on ninety-nine victories

Success, friends, success. Huzzah. By liberating the neo-serfs of today's lowest and groveling classes, the 99% has brought to a close a process that began in the late 1840s. Victory's proof: starting on 13 April 2012, in enlightened and far-thinking nations across the globe, all debts shall be wiped away, all crimes shall be forgiven, decent and well-paying jobs shall appear as if magically from thin air, and housing, food, health-care, and clothing shall be provided to anyone in need. Truly, it shall be, “from each according to his ability, to each according to his need” (this being our motto). Marx and Engels would be proud of our stalwart revolutionary zeal and steadfast, unflinching dedication to the task at hand.

Seriously, we have won, and by winning, I mean that, across the board, we have eliminated corruption, money-lust, environmental degradation, and self-enslavement to entertainment and consumer products. My congressman promised it on the news this morning – I swear I heard him say something to that effect. Huzzah. So, let's all go home and have a nice cup of tea, since our overwhelming anger and simmering hostility have compelled the people in power, whom we call the compassionate and honor-bound bourgeoisie, to relinquish their lofty posts and to leave on the first corporate jet for sunnier shores as yet untouched by our righteous fury. History shows that all previous ruling classes have readily relinquished their power when faced with persistent popular protests. We've got this thing sewn up: our gains are assured, the power is back in the hands of people other than millionaire, re-election obsessed politicians, and our rapacious, trickle-up national financial policy is a thing of the past. Besides – those pleasant-looking riot cops keep inching closer this way, my iPad is almost out of juice, and this mocha-frappuccino is not even close to being cold, so, seriously, come on, guys, let's get going. And again, Huzzah.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit