NM legalizes drugs

Citing the successful test of drug legalization in Portugal as its guiding influence, the American state of New Mexico decriminalized all drug use and possession within its border. The Return to Freedom Act, or RFA (SB-04472.7.65), has been approved by both houses of the state’s legislature and should arrive on the governor’s desk shortly. “Our residents and visitors are sick of being harassed and imprisoned for exercising their Constitutional right to get blasted on any substance they choose so long as they are not infringing upon the Life, Liberty, or Property of another person,” said Hailyie Darmstadder, 49, deputy New Mexico governor and mother of two state police sergeants; “and our police forces desire to spend their time keeping their communities safe from violent crime rather than working as strongmen who exist primarily to enforce blanket prohibitions enacted by a tyrannical federal government.” Critics have condemned the passage of RFA, saying that the potential risks to children outweigh the benefits arising from the normalization of drug-using behavior. Margit Lopez-Westinghaus, head of the New Mexico chapter of Catholic Mothers for Safe Streets, was concern that “it will become easy for a child to walk into a pharmacy and buy a marijuana cigarette.” Thomaz H.N.E. Gutierrez Jr., a Republican legislator who helped write the bill’s final draft, confirmed that the new legislation will make recreational drugs available to legal adults only, much as are cigarettes or alcohol. “For many generations now, Americans have been able to walk into any of a thousand convenience stores across the Land of Enchantment and pick up as much booze and as many smokes as they could carry, and look at the damage that has wrought,” state congressman Gutierrez said. “My ancestors used marijuana in ceremonies as a method for becoming one with the Great Unknowable, whereas alcohol does little more than pollute the mind, and nicotine does little more than make people sick.” Police unions across the state are wary about RFA, with most of them saying they’ll miss the millions of dollars they receive from Washington for putting non-violent drug users behind bars. “The gravy train is over, I guess,” said Captain Youlisees Sharlto-Macks of the West Mesa City Police department. “On the other hand, prohibition of alcohol didn’t work in the 1920s - why the hell did we think it would work with other drugs?”

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

New Hampshire secedes II

Last Tuesday, in Concord, the capital of this now-sovereign nation of 1.3 million individuals, state leaders quietly seceded from the Union of American States (USA). An overwhelming majority of the population – 98% – approved the decision via referendum. Many voters claimed they were inspired by New Hampshire's history as the first post-colonial sovereign nation in the Western hemisphere. The move comes at a time of increasing national and international doubt regarding the continuing feasibility of the USA. During a brief ceremony devoid of fanfare or bluster, the governor for the state, a Dr. Florentine B. Mistleblanch, declared, “For too long have we citizens of the once fine state of New Hampshire – and the now fine nation of Nu-Hemp-Sure – payed mere lip service to our motto: 'Live free, or die.' Since all persons living here at this time are henceforth totally and completely free of any and all outside interference, what was once slogan is now reality.”

Polls conducted in the wake of last fall's referendum showed that individuals living in this ex-state wanted nothing to do with such formerly Confederate states as North Carolina, a state that has violated the rights of its homosexual citizens by passing laws that codify marriage according to hard-line Christian rules. (As of press-time, Christianity is merely one religion among hundreds practiced in America today; it is neither the founding, nor the dominant, religion of the USA.) Said governor Mistleblanch while unlocking her bicycle from a signpost behind the podium, “We don't want to be associated in the estimation of humankind with leaders seeking to overthrow reason; we have no use for madmen wishing to rule according to one – and only one – religious codex; and we want nothing to do with lunatics who abolish the principles of Liberty and insist on theocratic tyranny. We invite the North Carolinians and any other like-minded jackasses to do as they please, but we proud denizens of the Hempen-Shire want nothing more to do with crazy schemes that trample on the freedoms of innocent persons. By the way, to cultivate and consume marijuana, and, of course, hemp, is henceforth the legal right of each and every emancipated adult living within our borders.”

Nu-Hemp-Sure is the world's newest nation, and the third – following Puerto Rico and Panama – to officially renounce, rescind, or refuse membership in the crumbling, tyrannical, and politically bankrupt collection of (formerly) United States of America. Long live lady Liberty, and huzzah.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

belligerence holds sway

Citing a distinct lack of threats clearly and presently endangering the wellbeing and safety of the American people, that nation's own federal government stepped into the breech. “We have all these resources just sitting around, which if we don't use, we lose,” said a spokesperson for the inaptly named Department of Justice (DoJ), who asked that her name not be used. She went on, saying, “Therefore, we shall continue to rob Americans of their liberty until the violent crime rates rise again, there's a nation-wide epidemic of carjackings, or a similar situation arises to justify spending mountains of tax dollars on our existence.”

The DoJ is ratcheting up its efforts to prosecute and imprison Ynki civilians who insist upon exercising rights granted them in the XIV Amendment to their Constitution. “I smoke weed because I decide what to do with this body,” said upstanding citizen and small business owner Dwainn Robert Whittlewood, 36, of Detroit, Michigan. “And since a judge has never banned me personally from smoking that sweet sticky weed, the fourteenth Amendment protects my right to spark it up, toke it up, and smoke it up.” The National American Association of District-Court Justices (and their Spouses), an advocacy group, approached the situation more gingerly. Said their spokesperson, 54 year-old Wailandt Jane Hoffstedt, “Our jobs depend to a large part on busting people for stupid shit like smoking or possessing marijuana. It wasn't always like this – back before the federal government launched the longest war in our history, our foolhardy War on Drugs, we used to pass judgment on people who were truly a risk to themselves, or to society. Now, though, the cottage industry consisting of parole officers, privately-run prisons, lobbyists, and overseers has become so massive that it has taken on a life of its own, constructing policy and thriving on the death of individual liberty and the incarceration of non-violent drug offenders. Something has to change.”

There is no clear sign when the federal government might start protecting liberty instead of destroying it, although the courageous citizens of Colorado and Washington dealt clear blows to state-sanctioned oppression by passing laws that legalized the recreational use of marijuana. Perhaps, as some point this century, the rest of America will grow some balls and stand up the bullies in D.C. who harass us and deny us our liberty, this nation's lifeblood; we shall soon see, however, just how tyrannical our federal government has become, and just how far it will go to enforce unjust laws from bygone eras. (While researching this article, the author's trash was twice searched by federal agents, who at one point backed their car over his cat in their haste to flee direct, verbal confrontation.)

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

drug-free America

  National organizations such as the Partnership for a Drug-Free America and Above the Influence are established to educate children about drugs, including alcohol, in the hopes that these children will not use drugs. Until the last doctor proscribes the last prescription to Addreall, which is synthesized meth-emphetamine, and until the last child pops his Ritalin, which bears close resemblance to cocaine, our children will not be drug-free.
  The positive affect of getting kids hooked on synthetic meth and synthetic coke is that the purity of the drugs they are taking is very high, and the dosages are easily discernible, thus lessening the likelihood that these kids will overdose or be poisoned by the drugs they receive from their parents and from their doctors.
  Until the last liquor store closes and the last pack of cigarettes is sold, we will not be free of drugs in America. Until the last parent stops taking the last pill to combat their probably obesity-related illness, we will not be free of drugs in America.
  The only way to show our kids that life is livable without drugs is to make all drugs in this country illegal and unobtainable. Otherwise, we are sending our young people mixed messages that they will misinterpret. Far better were it to make all drugs available to all people, educating them on the uses of the drugs and on their potential side-affects, and making them sign a waiver before they receive sufficient quantities of the refined substance they deem most likely to positively affect their Pursuit of Happiness. Far better were it to admit to ourselves and to the world that we all take drugs (be they caffeine, sugar, alcohol, or nicotine), that life in this country without drugs is virtually unimaginable, and that we are a people that love their drugs in many and varied forms.
  End the confusion. End the oppression. End the restriction of Liberty.
  Legalize all drugs, or ban them all.
  Let the people Pursue their Happiness as they see best fit.
  Remember the promise of the Declaration of Independence.

Ultima Ratio Regum
John Paul Roggenkamp