asshole bloggers honored

An exclusive crowd of Internet trolls, gaslighters, and shit-posters gathered today at a prestigious hotel in Washington D.C. for the first annual Donald J. Trump Internet Bullying Awards (IBA). In attendance were some of the most vitriolic living persons to ever log onto Facebook, 4chan, Reddit, Twitter, and Tumblr.

Many award recipients - fearful of being confronted in real life for their Online shenanigans - chose to attend virtually rather than in person, watching the event through encrypted connections and sharing their opinions in dedicated, invite-only chat rooms. The award for Most Dramatic Drive to Suicide went (in absentia) to M. C., a young lady recently convicted for apparently convincing her former boyfriend to kill himself. 

The award IBA was set up in honor of America’s 45th president, himself a shameless gaslighter who spends his time not focused on solving the nation’s economic ills or defeating Daesh (ISIS) but on trolling journalists and his fellow minor celebrities with hate-filled, fake-news shitposts. Mr. Trump was nominated for the prestigious Online Bully of the Year award, losing however to a racist teenage virgin from West Virginia.


americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Like Irish car bombs? Try a 9-11 suicide high-jacker

In honor of the fathead who named the Irish car bomb, the Confederated Mixologists of America (coma.us.biz) announced today the newest drink to make light of a murderous reality. Just as the Irish car bomb ridicules the lives lost during the Troubles, this new drink ridicules the lives snuffed out on that sunny day in 2001. Entered in the books officially as the 9-11 suicide high-jacker, this liquid drug mixture requires of its user no personal sacrifice of any kind, nor does it reward her with even the semblance of dignity.

To make a 9-11 suicide high-jacker, mix two parts cinnamon fireball whiskey with one part baby's tears, and throw in a pinch of concrete dust. Hurl the mixture from the shattered window of a one-hundred-and-ten story building, and garnish with a battered box-cutter. Enjoy!

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit