transgender soldiers wanted

The all-volunteer armed forces of Grigovia (www.gov.ggv/fightforfreedom) invite any Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, or Curious (LGBTQC) people to join in our mission of making the world a safer place for all peace-loving individuals. We firmly believe that every living person has both great inherent value and a vital role to play in combating the base scourges of quasi-religious terrorism, imperialist warmongering, as well as terrorist and racist tactics and rhetoric employed increasingly by various world leaders.

Gender-reassignment and other services tailored to the needs of LGBTQC soldiers will be provided without question or hesitation. As per a recent study by Rand, transgender warriors make any fighting force better. Shame on anyone who says differently.

Pay no mind to persons angry and full of hatred. All are welcome in Grigovia, where love and freedom abound.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

personhood for Liberty?

Following the recent decision by the government of India to grant full personhood status to the Ganges and Yamuna rivers, members of the U.S. legislature are mulling a similar move for the concept of Liberty. Trampled upon by legislative decrees that stifle free speech as well as current police practices that deprive citizens of their property without due process of law, Liberty has had a hard go at things in America.

Supporters of the attempt to grant personhood to Liberty are facing down these opposition groups, among others: ones that profit from America’s immoral, unethical, and unwarranted use of violence and war-like force at home and abroad (i.e. the military-industrial complex); ones that profit from the incarceration of American citizens for possessing drugs these citizens wish to use (i.e. the prison-industrial complex); ones that receive taxpayer fund as a reward for engaging in high-risk speculative behavior (i.e. the banking-industrial complex).

In the unlikely event that Liberty is granted personhood, any individual or corporation that violates the Constitutional rights of Americans to live in peace with the various peoples of the world whilst altering their bodies with whatever drugs they choose without having to pay trillions of dollars to bail out greedy bankers; any individual who, or corporation that, abuses his responsibility toward the welfare of all Americans equally (this responsibility being itself indistinguishable from Liberty); such an individual will have his Liberty taken from him for no less than three days and no more than one year’s time, and such corporation will have its own personhood revoked and its assets redistributed for the betterment of all Americans equally (in the form of infrastructure, community gardening, or guaranteed basic income projects or the like).

In betting houses around the world, the chances of American Liberty gaining personhood stand at 10,000 to one.

americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥

private sector triumphs

Last Thursday evening, quietly, and with little fanfare, the private companies constituting America's military industrial complex declared success in their efforts to undermine and ultimately destroy liberty, democracy, and free speech at home and abroad. During a lavish ceremony held at an opulent dining room located in a convention center built using local taxes-dollars, these enemies of freedom toasted themselves, each other, and their cronies in Washington, cronies who used the federal 2012 defense bill to enrich these fools by nearly $400 billion. “NASA just spent $1.6 billion sending a miniature laboratory to Mars,” said the head of a powerful aeronautics contractor, to uproarious applause. “One point six billion? I can see from this here podium seventeen different fellow defense contractors who made that much in stock options in the ten minutes after the President signed the National Defense Authorization Act of 2012 (NDAA 2012). It warms my heart to know that those $400 billion were used to make the persons in this room rich instead of being wasted on launching more scientific labs into space, feeding malnourished children, or developing methods for raising crops in Earth's barren and waterless places. We have done it, gentlemen – hoodwinked hundreds of millions of clueless motherfuckers into making us wealthier and more powerful than they could possibly imagine.”

Called in 1961 by outgoing president Dwight D. Eisenhower the greatest threat to democracy that this country has ever known, a few tens of thousands of defense contractors routinely cheat over three hundred and ten millions of common American citizens out of roughly half the money we commoners give the government in the form of taxes, every year. “With four hundred billion dollars, we could refurbish a thousand schools, explore the seas and space, pay a hundred thousand school-teachers decently, rebuild a thousand bridges, cure a dozen diseases, and perfect renewable-energy-gathering-systems such as solar, tidal, wind, and thermal,” said Shurucq Tamzal, PhD, spokeswoman for the U.S. Government Accountability Office (GAO). “But no matter how many recommendations this office makes to leaders in the White House or Congress, they keep shoveling hundreds of billions of dollars into the pockets of private individuals who profit from constant and continuous conflict – war on a global scale. So, basically, when the U.S. makes war, defense contractors get rich. This is a disgrace, a farce, not at all how the persons who founded this nation intended us to be doing things. At least, that's my opinion; please don't quote me on it.”

Defense contracting is as old as war itself, a business which in the age of modern warfare and endless armed struggle has no time for or interest in maintaining freedom and democracy for an uneducated, disinterested, television-addled population. In his closing remarks before ceding the stage to Creed – a religiously-conservative music group – the aforementioned aeronautics contractor said, “Frankly, we need the general American public to stay stupid and glued to the idiot-box for five hours every day, because, otherwise, it would ask too many questions, wanting to know who keeps giving us hundreds of billions of its tax-dollars. I thank my lucky stars for the wizards who make compelling, high-drama, high-quality TV programming.”

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

DOD now DOWOA

While preparations for the impeding military action against the Islamic Republic of Iran reach a fever pitch, spokespersons for what was formerly known as the Department of Defense (DOD) of the United States of America have traveled to nations across the globe to spread news of their employer's nominal re-branding. Now called the Department of Wars of Aggression, the government agency formerly known as the DOD decided to change its name to reflect America's new role in the world, that being no longer a nation that defends its own borders or those of its friends but one that frequently violates its own laws and the laws of various international charters by initiating military action against sovereign foreign nations.

“Ever since its police action in Viet-Nam, the American military has been continuously involved in hot conflicts in places such as Nicaragua, Iraq, and Afghanistan,” said Geraldine Fuchs-Kleimman, a former Navy pilot in her early 30s who spoke to us from Nigeria via satellite-phone. “Since our illegal invasion of Iraq in 2002 and the subsequent illegal invasion of Afghanistan not long thereafter, my fellow peons and I have been hearing rumors that this name-change would occur; we're just happy that the Secretary of (previously Defense, but, now) Aggression (SecAgg) finally got his shit together and filled out all that paperwork​.” A nation once hailed as the savior of mankind for defeating the Nazi plaque threatening to grind all of Europe under its murderous jack-boot, America has plummeted recently in the estimation of her fellow nation-states. Having succumbed to the demands of a massive military-industrial complex and allowed nearly her entire society to be controlled by the narrow-minded policies of avaricious, for-profit corporations, however, once-fair Columbia has so drastically changed her tune that she barely resembles the nation she was just a few, short decades ago.

“I remember when we Americans minded our own business and let other peoples figure things out for themselves, enticing them perhaps with our goods and trying to get a toe-hold in their markets, but not actually killing them and stealing their oil,” said 75-year-old farmer Henry James Wainschott Jr., proud tiller of soil, from atop a museum-worthy John Deere tractor. “I was reading somewhere that nearly $400 billion dollars of the current military budget is used to pay private military contractors. These contractors are the self-same motherfuckers charging two hundred dollars for a single sheet of dry-wall and lobbying like lunatics to keep the wars going, bankrupting the American Dream for nine-tenths of Americans with their abject, damnable greed.”

“Truth is, we're running out of foreign nation-states upon whom to wage these wars of aggression,” said 47-year-old Maryland resident and senior analyst Vishay Utilanad, who works indirectly for the Secretary of Aggression. “Once we give Iran a good drubbing, North Korea will be the last thing standing in the way of us dealing death, destruction, woe, and torment against the American population itself, and, believe me, we've had a lot of practice subjugating unruly populations in the last decade. So dust off your slave-shoes, folks, pucker up those suck-holes, and prepare to have all of your remaining constitutional protections revoked, because, like fucking idiots, you gave up the last of your rights a long, long time ago.”

場黑麥 mentiri manufactorem fecit

virus attacks Grigovia

May, 2012; Grig – In what appeared to be a concerted attack launched by an as-of-yet unnamed foreign body, critical network nodes and sensitive hardware sites around this small, mountainous nation went suddenly off line in the early hours of Friday morning. Contrary to initial fears, the attacks – which appear to stem from a single finely crafted, specifically tailored virus – have had little affect on this rugged nation's civilian or military infrastructure. The average Grigovian is accustomed to rolling blackouts, heating material shortages, state neglect, and having to rely on his wits 99% of the time, so losing something as insignificant as the telephone network, and not being able to log onto the web, are everyday occurrences; such services as were lost during this week's virus strike prompted few, if any, lifestyle changes.

“We teach our grandchildren to be hardy, and to sit patiently in the dark not making a sound,” said Hennrig Yuyulong, 82, owner of an already dismal and smoke filled publick-house in the pulsing heart of this nation's capital. “We are not like soft-skinned American who cry when they skin their knees and who whine like children until they get their way. In Grigovia, we do things for ourselves, by ourselves, using our own resources, or we do not do them at all.” Analyses of the virus indicate that it was fabricated by highly advanced military algorithms similar to those used by U.S., British, Russian, and Chinese armed forces. According to Pitr Mohammad Yilyilanov, MIIG's senior press agent, the most recent attack is not the first such assault on this small, isolated nation's electrical and communications grids. “Most of our systems still run on old Soviet technology,” Mr. Yliyilanov declared at an early morning press conference. “This means that they are slow but reliable, cumbersome but also harder to hack, and backed up with backups for each backup. The systems affected during the breaches were responsible for all but the most peripheral systems such as our wi-fi and Internet servers, but, since most Grigovians do things by the old-fashioned methods, by the methods that have worked for generations, the only persons truly affected were sick or old, persons visiting our fine hospitals, and a loose smattering of bloggers who live in the band of industrial sites and abandoned warehouses known as Yidyidlenkov that encircles cosmopolitan Grig.”

場黑麥 menterefecterem fecit

creativity supposedly ”still valid”

According to a report released recently by the office of the rear-secretary for Art-Specific Studies Among Urban American Populations (ASSAUAP), spontaneously occurring artistic creativity performed by individuals who are not paid specifically to be creative is still necessary for sustaining an upbeat, positive national consciousness. “We could not believe it, either,” said the project's lead researcher, Charong K. Charondibadi. “It did not matter how we tried to skew the numbers, or how many times we had those Bangladeshi typists re-enter the data – it turns out that uncompensated creativity matters, somehow.” The study, which bears the title, “Is creativity still valid?” furthermore indicates that works of art made and applied by individuals known as street artists enliven the General Public and enhances Its mood to such a large degree that all efforts to date to eradicate graffiti have been more detrimental to the continuing economic survival and spiritual buoyancy of the U.S.A. than the rise of the military industrial complex (which demands a state of perpetual war), the proliferation of the television (which has destroyed the art storytelling in this country), and the presidency of George W. Bush (which, via the Patriot Act, annihilated the Constitutional protections), combined.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

on novus ordo seclorum

  Every American dollar bill bears the slogan novus ordo seclorum, Latin for New Order for the Ages. The federal government of the United States (the fed) persecutes this new order in hot and cold military conflicts, and by wagingwar on those of its own citizens who would consume drugs other than those it itself licenses or sells.

  Regardless of whether you are American or not, and if you are, whether or not you vote: if you handle US currency, and if you conduct business with it, you give your tacit consent to the aims printed on the American greenback – if you use dollar bills, you perpetuate and maintain this new order for the ages. (I have followed with interest efforts in economically struggling communities to switch to location-specific para-currencies, efforts which seem to nullify the paper money printed by the US Treasury.) In the not too distant past, the fed faced oppressive and mass-murdering dictators that it had to destroy, which required it to reorder its economy and to draft its mission statement anew. By consequence the world was also ordered anew, and the smaller players held their breath as clear battle lines emerged, and as nuclear missile silos sprouted in the Urals, and in the Midwest.

  The outline of this new order began to change in the 1970s, when the fed abandoned the gold standard, causing the US Dollar to decline. Then, it changed the rules for financial regulation, allowing for rampant and destructive speculation, so that now the two hundred and fifty thousands of Americans who speculated best (the Point Oh Five) control the corporate structures that in turn control most aspects of society. But it is the duty of the federal government to shape a new order for the ages, and no other party – not the 0.05% nor the military-industrial complex – can manifest the destiny of this nation with the sort of extreme prejudice and blind dedication needed to finish the job.

  Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp