Santander
& Sovereign Banks announced today (from their subterranean
bunkers outside of Washington D.C.) the newest credit card to ensnare
unwary, consumption-crazy customers: Fear. Get afraid today with high
rates, hidden fees, inexplicable cancellations, and an ever-shrinking
credit ceiling. With Santander's new Fear card, never again must you
be afraid of past-due payments or of collections calls from angry,
third-party creditors: the only thing you must fear is us, your bank,
because we shall act swiftly and with righteous fury to repossess
anything you might own in order to recover your outstanding debts to
us. Sign up today at one of our inconvenient locations that are sure
to be staffed with disinterested customer service representatives who
shall be more likely to put up their feet on the employee room tables
than to get off their asses and attend to customers. Fear, today,
with Santander / Sovereign.
p.s.
The author would like to point out that the new credit card's name is
not Fear, as he initially suspected; rather, the card is called
Sphere, although he applauds the logic behind using a name that
sounds exactly like “fear” when referring to credit, a horrifying
state of self-imposed slavery to Big Bro Bank which is sure to
terrify any self-respecting, self-sufficient American.
場黑麥
ioanni
elymucampus fecit
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