In a shocking, late-Sunday-night twist, Grigogi Chevlovskiev, 39, father of a four year old girl, spoke for more than three whole minutes on a topic unrelated to and having virtually nothing to do with Alloninya, his daughter, raven-haired spawn of his loins. Whereas Mr. Chevlovskiev has since the birth of his first child not been able to go for very long without pointing out just how cool, funny, witty, or cute he considers his kid to be, he shocked the small crowd of fellow coffee-shop patrons by speaking on a matter of national importance instead of explaining his daughter's supposedly special or apparently hilarious ticks, habits, preferences, pet-peeves, routines, hijinks, likes, or dislikes. The spell of non-child-related activity ended, however, when the man glanced at his smart-phone, which as a background image features a picture of his daughter with her face covered in bright-red cherry pie filling, whereupon he launched into a detailed, long-winded explanation – for the fucking millionth time that day, it seemed like – of what exactly she would be doing at her preschool's special Summer session.
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