New Hampshire secedes

Last Tuesday, in Concord, the capital of this now-sovereign nation of 1.3 million individuals, the decision was announced to bow quietly out of the Union of American States. Initiated by a referendum in which 98% of the voting population supported secession (and inspired by New Hampshire's history as the first post-colonial sovereign nation in the Americas), the move comes at a time of increasing national and international doubt over the feasibility of the Union in general. During a brief ceremony completely devoid of fanfare, bluster, or celebration, the governor for the state, a Dr. Florentine B. Mistleblanch, declared, “For too long have we citizens of the once fine state of New Hampshire – and the now fine nation of Nu-Hemp-Sure – merely payed lip service to our motto, 'Live free or die.' Since all persons who are alive at this time will soon be totally and completely free of any and all outside interference, this shall cease to be just a slogan, and it will become a reality.”

Polls conducted in the wake of last fall's referendum showed that individuals living in this ex-state wanted nothing to do with such other states as North Carolina, a state that is currently in the process of passing laws to codify marriage according to hard-line Christian rules. (As of press-time, Christianity is merely one religion among many thousands of different religions practiced in America; it is neither the nation's founding religion nor its dominant religion.) Said governor Mistleblanch while unlocking her bicycle from a nearby stop-sign, “We don't want to be lumped together in the minds of the world with leaders seeking to overthrow reason; we do not care to associate with madmen looking to rule according to one – and only one – religious codex; and we want nothing to do with lunatics who abolish the principles of liberty and democracy by installing and maintaining theocratic rule. We invite the North Carolinians to do as they please, but we proud denizens of the Hempen-Shire want nothing to do with such crazy, freedom-destroying schemes.”

Nu-Hemp-Sure is the world's newest nation, and the fourth – following Canada, Puerto Rico, and Panama – to officially renounce, rescind, or refuse membership in the crumbling, tyrannical, and politically-corrupted collection of – formerly United – States of America.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

on the pagan power of capitalism

  Capitalism, with all its evil and all its ills, has had one definitely positive affect on American society: to rid our pagan holidays of religious contamination. Neither morality nor meaning matter in the eyes of capitalism – the only thing that matters is making more money. For example: capitalism has freed the ancient holiday of goddess Eostre from the clutches of biblical oppression. As a holiday that once celebrated that goddess who makes women fertile (and the land grow green again), the festival we now know as Easter was high-jacked by religious forces and co-opted for their own narrow uses. In the last half century, however, the ever-grasping paws of capitalistic greed have freed Easter from the Shackles of Scripture, so that we once again celebrate lustful procreation (symbolized by the rabbit) and the return of the teeming things (symbolized by daffodils and other such flowers).

  Similarly, the holiday of the winter solstice, an occasion that has been marked throughout the centuries with lights mounted on pine trees. This holiday was taken hostage by the forces of Christianity, forces that bastardized the logical marking of the passage of time and tied it to the fictitious birth of a fictitious god in a land far removed in time and space. The passing of the winter solstice was only recently liberated by the uncaring hand of capitalism – an emphasis on Santa Claus and the profuse giving of gifts has replaced, thankfully, the (biblically) unspecified day upon which a young lady gave birth, in a (biblically) unspecified structure, in an (biblically) unspecified place, to a male child. (The story of Jesus is a precise retelling of the story of Horus, an Egyptian god born of a virgin who died only to arise from death after three days.) Now, instead of worshiping some stagnant and foreign godhead, during the darkest days of winter we celebrate the coming-together of loved-ones, and shower them with presents as a sign of our affection. Gone are the days of the churchly mandate – capitalism has finally, and for good, removed Christ from Christmas.

  And, most importantly (to me, at least), the uncaring and voracious greed of capitalism has removed any shred of religiosity from the delightfully pagan holiday of Halloween. What started as a heathen ritual to mark the beginning of winter was commandeered by Christian forces, who turned it into All Saint's Day, on which day only the dead of that religion were praised (in effigy). After centuries of suffering under the cruel, stifling blanket of this biblical slavery, Halloween has been dragged from its prison by the ever-hungry maw of monster-capitalism. Gone are the days when Americans celebrated the Christian dead – arrived are the days when we Americans celebrate inventiveness and the ability to take a good scaring, when we shower upon the children of the land many sweet gifts, when we might, for one short night, become someone other than our boring normal selves. (The proliferation of Halloween as a national holiday was made possible by profit-hungry corporations that recognized in it a way to sell cheap, Chinese-made costumes.)

  While I generally abhor capitalism for its tendency to make only a small portion of the American people rich, I celebrate it now for freeing our shared and common history from the clutches of religious oppression. We can ill afford to live according to the rules of a lost tribe of desert people, so it is fitting that the forces of our chosen economic model are wiping our history clean of religious contamination.

  The next time you are carving up a lamb on Easter, remember horny old Eostre, and give your spouse a long, lingering kiss. When you find yourself stringing lights on a tree, remember to go outside and enjoy the longest night of the year. As you are putting the finishing touches on an elaborate and dazzling costume, remember that its job is to scare away the sickness-bringing forces of the impending long cold darkness. Thanks to the religious impartiality of our capitalistic system, you can enjoy these events without being forced to fear the wrath of some jealous, vengeful godhead.

  America is not a Christian nation, nor was it in any way founded upon the Christian faith. Neither easter nor the winter solstice were originally Christian holidays – these pagan rituals were commandeered in order to facilitate the spread of one set of religious teachings. Just how non-Christian is America? We honor the Roman god Saturn on Saturday. On Wednesday, we remember the Norse god Wotan, and on Thursday, his son-brother Thor. In the harbor of New York there stands a large statue of the Roman goddess Libertas (whom we call Lady Liberty), a goddess who holds in one hand the Torch of Progress, in the other a representation of our most treasured of documents, the Declaration of Independence.

  Everywhere in this great land we witness the chaotic jumble of different faiths and systems of belief, all tumbling together and jostling to retain the slightest shred of relevancy. May the uncaring grasp of our institutionalized greed continue to keep American society free of religious one-mindedness! Thank you, lustful and rapacious Capitalism, you old sport, for doing you part to keep America jumbled, confused, and oppression-free.

Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

on dominionism & al-Qaeda

  In certain respects, the movement known as dominionism resembles the terrorist organization al-Qaeda. Both are extremist religious movements made up of fanatical zealots with whom can be neither argued nor bargained. Both have the goal of dismantling the rightfully elected governmental structure that currently presides over these United States of America. Both seek to destroy the Constitution, whereas al-Qaeda acts to annihilate it, and the members of the dominionist movement plan merely to enslave it to a totalitarian theocracy allegedly spoken about in the Christian bible.

  I have read most of the Koran, Allah be praised, and the majority of the Christian bible, Amen, and from neither text was I able to glean a clear mandate to impose upon the foundations of modern, enlightened society the restrictive policies of long lost civilizations. (Such mandates can be pulled from any text, let alone religious ones, so long as pastors, imams, and priests are willing to ignore teachings of love and compassion and focus on righteous fearfulness and calculated xenophobia, as happened during the Iranian Revolution.)

  As we fight al-Qaeda around the world, the blood of our brothers and sisters pouring out on distant sands and in foreign lands, let us remember that religious fanatics are at work here in the motherland, in plain view of the American people, zealots who wish to see one of their own elected to the Presidency, all the while praying with every thing they've got to dismantle our Constitutional republic and to erect in its place a system of theocratic dictatorship. Our brave, proud troopers are battling religious extremists abroad: it is up to each American living here at home to defend the Declaration of Independence, and the Constitution, from any and all who may wish them harm.

  Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp
p.s. Ghadhafi is deposed! Praise be to the Libyan people for their hard-fought, righteous victory.

on nationalized religion

  In recent times, loud voices (here, here) have claimed that the creators of the American nation were influenced by Christianity, saying that because our founders were somehow influenced by that religion, that religion should enjoy a higher standing in society. Why these people cry so loudly is unclear (although they seem to be following a historical precedent – see here – by turning to religious hyperbole, xenophobia, and downright Fear), but I suspect that they are making so much noise to obfuscate the reality of the world they so dearly desire, a future fantasy of Dystopian proportions in which all religions but one are outlawed in America, all who fail to fall to their knees before the new national god or gods are beaten and incarcerated, and the liberty we hold so highly, the liberty guaranteed in our Constitution to all equally, shall be replaced by oppression generally and by intolerance for dissenting thought specifically. What other purpose could these people have for pushing for some form of recognition of Christianity as the official state religion than: to destroy the liberty of their fellow citizens; to favor one religious doctrine to the exclusion of all others; to punish non-believers for their lack of belief in one god among many gods; and to relegate those non-believers to the status of second- or third-class citizens for failing to follow one out of the many religions practiced by those flexible and profound individuals who founded these United States of America.

  Many times in its history has mankind attempted to make one religion the mandatory religion of all people. In each of these cases (England Reformation, Soviet Russia, Nazi Germany, Afghanistan under the Taliban), the initial religious prohibitions were soon followed by widespread murder, looting, and other acts of Domestic Chaos as members of the newly-empowered religious class fanned out across the land to punish those unlucky people who did not meet the newly-established and painstakingly exacting standards of that specific religious teaching. (This potential threat to the Domestic Tranquility requirement set forth in the Constitution therefore makes any attempts to establish religious rule in America unjust and unconstitutional.) The leaders of America have shown a lack of respect for, and a lack of an even rudimentary knowledge of history in recent years by deciding to invade Afghanistan, a country that had previously withstood invasion by the Macedonians, the Persians, the British, and the Soviets; we hope that they will do some research into the realities of specific religious rule before passing any legislation based on religious texts, and we trust that they will be inclined to preserve the Contitution and to shield it from attacks by the intellectually stagnant and theocracy-minded quasi-patriotic forces active in society today. (We also hope our leaders will strike down existing laws such as those that prohibit the sale of alcohol on Sundays in Pennsylvania, or the laws that define marriage as between a man and a woman, laws based not on a rational foundation but on writings from the biblical Old Testament, laws that violate the declared Rights of the individual to Liberty and to pursue whichever Happiness he or she decides is best.)

  To justify the claims that the founders of our nation were influenced by the Bible, our current religious extremists ( "No religion is free from extremism," declares Abdelfattah Amor, the UN's Special Rapporteur n Religious Intolerance; for examples see here and here) point to correspondences and other writings created by the founders of this nation that mention the teachings of Christianity (for examples of these writings, see here). Furthermore, they point to the establishment of the Mayflower Compact (here) as proof that this our nation was in some way founded on the Christian faith. In light of the first argument it follows logically that any religious teachings mentioned by the founders of this nation in their writings should be declared as the official state religion, which would make Hellenistic polytheim (or the belief in gods such as Zeus, Athena, and Poseidon) one of the official religions of these United States, as it was mentioned by Thomas Jefferson (here) and John Adams (here), among others. As to the second argument, the Mayflower Compact did not legally establish this Union; it therefore cannot be used as justification for the establishment of an official religion over this Union.

  In the document that did establish this nation, in the Declaration of Independence, there is made mention of the Creator and of the Supreme Judge of the world, but these terms could apply to any of a number of forces, including the Universe, the forces of Chaos, or Raven of the First Peoples (that god who stole the Sun, made the world, and spread knowledge and learning among the scattered races); to assume that by Creator our founders meant Jesus, or Yahweh, or any other deity not specifically named in our founding texts, is: to make assumptions founded on narrow-mindedness and on a penchant for exclusionary practices; to violate the constitutional mandate of securing the Blessings of Liberty (for a definition of liberty, see here) to ourselves and to our Posterity by restricting the ability of the American citizen to operate according to his or her free will (by forcing him or her to genuflect before a god not necessarily of his or her choosing).

  America does not have an official national language, and it will never have an official national religion. The establishment of an official national religion would signal: the ending of our republic; the ending of the rule of rationality and of Justice; and the violation of the constitutional parameters of Domestic Tranquility and the Blessings of Liberty.
  Join me in fighting this threat to our fine nation, so that we together might safeguard our most precious documents and maintain Liberty here and abroad. Let us give in neither to irrational fear nor to irrational judgement; rather, let us maintain the principle of Reason and practice it in all our daily affairs. There is no time to spare, but time is short.

  Stand up. Speak out. Spread liberty.

Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp