International Airport. “And, therefore, I know that peace deals around here never last. If I get a call on my satellite phone telling me to come back, I shall, but, until then, I am going home.”

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