Search

31 December 2018

28 December 2018

19 December 2018

11 December 2018

10 December 2018

07 December 2018

05 December 2018

03 December 2018

lobotomy performers wanted

Following a sharp rise in applications to drive for a certain ride-sharing app, the second-most popular industry platform in the U.S. is seeking doctors willing to perform up to a dozen lobotomies per day. The medical procedures are part of the pink-fonted company’s policy of ensuring their drivers make only the worst possible decisions when it comes to operating a motor vehicle - that they run stop signs, ignore pedestrian crosswalks, swerve, brake, and make u-turns unexpectedly, and in general drive in the manner of pissed-off teenagers sitting on bladders bursting with day-old energy drink.
“If the people who drive for us don’t do everything in their power - legal or otherwise - to reach someone needing a ride as soon as is humanly possible, we might lose market-share to a four-letter competitor,” said the company’s chief operating officer. “Therefore, removing the part of our drivers’ brains that is responsible for controlling higher level decision-making ensures a maximum profit-margin at relatively low long-term cost to the company.”
Expect to find lobotomized drivers menacing a neighborhood near you, sometime soon.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

28 November 2018

person finishes sentence

In an effort to break a habit he’d fallen into over the course of many previous moons, Nick D. Nachbaar actually finished a sentence. Resisting the urge to only blurt out a few words before stopping and asking, “Do you see what I’m saying?”, Nachbaar soldiered through and put the finishing touches on a complete string of words. “We’re all relieved that Nick is starting to actually say things instead of assuming that his listeners can read his mind or get his gist from a vague handful of utterances,” said a family member long frustrated by the young man’s apparent inability to speak clearly.

Researchers suggest that individuals who act like Nick do so due to general laziness coupled with the belief that other people have immediate access to their thought processes, memories, ideas, and internal monologues.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

25 November 2018

19 November 2018

haiku 18 Nov 2018

What does that shirt say?
The one the boy is wearing?
I am so confused...

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

16 November 2018

14 November 2018

haiku 12 Nov 2018


When all else does fail
And future joy seems fleeting
Take a chance on love

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

13 November 2018

a bird, apparently



[above] sticker graffiti street art found 2017 in Fishtown, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, that depicts an appealing cartoon bird and these decipherable alphanumerics: goest
[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

07 November 2018

ridesharing driver also living in car

Three minutes into their trip to the grand reopening of an old neighborhood bar, friends Sandy J. and Thalia F. realized that the vehicle transporting them was also their driver’s home. “Oh my god I think he might be sleeping in here,” Thalia said, leaning over to whisper in her companion’s ear whilst pointing out to her a tube of toothpaste and toothbrush poking from a seat-back pocket of the 2007 Toyota Tercel. Sandy responded by wincing and scrunching up her nose at the suddenly weird but previously nonexistent smells her brain began to conjure into being. “There’s a lot of room in here, actually, for sleeping,” she said, glancing up at the vehicle’s generously high roof and giggling, which prompted her friend to giggle too, which then lead to both women giggling uproariously for a few minutes.

Sensing his customers’ mockery of him, their driver shuddered internally and choked back an upwelling of tears as he begged That Which Cannot Be Named to not let either of the women submit a bad report to his dispatching company and take away his ability to pick up and drop off people - the job being primary means of him supporting himself and his family back in Belarus and him living in it being his only option given skyrocketing area rents.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

05 November 2018

02 November 2018