national guard mobilized

Across the United States of America, the National Guard is being mobilized to protect the homes of the country’s richest inhabitants. Tens of thousands of armed soldiers are moving into place, forming tight cordons around affluent neighborhoods that might possibly at some point in the near future perhaps be threatened by hordes of starving wage-slaves. Armed with the most advanced weapons available, including main battle tanks and attack helicopters, the U.S. Army appears poised to beat back even the most braven assault against the only segment of society that really matters.

Piggybacking on efforts to further shift the tax burden from those who have the most financial resources to those who have the fewest, the decision to use the military to protect America’s privileged few was probably made at the highest levels of the Trump administration. The cost of said mobilization will, of course, also be shouldered and executed by the poor, the needy, and the disenfranchised.

Secret plans obtained by WikiLeaks have exposed the impending activation of Project Cherry Pick, a nation-wide police action which calls for the most physically attractive children of poor families to be rounded up for training in the art of physically pleasuring the rich and the powerful. A flawed democracy, the American empire seems to be backsliding rapidly into an oligarchic tyranny not seen since the debauchery and excess of pre-collapse Rome. Hope remains for those willing and able to keep their hearts pure - and their sixes covered.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

on crazy daisies

The Glorious Republic of Grigovia, having recognized the impending shift in the sun's polar alignment and the affect that shift is having on the minds of normally sane people, declared the remainder of 2013 and the first half of 2014 Crazy Days. During the next 11 months, anyone feeling mad, nutty, wacko, strange, loopy, loony, crazy, wigged-out, or just plain odd is advised to pin a daisy to his or her shift-collar and have the fuck at it. Persons seeking to avoid the sight of or unwanted consequences from contact with People Acting Strangely – i.e. Crazy Daisies – are advised to do their grocery shopping during the day and to stay away from crowded areas. Last decade, during Crazy Days, a mere 9 persons were killed by other humans, with 147 non-fatal injuries and 18 deaths resulting from falls and animal assaults. (Compare this to Crazy Days 1900, when hundreds of lunatics died trying to gain entrance into the Homes for Orphans of Imperialistic Overreach that dot Grig, the nation's capital. Fiercely defended by crews of machine-pistol-toting babushkas, not one of the Homes was ever fully breached.) The Ministry of Information, which approves this message, understands the futility of trying to reason with people who are off their rockers; nevertheless it urges all citizens to remember that deep, conscious breathing and cold baths are two effective ways to combat a case of the crazies, and that mace or pepper spray (both of which are available upon request at any Grigovian National Police station) are effective in holding off encroaching buffoons until help arrives. As always, dear Grigovians, stay safe out there, and don't forget to check for flowers.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥