man refuses true love

A single, highly-educated, physically healthy, financially-well-to-do American male of Asian and First People ancestry, Thomas Jefferson Gathering-Cloud, aged 28, himself a successful entrepreneur hailing from Dubuque, Iowa but residing currently in Bangor, Maine, has spent the last several years living a lonely, single life after his last girlfriend broke up with him via a text-message. His business is booming despite the weak economy, his dog is well-trained, his house is modern, paid for, nearly self-sustaining, and tastefully furnished, and his neighborhood is filled with kind and generous people whose company he enjoys, but Mr. Gathering-Cloud cannot seem to wrap his mind around the fact that, as he is by all measures on top of his game, the universe would see fit to send his way a nice girl with whom to settle down.

“I just want to relax and have a good time minding my own business without the love of my life, the most beautiful, kind, caring, and giving woman I have ever seen, waltzing around in front of my house all day,” said the afflicted gentleman while peering out of his tightly drawn blinds with a look of barely-concealed, secret love. “There she is again, just walking by with her dog and what looks like a bag full of groceries. Would you please come and see how cute she looks in those sneakers? I know in my heart that she is The One: she and I have even spoken about it, and she has expressed to me – openly and with considerable erudition – her undying loyalty, profound respect, and deeply-rooted affection for me and for all that encompasses my being – she even goes out of her way, a few miles at least, to walk through this neighborhood and past my house every day, enticing me with her loveliness and taunting me with those fabulous legs. She is perfect for me in height, weight, race, level of intelligence, dental hygiene practices, physical fitness, and mental acuity, but, I don't know, I just can't seem to bring myself to actually trust that the universe would simply just drop a gem like her in my lap.”

As of press-time, Mr. Gathering-Cloud had nearly made up his mind to not worry about things too much and to finally ask the pretty girl out on a date.

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