haiku 15 Oct 2017

Rich clods of earth break
Stalks are cut for composting
The harvest was good

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 13 Oct 2017

An angry fruitcake
Haunts the halls of Penna. Lane
Lost in sad hatred

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

missing coral found

Earlier this week, researchers discovered the majority of the world’s coral colonies living in rented apartments across America’s Midwest. Contrary to reports that the coral had vanished due to a rise in both ocean salinity and temperature as well as the presence of agricultural fertilizers and pesticides, it had apparently moved into lodgings in cities from Dayton, OH, to Bismarck, ND, in a now futile effort to avoid paying off loan-sharks after a rough few weeks of gambling on livestock futures. “We thought we had the beef market cornered,” said a visibly shaken trunk of pillar coral found wedged into the back of a walk-in closet.

“Thanks a fucking lot,” said a branch of staghorn coral while it was being measured, scanned, probed, and core-sampled. “Where are we supposed to come up with, like, a billion clams, huh?” World-famous for its painful lack of a sense of humor, researchers were dismayed to find that coral could be so punny.

(The author He Who Grasps At Straws contributed to this article.)

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

on dishonoring hatefulness

Ground was broken today on a parcel of federal land in southern Washington, D.C., for the foundation of a new learning and educational center. Called both the ‘Museum of Despicable Hatefulness’ and the ‘Gallery of Murderers, Racists, Rapists, Slave-Owners, & Traitors’, the center will house statues of cruel and traitorous persons from America’s past, including many that until recently were on public display in cities across the USA. Among the statues being shipped to the center for storage and exhibition are ones of Robert E. Lee, Christopher Columbus, Lyndon B. Johnson, Vladimir Lenin, Andrew Jackson, and Woodrow Wilson. All of these individuals were either loathsome murderers, committed unspeakable crimes against vulnerable populations under their control, or both.

Inspired by the Museum of War Remnants in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, the center will educate visitors about the vile dangers of racist acts and speech, the gruesome evils of slavery, and the heavy cost of treason. In addition to the statues, static as well as dynamic displays will showcase the ideologies, methods, tactics, and tools used to enslave, disenfranchise, and kill huddled masses yearning to be free.

Major funding sources for the center are, primarily, coming from civil and numerical-minority rights groups who wish to make sure such atrocities receive the condemnation they deserve and are never again celebrated on American shores. Plexiglass strong-boxes to receive further donations will be located throughout the center.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 9 Oct 2017

When confronting a
Punitive superego
Proceed with intent

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 8 Oct 2017

The hardest boils
To lance are the ones buried
Deep inside the heart

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

not the time

“This is not the time to talk about my driving ability,” the man said as he pushed and shoved at the crumpled door of his wrecked car, trying to free himself. The other vehicle, the one he had just hit, was totaled; its driver, apparently unharmed, was standing on the tarmac, berating him.

“Look, I get that you’re upset,” the man went on, finally managing to open the door and pull himself by his unbroken arm out of his smoking former ride, forcing his way under the deployed side-curtain airbags. “Perhaps, at some point in the future, we could discuss my skills behind the wheel. Now, however, it’s inappropriate.”

As sirens wailed in the distance, approaching rapidly, he went over to sit on the curb down the street from where the crash he’d caused had occurred. The other driver, still fuming with rage due to the fact that he’d seen the man drop his mobile phone then duck down to root around for it under the seat, changed subjects. “This is also not the appropriate time,” the man replied indignantly, when the other driver paused to take a breath, “to discuss whether or not I have car insurance.”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorpha

ring sales soar

In the wake of a recent spell of marriage die-offs in Spokane, WA, area jewelry retailers are reporting a spike in sales of engagement rings and wedding bands. “People seem to be responding to the sudden, concentrated death of so many unions by wanting to obtain tools to allow them to get engaged or renew their previous vows,” said sociologist Henriett Weinstone, PhD, who researches lasting romantic bonds of commitment at Iowa State University. “It’s really been a bumper fall, so far,” said Raj Rahandawan, owner of Matrimonial Memories Emporium, a jewelry store in Liberty Lake, WA. “I feel sorry for all the many marriages that have died. Business, however, has been good.”

Recent mass marriage die-offs have been reported in cities across the United States. In a statement, the Confederated Wedding Band Manufacturers and Retailers Group, which represents the industry, said: “Individuals decide whether or not to get and stay married; they use our products as they see best fit, according to their constitutional rights. So long as people decide to dedicate themselves to each other, until death them parts, we’ll be there to give them the tools they need to get the job done.”

To tackle the recent romantic tragedies, singles groups and online dating services have stepped up their efforts to bring people together in state-sanctioned matrimony.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 01 Oct 2017

Compassion is hard
Heaping scorn on one’s sworn foes:
That’s far easier

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

glimpse at goddess

There was little she could do to help, Nuuzstathena reminded herself, whereupon she settled back onto her shield, legs crossed in full lotus, or shuang-pan.

She knew that some of her sister goddesses, especially Guanyin, were better able to penetrate the layers of suffering that gripped the hearts and clouded the minds of humans alive during this dark age, the compassion of the many-eyed one a bright beam to pierce the seas of darkened woe. Nuuzstathena excelled at wisdom, trickery, and the use of force to benefit mankind; quiet words and soothing touches were largely beyond her ken.

Which is why the grey-eyed one sat the way she did, waiting for man to set aside his love of the blind wrath of Ares, waiting for him to choose a brighter path, one not bathed in rivers of blood. Perched upon her lap was her spear, Reason, to which all men must eventually listen.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 27 Sep 2017

Sometimes, progress comes
From not trying to progress
From doing nothing

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorpha

dreamstate writing 26 Sep 2017

I was walking down a busy boulevard (similar to Hollywood, at Cherokee) when I felt compelled to leave it and use the restroom in a tastefully restored, three-storey-tall, red-brick building off to my right-hand side. The building appeared to house a discothek of sorts, with many people entering and exiting it, and music emanating from within. As I stepped over its threshold I noticed that bricks of raised, white, translucent Chinese hanzi writing-characters had been laid in intricate patterns over many of the bricks, covering most walls from floor to ceiling. The individual, mostly meter-tall hanzi were connected to one another with tapering, starburst-like trails of white and translucent bricks.

Making my way through the central dance-floor, past many happy guests, I entered the well-lit men’s facilities at the rear, whose walls were lined with yellowish-white tiles. Desiring privacy, I opened the doors to both water-closets at the back of this room, only to find sit-down toilets on raised platforms crammed into tiny rooms into which I did not feel like going, as they were dark and terribly close.

Turning instead to a bank of sinks and mirrors on the other wall, I had a conversation with some people milling about there, then exited the restroom into a rear performance space in which a man was playing a keyboard and singing, accompanied by another artist playing the drums. Excited at the quality of the music, I loosed a loud war-whoop, startling many of the black-clad guests who seemed to be enjoying the show (with their backs turned toward me), at which point I was approached by an usher in a black jacket with red lapels who grabbed my left elbow and started leading me to an open hangar door that gave out onto a side road. Halfway there, I shook off his grasp, telling him to not touch me, then mockingly asked him if I had to leave through the hangar door or if I could use the same door through which I’d entered. Realizing that I had offended him, I bowed to him with hands pressed together at the heart, a Thai wai. He stayed silently at my left-hand side, looking at me with widened eyes, until I returned to the land of mortal consciousness - and the pressing need to urinate.

As soon as I lay back down in bed after having finished voiding my bowels in the temporal commode, my alarm-clock rang, signaling the start of morning practices.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 24 Sep 2017

People in the West
Don’t mind that bystanders die.
But when neighbors die…

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 21 Sep 2017

Come sit in my house
I’ll pay you cash to be there
And let out the dogs

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Harvard bows again

Harvard university recently announced plans to close the Environmental Science & Engineering (ESE) department of its John A. Paulson School of Engineering and Applied Sciences following a complaint lodged via Twitter by current EPA administrator Scott Pruitt. “Carbon dioxide produced by man’s industrial capacity is not a primary contributor to global climate change,” Pruitt said in one of his tweets on the subject in which he repeated a line frequently used by climate science deniers. “It would betray the trust of various shareholder bodies to whom I and other members of the Trump administration are now or may at some point in the future be beholden were any one of us to appear to support unverified data regarding the possibility of human actions affecting world climate.” Pruitt recently cancelled a planned speech at Harvard’s Business School citing the university’s ongoing efforts to propagate scientific information regarding the damaging effects of pollution from agriculture, animal husbandry, industry, and transportation.

“We were wrong to spread the notion that human activity might possibly be having a negative effect on the ability of planet earth’s atmosphere to support complex mammalian life,” said Rakesh Khurana, dean of the university, as he bowed to minimal pressure applied by an administration apparently dedicated to the maximization of corporate profits at any and all cost. “Going forward, Harvard will toe any line Washington tells us to toe, regardless of what vast bodies of science evidence might tell us.”

Environmental groups on six continents immediately heaped scorn upon the university using nearly every available means, from press releases and retweets to flyers taped onto telephone poles. “It is a dark day for the future happiness and success of humanity when a major learning center chooses to abandon its principles due to slight pressure from a federal government,” said a spokesperson for Global Witness International. Recently, Harvard university withdrew its fellowship invitation to intrepid American patriot and whistleblower Chelsea Manning after acting CIA director Mike Pompeo cancelled a scheduled appearance there.

[This is a work of fiction. No part of this work should be taken as a factual representation of the opinions, views, or policies of any party or parties involved or mentioned here. Cultivate a sense of humor.]

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

eighteen beers consumed

Following his long-standing tradition of avoiding feeling feelings and self-medicating using a hard but readily available and socially acceptable drug, local aid recipient Harold K. P. Trask finished his eighteenth beer of the day. “My life is awesome,” he said, ignoring fully the sadness held tightly by a heart broken once in junior high-school, his overstrained liver struggling to deal with the gallon and a half of fermented sugar water he’d just forced down his gullet. He stretched out on the worn cushions of his second-hand couch and patted his protruding belly in apparent satisfaction.

Surveying the frayed remnants of his second failed marriage by glancing briefly at a couple of framed photographs perched on a nearby shelving unit, he tried to decide between between ordering a pizza or frying up the rest of a refrigerated flank-steak that had gone gray a week earlier. “Better safe than sorry,” he said, punching his choices into a pizza ordering application loaded onto his mobile phone.

Standing up a half hour later to grab the slab of cheesy baked dough from the delivery person, he felt terribly dizzy, a state he attributed to moving too quickly caused in reality by severe malnutrition, acute vitamin deficiency, and decades of self-neglect. Craving protein to balance out the avalanche of carbohydrates he’d consumed in the previous period of wakefulness, Harold’s body compelled him to retrieve the flank-steak from the back of the fridge and fry it up with some butter. His second and third chakras suffocating behind overstrained intestines, their information lost in the static of chronic indigestion, he settled back into the couch, and smiled weakly.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Dahmer pardoned posthumously

In an apparent attempt to appease the sex offenders in his base, fake U.S. president Shrimp issued a pardon for serial rapist and child molestor Jeffrey Dahmer, the Milwaukee Cannibal, who died in 1994. “I wish Jeff were alive today,” said Shrimp, who signed the pardon while surrounded by affluent fake pastors and televangelists, some of whom had themselves been convicted of various sex-related offenses. “He was so efficient and good at what he did I’d probably appoint him to tackle Child Welfare, or something. I don’t know.”

Pundits worry that fake U.S. president Shrimp lost his mind long ago and is now merely copying a senile old racist he saw on a TV show during the 1970s.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

transgender troopers welcomed

The Grigovian Self-Liberation and Defense Forces (SLDF) proudly announced the formation of its first Ynki Transgender Brigade (YTB) composed primarily of skilled warriors fleeing persecution by the fake president of the United States of America. Their official welcoming ceremony was hosted by all three presidents of the Grigovian national people’s assembly, each of whom is directly elected to an eight-year term by a majority of eligible voters.

Members of the YTB are undergoing extensive combat, language skills, and vocational training to help them transition to their new roles as Guardians of the Yiptlong Massif. Housed among local citizens in an effort to help them learn the customs followed by and duties expected of the average Grigovian, members of the YTB will serve in various roles, among them counter-terrorism, electronic warfare, counter-imperialism, counter-espionage, territorial defense, and bi-monthly community service.

“We’re overjoyed to embrace individuals who wish to serve the public welfare but are forbidden to by short-sighted and hateful policies enacted by a petty and misguided bumwad,” said Lieutenant General Dr. Yosephin T. Ignesh, commander of the Foreign Born Warriors relations for the SLDF. “As the text on the base of our statue Liberty Enlightening the World puts forth, we live according to the notion that ours is a land where the poor, the hungry, the tired masses yearning to breathe freely can finally find refuge, hope, peace, and purpose. Transgender persons are always welcome in the Grigovia armed forces.” Arriving Ynki expressed optimism about serving a nation that has never invaded another sovereign state to support corporate profits.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 10 Sep 2017

Fished hooked, flopping
High-seas ships lashed together
Seaborne liberty

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 07 Sep 2017

Many pressures build
Radiating from the Source
It lies yet hidden

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan