national guard mobilized

Across the United States of America, the National Guard is being mobilized to protect the homes of the country’s richest inhabitants. Tens of thousands of armed soldiers are moving into place, forming tight cordons around affluent neighborhoods that might possibly at some point in the near future perhaps be threatened by hordes of starving wage-slaves. Armed with the most advanced weapons available, including main battle tanks and attack helicopters, the U.S. Army appears poised to beat back even the most braven assault against the only segment of society that really matters.

Piggybacking on efforts to further shift the tax burden from those who have the most financial resources to those who have the fewest, the decision to use the military to protect America’s privileged few was probably made at the highest levels of the Trump administration. The cost of said mobilization will, of course, also be shouldered and executed by the poor, the needy, and the disenfranchised.

Secret plans obtained by WikiLeaks have exposed the impending activation of Project Cherry Pick, a nation-wide police action which calls for the most physically attractive children of poor families to be rounded up for training in the art of physically pleasuring the rich and the powerful. A flawed democracy, the American empire seems to be backsliding rapidly into an oligarchic tyranny not seen since the debauchery and excess of pre-collapse Rome. Hope remains for those willing and able to keep their hearts pure - and their sixes covered.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

transgender troopers welcomed

The Grigovian Self-Liberation and Defense Forces (SLDF) proudly announced the formation of its first Ynki Transgender Brigade (YTB) composed primarily of skilled warriors fleeing persecution by the fake president of the United States of America. Their official welcoming ceremony was hosted by all three presidents of the Grigovian national people’s assembly, each of whom is directly elected to an eight-year term by a majority of eligible voters.

Members of the YTB are undergoing extensive combat, language skills, and vocational training to help them transition to their new roles as Guardians of the Yiptlong Massif. Housed among local citizens in an effort to help them learn the customs followed by and duties expected of the average Grigovian, members of the YTB will serve in various roles, among them counter-terrorism, electronic warfare, counter-imperialism, counter-espionage, territorial defense, and bi-monthly community service.

“We’re overjoyed to embrace individuals who wish to serve the public welfare but are forbidden to by short-sighted and hateful policies enacted by a petty and misguided bumwad,” said Lieutenant General Dr. Yosephin T. Ignesh, commander of the Foreign Born Warriors relations for the SLDF. “As the text on the base of our statue Liberty Enlightening the World puts forth, we live according to the notion that ours is a land where the poor, the hungry, the tired masses yearning to breathe freely can finally find refuge, hope, peace, and purpose. Transgender persons are always welcome in the Grigovia armed forces.” Arriving Ynki expressed optimism about serving a nation that has never invaded another sovereign state to support corporate profits.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

goodbye, national victory garden month

Contrary to attempts by lobbyists hired by sellers and manufacturers of grilling-related materials, they who make and market charcoal, compressed natural gas, roll-away cooking tops, and the flesh of animals, to have the federal government of the United States of America officially designate the month of May something as utterly foolish as National Grilling Month, that selfsame government has come to its senses and passed such legislation as is necessary to promote the common citizen's assistance in her nation's various war efforts. By designating May as National Victory Garden Month (and striking down previous efforts to hoist aloft such a petty, consumption-driven, non-victory-related activity as lighting a fire in one's yard and heating upon that fire meat, or vegetables), the federal government has recognized, and dutifully underlined, the role that each and every citizen in expected to play in helping her nation to end the multiple acts of aggression it initiated – against sovereign foreign peoples who had not really done anything bad – swiftly and without too much additional bloodshed.

Championed via a bi-partisan panel filled with the more intelligent, forward-thinking, non-corruptible members of the U.S. House and Senate, National Victory Garden Month (NVGM) will feature a nation-wide series of classes (held at most United States Postal Service locations) to teach the People how to grow sustainable, organic foods in Their own square-foot gardens. Furthermore, NVGM will feature the distribution of organic, heirloom seeds and the distribution of high-quality gardening tools made in America by proud, upstanding, victory-conscious citizens, not by aloof foreigners who care nothing for this nation's success in her armed conflicts. Additionally, good, dark soil, and the materials needed to make raised beds, will be available for pick-up at any of the NVGM certified, small-scale mom-and-pop stores that have survived, over the last decades, the Assault of the Big Discount Retailers, which have reduced our once-high wages, lessened our once-high standards of living, and generally helped to make America a more homogeneous, worse place, a place all but devoid of self-sufficient, self-respecting individuals who actually reuse things.

Gone are the days when the good honest people of this nation were asked to do little else than to burn things and to stand around eating fatty burgers and drinking warm beer; arrived are the days when we as individuals are given the tools to guarantee victory, when we are expected to do our part in shaping for America, for ourselves, for our children's children's children, and for the world, a better, greener, and more sustainable future. So please, my good honest fellow ketchup-eaters – rip out your backyard BBQ and plant a garden in its place; sink your hands into a cool heap of soil instead of digging those hands into the couch cushions in search of your TV's remote control. Every piece of steel you do not absolutely Have To have made into a ride-along lawnmower can be used by our brave warriors overseas; every scrap of leather you don't absolutely Have To have made into a reclining armchair can benefit our proud claw-lads and talon-lasses. Together, we can fight the dangers of consumption for the sake of consumption while helping our boys and girls to win the wars we have asked them to fight for us. Arise, masses chewing lazily at your bits – together, we shall can make America a better place for all.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

on operation coverall

Have you ever seen on television footage of United Nations soldiers standing around in hot, impoverished places wearing blue helmets on their heads? Have you ever wished you could shake the hands of those brave and self-less people and thank them for their service? Keep an eye out in your neighborhood for members of the United Nations Urban Beautification Group (UNUBG), a loose affiliation of self-directed urban beautification specialists (SDUBS) licensed under a mandate from the U.N. Special Assembly for the Perpetration and Preservation of Street Art to apply their graffiti on any otherwise unadorned public surface.

You will identify these SDUBS by their patented blue UN windbreakers and by a rambunctious spirit uncommon to the youth of today. Be alert: they are executing Operation Coverall (OPCOV) in cities and towns across the globe. The first graffiti campaign to be waged by an international body, this shall be to date the most aggressive and best financed street art campaign ever launched. Authorized by an executive mandate signed personally by Ban Ki Moon, OPCOV has been criticized by civic leaders and property-owners alike, who claim the action infringes upon their right to own and to erect structures of boring and repetitive design. Supreme Leader Moon says that he may have mistakenly authorized Operation Coverall when he signed a document that he thought was a birthday card for his granddaughter – he claims to have never before heard of SDUBS, or of graffiti.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

on dominionism & al-Qaeda

  In certain respects, the movement known as dominionism resembles the terrorist organization al-Qaeda. Both are extremist religious movements made up of fanatical zealots with whom can be neither argued nor bargained. Both have the goal of dismantling the rightfully elected governmental structure that currently presides over these United States of America. Both seek to destroy the Constitution, whereas al-Qaeda acts to annihilate it, and the members of the dominionist movement plan merely to enslave it to a totalitarian theocracy allegedly spoken about in the Christian bible.

  I have read most of the Koran, Allah be praised, and the majority of the Christian bible, Amen, and from neither text was I able to glean a clear mandate to impose upon the foundations of modern, enlightened society the restrictive policies of long lost civilizations. (Such mandates can be pulled from any text, let alone religious ones, so long as pastors, imams, and priests are willing to ignore teachings of love and compassion and focus on righteous fearfulness and calculated xenophobia, as happened during the Iranian Revolution.)

  As we fight al-Qaeda around the world, the blood of our brothers and sisters pouring out on distant sands and in foreign lands, let us remember that religious fanatics are at work here in the motherland, in plain view of the American people, zealots who wish to see one of their own elected to the Presidency, all the while praying with every thing they've got to dismantle our Constitutional republic and to erect in its place a system of theocratic dictatorship. Our brave, proud troopers are battling religious extremists abroad: it is up to each American living here at home to defend the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution, from any and all who may wish them harm.

  Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp
p.s. Ghadhafi is deposed! Praise be to the Libyan people for their hard-fought, righteous victory.