ridesharing driver also living in car

Three minutes into their trip to the grand reopening of an old neighborhood bar, friends Sandy J. and Thalia F. realized that the vehicle transporting them was also their driver’s home. “Oh my god I think he might be sleeping in here,” Thalia said, leaning over to whisper in her companion’s ear whilst pointing out to her a tube of toothpaste and toothbrush poking from a seat-back pocket of the 2007 Toyota Tercel. Sandy responded by wincing and scrunching up her nose at the suddenly weird but previously nonexistent smells her brain began to conjure into being. “There’s a lot of room in here, actually, for sleeping,” she said, glancing up at the vehicle’s generously high roof and giggling, which prompted her friend to giggle too, which then lead to both women giggling uproariously for a few minutes.

Sensing his customers’ mockery of him, their driver shuddered internally and choked back an upwelling of tears as he begged That Which Cannot Be Named to not let either of the women submit a bad report to his dispatching company and take away his ability to pick up and drop off people - the job being primary means of him supporting himself and his family back in Belarus and him living in it being his only option given skyrocketing area rents.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

love slave obtained

Area resident Jacinda Grace Stanton recently purchased a new love slave (to replace the one she’d neglected to death). Though initially excited about being taken from the puppy mill where most of its litter-mates had died, the love slave, whom she named ‘Doggie Dearest,’ is quickly learning that life in its new home is not much better.

Ms. Stanton does not plan to take her newly acquired love slave on four daily walks, feed it properly and at regular intervals, take time to understand its language or moods, respect its right to live a stress-free life, or treat it with the dignity that a sentient being deserves. Instead, she intends to scold it when it voids its bowels inside her home due to lack of access to the out-of-doors, yell at it when it whines about being hungry, complain about having to take it to the vet after letting it suffer a massive skin infection for months, and leave it at home without food for days on end while she engages in multiple new romantic relationships.

Jacinda plans to hug her love slave from time to time, look quizzically at it when it barks, keep it trapped in her bedroom from 9pm until noon of the next day, ignore its needs while manipulating her mobile phone, occasionally lock it outside on a bare concrete pad overnight, and then insist on telling everyone she knows how much she loves animals but never washing out her love slave’s water bowl and only refilling it when it’s completely empty. The nation and state in which Ms. Stanton lives legally defines animals not as living things but as property, however, meaning that she’s not doing anything wrong - technically.

[This is a work of satire. Any reference to a person or persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Please treat living things under your control with the utmost respect and dignity.]

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan