haiku 29 August 2017

ISIS terrorists
Are as dangerous as white,
Christian terrorists

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

asshole bloggers honored

An exclusive crowd of Internet trolls, gaslighters, and shit-posters gathered today at a prestigious hotel in Washington D.C. for the first annual Donald J. Trump Internet Bullying Awards (IBA). In attendance were some of the most vitriolic living persons to ever log onto Facebook, 4chan, Reddit, Twitter, and Tumblr.

Many award recipients - fearful of being confronted in real life for their Online shenanigans - chose to attend virtually rather than in person, watching the event through encrypted connections and sharing their opinions in dedicated, invite-only chat rooms. The award for Most Dramatic Drive to Suicide went (in absentia) to M. C., a young lady recently convicted for apparently convincing her former boyfriend to kill himself. 

The award IBA was set up in honor of America’s 45th president, himself a shameless gaslighter who spends his time not focused on solving the nation’s economic ills or defeating Daesh (ISIS) but on trolling journalists and his fellow minor celebrities with hate-filled, fake-news shitposts. Mr. Trump was nominated for the prestigious Online Bully of the Year award, losing however to a racist teenage virgin from West Virginia.


americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Daesh ambassador arrives

A new ambassador arrived at the United Nations this morning, to little fanfare. Representing the ‘Islamic State’ in Syria and the Levant (Daesh, or ISIL), Iqbad al-Khyber plans to fight for the right to spread a caliphate over all known peoples of the world. “By referring to my group as a state, high-ranking members of the United States gave us legitimacy and allowed us to gain access to this international body,” al-Khyber said, updating his profile on the jihadist Twitter account he runs. Appointed to his position by a Daesh ruling body that is in the process of fleeing the Syrian and Russian forces liberating Aleppo, the ISIL ambassador finished taping his terrorist group’s flag to the inside of his hotel window then ventured out into the streets of New York for a look around. “It’s surprising to me that we have made it this far,” he said, his eyes dancing across the opulent skyscrapers and clothing boutiques rising from Manhattan bedrock. “If only the Palestinians would catch on and pledge to fight the sworn enemies of America while in actuality battling the Ynki imperialist and his blood-drenched cohorts. We are foreign outsiders who gained official American recognition within a few years by committing horrible atrocities and subjecting large swaths of central Asia to Sharia law, whereas the Palestinians, the Ynki Dakota Sioux, the Iraqi Yazidi, or the Burmese Kachin are native peoples primarily yearning to choose their own path in life. Who knew that all a group of people had to do in order to gain recognition as such was call itself a state?” After a few hours of aimless wandering, al-Khyber reached the memorial raised in memory of the 11 September 2001 attacks, where he wept in honor of the 15 Saudi Arabian hijackers who had died in the process of reducing the World Trade Center’s twin towers to rubble.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

president recognizes Palestine

In a long-hoped-for gesture of respect for the existence of more than four million people, Mr. Barack Obama today officially recognized the State of Palestine. “For an ancient and proud people such as the Palestinian people to be forced into massive open-air prison camps and kept there without access to the infrastructures we’ve come to recognize as those necessary to live a fulfilling human life, that is a tragedy that defies the kind of basic decency we look for in one another,” the president said from amidst rows of frost-tipped roses planted near his residence. Speaking just after the crack of dawn on 8 November 2016 - election day, in America - Mr. Obama went on, saying. “I mean, people in positions of power here in the U.S.A. started calling the terrorist organization known as Daesh ‘Islamic State’ after those murderous thugs had been around for only a couple years and captured themselves a city or two.” At this point, the president chuckled, shaking his head and looking down. “And here we have the Palestinians, who’ve been living in the Middle East since biblical times, and for seven decades I and the presidents who came before me have not once recognized the right of Palestine to exist - nay, the right for it to be recognized as a state? And for what? So that religious zealots of a different stripe can occupy land and build settlements on that land with impunity and in stark violation of international law? If we can bring ourselves to call Daesh 'Islamic State’, then we can bring ourselves to refer to the self-organized people living in Israel’s concentration camps by-the-sea as the State of Palestine. It’s that simple.”

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑

swift merciless clean

We received an invite a solemn request to come join the forces now fighting Daesh. The head of all Syria, Assad, his name, did ask that we help him to remove the stain that spread from the ruins of Saddam's Iraq that threatens us heathens with steady attack. Not far from our borders these terrorists kill and suckle at hatred's most foul-smelling swill and seek to reduce all that's been free of late under an immoral and strict caliphate. They are not real Muslims defend not their home but rather desire to reduce to bone and rubble and dust all they can't comprehend all that their weak egos does seem to offend. We've learned from the Kurds just what frightens them most and that is a well-armed and feminine host who we've now assembled from our defense forces who will head to battle on foot or on horses. They'll march into battle united as one a thousand proud daughters not one single son they'll bring to the front every ounce of their power and hound and abuse Daesh hour by hour. They'll dig attack-tunnels and show Daesh scum the strength of the wily Grigovian woman and tear out his eyeballs and stab out his liver and be hard death-merchants not tender life-givers. Once they are successful we'll send many more to pound at the caliphate's wall fence and door and mock him by singing bright songs from their youth and teaching him Islam's most enduring truth: that to kill an innocent soul body face is to kill every member of the human race that such evil actions do not go unseen but are met with justice swift merciless clean.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

type of terror

With heartbreak and torment they wanted to do the trite type of terror that only they knew. With bomb-vest and rifle with knife caltrop tweet and seeking to rip up society's sheet they woke up that morning and spoke the due rites to all that is Evil both daytimes and nights. With sadness before them and cruelness behind they sat there then brooding all trapped in the mind aloof to the madness that would be their act their thoughts turned to all of the corpses they'd stack. Then off for the market or off for the game they went seeking Islam to slander and shame to murder their victims whose only real crime was being alive at wrong place and wrong time. To counter these madmen with bomb missile round is a policy far from both solid and sound for they can then paint us as murderous apes who blow up things then go back home to eat crepes. A simple solution is to first show love to second stop praying to forces above to third starve their bellies and stop buying oil then fourth maybe put these fools under the soil. With all of the money we've spent making war to now find ourselves with such cunts at our door just shows that our efforts to date weren't true wherefore we'd be wise to go try something new. By opening doors to each poor refugee who flees Daesh violence by land or by sea is to prove to ourselves that we are still kind that we can leave all of our anger behind and then stand together united as one until war and sadness have finally gone.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥