on UNUBG

Have you seen on television United Nations soldiers standing around in hot, impoverished places with blue helmets on their heads? Have you ever wished you could shake the hands of these bored-looking people and thank them for their service? If so, keep an eye out in your own neighborhood for a member of the United Nation's Urban Beautification Group (UNUBG), which is a loose affiliation of self-directed urban beautification specialists (SDUBS) licensed under a mandate from the U.N. Special Assembly for the Perpetration and Preservation of Street Art (SAPPSA) to apply their graffiti on any otherwise unadorned and drab-looking public surface.

You will identify these SDUBS by their patented blue UN windbreakers and by a rambunctious spirit common among today's young people. But act quickly, because the SDUBS who are executing Operation Coverall (OPCOV) in cities and towns across the globe are wily and suspicious individuals who strike hard and fade away into the night. This is the first graffiti campaign to be waged by an international body; it is the most aggressive and best-financed street art campaign ever launched, to date. Authorized last year by an executive mandate signed by Ban Ki Moon himself, OPCOV has been criticized by civic leaders and property-owners alike, who claim that the action infringes upon their right to own and to erect structures of boring and repetitive design.

Supreme Leader Moon says that he mistakenly authorized Operation Coverall when he signed a document that he thought was a birthday card for a niece. He claims to have never before heard of SDUBS, or of graffiti.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

seal of the Grigovian Resistance Forces

relinerize today

Do you grow a new stomach lining every week? Are you tired of your body constantly having to coat the inside of your guts with a new layer of cells? If so, Bioregenetics International Inc. (BII) announced last week from its headquarters in Maine a revolutionary new way to ensure that the human stomach stays properly lined. "People are fed up with the inconvenience of natural stomach lining regeneration," said Dr. Thornton Barleywaithe, director of product development at Bioregenetics. "Our product provides a feasible alternative to the constant hassle of standard regeneration."

The new product, named Relinerize, is a half-pound of stomach lining starter cells that, once swallowed whole, lines the stomach with a more robust covering than usual, reducing wasteful energy consumption. Clinical trials on Rhesus primates have shown a remarkable reduction in energy usage due to constant regeneration as well as a reduced dependency on shellfish as a major dietary supplement. Relinerize, which is taken only once every three months, completely eliminates the natural process of stomach lining rejuvenation, one that occurs regularly in most healthy people. Due to the constant presence of acidic digestive fluids crucial to the digestive process, the stomach is in a perpetual death spiral of destruction and rejuvenation. Studies have shown that the body takes longer than most people wish it would to remove and regrow the damaged cells. Relinerize adheres to the stomach wall and expands to cover the entire organ with a thick coat of cells twenty times that of the average stomach wall. "The thickness of a Relinerized stomach wall is the key to the product's success," said Mary Yardmoth, lead researcher on the Relinerize developmental team. "With our new product, the speed of degradation to the stomach wall is slowed dramatically. An additional benefit of the Relinerized stomach's reduced capacity is marked but healthy weight loss similar but far superior to the invasive practice of stomach stapling."

While Bioregenetics says that the ingestible version of Relinerize is easy to swallow, they have hinted at the development of a new, implantable, capsule-sized microfactory that functions much like an implantable birth control device. "We understand that most consumers are willing and able to dry-swallow a half pound of gelatinous membrane," Barleywaithe noted, "but there is a small segment of the population that would rather have a miniature cellular production factory sewn onto the outside of their digestive pouch." (From the proposed device, an uninterrupted flow of robust cells would spew forth into the digestive cavity.) Relinerize is shipped via special overnight delivery in a sleek foam container marked BIO-HAZARD in bold red lettering, making it easy to spot. The product must be ingested immediately to guarantee the highest rate of success. "We want to stress the importance of immediate consumption," Yardmoth said. "Please don't just leave a shipment of Relinerize out in a sun-baked mailbox."

(Relinerize® is a registered trademark of MFF Holdings Group. For further information, and to order your free sample of Relinerize, e-mail relinerizeinfo@bioregenetics.net)

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

somewhat-royal honeymoon

Thallandia Yündlennd married Reginald Augustus Steele for a second time this past weekend, in Grig, capital of Grigovia. In this small, Central Asian nation, tradition dictates that bride and groom state in the presence of a witness (of their choosing) to uphold and protect the Life, Liberty, and Property of the other person; once they and the witness have signed the Statement of Loving and Voluntary Partnership, the couple is officially married. (Religious organizations are forbidden from interfering with marriage; it is a secular affair. Either party may leave a marriage at any time and for any reason, but most pairs stay hitched because, according to nearly every twosome interviewed for this story, “we wouldn't have wed in the first place if we didn't plan on sticking together.” Grigovia's court system is staunchly egalitarian – in cases of divorce, children older than 13 years can choose which parent to live with whereas younger offspring go to the more psychologically stable person [with the less stable person receiving visitation rights]; property and debt are split equally. Marriage between couples of the same sex has been legal in Grigovia since 1964.)

After signing the necessary documents, the princess and Mr. Steele drank two beers each, smashing the bottles at the bottom of a concrete staircase behind City Hall (where Statements of Partnership are stored). Then, they bicycled two miles to Grig's main train station and purchased second-class tickets to the western city of Pyltagrad. (The Grigovian royal house has enjoyed only symbolic significance since Thallandia's great-grandfather abdicated in 1912 in order to return the right of self-government to his people.) After a few nights at one of Pyltagrad's many fine vineyards, the couple traveled east, to Gar Nuuzsh, where they stayed for a week with Thallandia's parents. (While there, the not-so-newlyweds set up a website with pictures and videos from their first honeymoon, most of which they spent backpacking through California's Sierra Nevada mountain range.) Upon meeting his son-in-law in person for the first time, King Erdogassdt Yündlennd said, merely, “Hrm.”

The wedding comes at an already joyous time for Grigovia. Unemployment is the lowest it's been in four decades, health-care is universal and efficient, and a new robotic hybrid-electric bus system services even the most secluded hamlet. “The Banoyend [Grigovians' name for themselves] are fair, but they can be brutal,” Reginald Steele said. “Throughout their history, they have expelled foreign usurpers and invading armies alike with legendary ferocity while showing kindness and generosity to neighbors in need. The princess and I plan to use our natural-born abilities to improve the lives of as many Grigovians as we can, she with her engineering skills and I with my art. We are easing our way into society humbly and patiently, so as not to stoke anyone's ire.” As part of the somewhat-royal couple's gift to the Grigovian people and in an effort to promote peaceful trade between peoples, they will spend next Spring clearing land mines sowed by Soviet forces in the mountain passes that lead into Afghanistan. Princess Thallandia is expecting twins.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia blocks pipeline

After reviewing numerous environmental and economic feasibility studies, the Grigovian government is blocking a plan to drain local aquifers and export the water via pipeline. The decision is based primarily on concerns for the country's future independence and enduring water security. AguaMundo Holdings Ltd. (AHL), the Argentinian-Indian company that first proposed the idea, claims that the pipeline will bring prosperity to parched communities throughout Central Asia. “By moving water from these pristine limestone aquifers to the rain-deprived steppes of Grigovia's neighbor nations, we will help impoverished people gain self-sufficiency through agriculture,” said Armando Gupta, chief operating officer for AHL. “With access to these reserves and a 40 year exclusive contract to carry water anywhere in the Yalung River watershed or floodplain, our company will be able to operate at a relatively low cost to the consumer.”

News of the proposed pipeline (as well as the selling off of Grigovia's sovereign resources) sparked protests and indignation. Tens of thousands of people carrying signs and banners have gathered in front of the nation's parliamentary buildings to protest the pipeline talks; some three hundred environmentalists have set up a tent village in Free Speech Square, just down the road from the prime minister's house, where they plan to remain until the threats to Grigovian sovereignty and national resources have passed; and a group of vocational-technical college students is traveling on foot in the areas along the pipeline's proposed route to record the flora and fauna that live there and upload their videos to Youtube, in order to showcase the ecologically-diverse landscapes that would be threatened. “We will not rest until the threat to our homeland has passed,” said a masked protester in Free Speech Square who was perched atop a lamppost talking to passers-by. “We do well in Grigovia because we protect our resources, using them wisely and slowly, using them so that we all share equally of our natural bounty. This foreign company, however, wants to take our water and sell it to the Tajiks and the Uzbeks, our kind and generous regional neighbors. We love our oppressed brothers and sisters, and we wish them the best, but we refuse to let outsiders drain our aquifers and pipe our water – the very lifeblood of our people – beyond our borders and down into the dry and the dusty plains.”

Initial support for the pipeline came from a group of politicians from the Grigovia Forward Grigovia First Party (ЮВЮД). The group, which is known as the Kremlin 7 for their close ties to Russian business and political leaders, was also behind efforts to privatize Grigovia's national forests and open strip-mining concessions in the Yiptlong massif. Despite receiving less than 10% of the votes in national elections, ЮВЮД maintains influence in Parliament due mostly to its sizable war-chest, which is estimated to be as large as the gross domestic product of Sri Lanka and Liechtenstein, combined.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on quartering artists

Throughout the ages, Grig has attracted all types of artists. From dreamer and schemer to musician and entertainer, clown and pickpocket to acrobat and whore, visionaries from all walks of life have made this city their home. Some came to gaze upon the towering spires of the Yiptlong massif, others to exploit the skills of local craftsmen, but anyone who was ever here yearns above all else to bask once more in the generosity of the local inhabitants. Glad to share freely of their hearty food and strong czabtyip wine, Grigovians support unfettered artistic expression by participating in a privately-operated lottery. (5% of revenues cover the lottery's operating costs; the rest is used to maintain live-work galleries that for centuries have lined the foothills east of the Yalung River.) Among the artists to have made names for themselves here are Albrecht Dürer, Felix Mendelsohn, Lewis Carrol (who taught briefly at the Academy of Mathematical Computation), Salvador Dali, Earnest Hemingway, Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson, and Quwvin Olyast. (In 1914, in Pyltagrad, Quwvin founded a commune for artists and their families. Shortly after the Second World War, he organized and presided over the first Artists' Congress, which provided art-based shell shock treatment to soldiers returning from war and organized the world's first Artists' Support Society [ASS], a group that still provides talented people with the tools they need to be creative.)

In line with the ancient traditions, today's Grigovian artist is painter and sculptor, poet and carpenter, urban survivalist and compassionate philanthropist. He is a Consummate Caleb, not a One Track Jack. He is as comfortable in a graffiti-stained sewer as he is in a fine Parisian salon; his tools are spray-can and chisel, pencil and computer mouse, papier mâché and fluorescent bacteria; he accepts challenges both daunting and laughable, exploring society's weak points by shaking it to its core. His is a world where private behavior is unregulated but the boundaries of public behavior are clearly defined, where the default emotional state is quiet humility, and where few quarrels occur because everyone is armed.

The Nonnia Olyast Work-Live Gallery Block is named for Quwvin's wife, who shortly after her death was declared a national heroine for her efforts to cure homelessness. In addition to funds from the national lottery, the new Block is partly financed by princess-in-exile Thallandia Yündlennd and her fiancé, Reginald Augustus Steele. Now 24 years old, the princess studies mechanical engineering in Los Angeles, at the University of California. On an early-morning bicycle ride from Little Tokyo via Sunset up into Hollywood (i.e. the Ord Run), she met Mr. Steele, who is considered by prudent observers to be somewhat of a loose cannon, although he is a talented artist and good with kids. In an official statement from the Artists' Support Society, Grigovia is now a safe haven for any artist who has ever been abused, neglected, or under-appreciated. Come and all, make beauty wall.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

national bird selected

The discovery by field researchers of a breeding pair of pygmy burrowing snow owls (nyctea scandiaca pyltaregina) in the Pylta The Terrible National Ecological Protection Area (PTTNEPA) has buoyed the spirits of the Grigovian people. “I remember, as a child, seeing these birds whilst vising relatives in the dizzyingly-high valleys north of Pyltagrad,” said Dorevtha Mouiryindt, 72, who now lives in the southern city of Pryaghdoyest. “Try as we did, my cousins and I could never catch a bird, let alone get close enough to touch one. They are wary, watchful, and quick – the perfect choice for our national bird.”

While technically part of the genus nyctea scandiaca, pyltareginae differ significantly. Brightly-colored plumage clusters around face and foot and lead edge of wing; to some observers, the birds resemble flamenco dancers dressed for carnival. (The birds appear to use the colorful bands during courtship and to demarcate territory.) “We find few opportunistic predators this size that have evolved such attention-getting plumage,” said Yue Zhishuou, 39, an ornithologist at the University of Stockholm. “But the birds, when they hunt during the day, hunt in packs, using tactics similar to those used by other top predators, including killer whales. After locating their prey, they fly away from it in different directions. Then, with piercing screams in their throats, they come floating back on wings of silent menace, dropping from the sky directly above their victim with talons snapping and beaks grasping for purchase. Most often, they run their quarry in circles until it trips over its own feet and collapses into a panting heap, whereupon they pounce.”

“The uhuiyendt are fascinating creatures,” said Hennu Yiptlend, Grigovia's Secretary of the Interior – Natural Resources, using the local name for the birds (uhuiyendt, pronounced oo-whoo-ee-yend-t). “They form family bonds that last for generations, they defend their territory with reckless ferocity, they use tools to reach deep into anthills, they can punch through a foot of iced-over snow while hunting vole in wintertime, and they do all these things dressed in bold plumage replete with dazzling bursts of color.” The minister tied our steppe ponies to a stunted tree just below the top of a wind-swept ridge. We walked to the summit and glassed down onto a flock of uhuiyendt hunting rodents in the sparse Autumn grasses. My host directed my gaze to where a few birds had chased a field mouse out into the open. They screeched and dove at it until the little beast – confused and panicking – ran into the waiting talons of a big, red female. In the early morning sun, her plumage was so bright that I had to lower my binoculars and blink the sunspots from my eyes. The owls started diving at us a few minutes later, loosing their piercing screams at ear level and chasing us off their ridge with quick efficiency. “These birds live nowhere else – they are ours alone,” said Mr. Yiptlend as we were working the horses down a series of switchbacks. “The flock we just saw will defend that ridge from other predators for the next three months but not bag from it, so that, when they return to hunt, vole is fat and mouse is lazy. There are few birds as fierce, efficient, and cunning as the uhuiyendt, few nations a resilient and egalitarian as Grigovia. Long live the People's Republic.” (For more information about the uhuiyendt, and to see pictures of its colorful plumage, please visit pyltaregina.avian.gv.)

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

goddess alights

Without fanfare – without plume of smoke, clap of thunder, or blinding bolt of light – goddess Athena made landfall in a town in the Mid-Atlantic region of the republic of America. She looked into homes, offices, and shops, but found little to hold her attention. Cloaked in the guise of a world-weary old man, she tried to buy a drink from a store with a red-and-green-striped sign.

Broke and hung-over from a friend's bachelor party, the store clerk stared at the thick gold disc the old bum had just given him, palming it as he dropped three Sacajawea coins onto the rest of the change. Pallas Athena, she who blesses the labors of artist and warrior alike, feeling spited and ill-received, stood her ground – she threw back the worthless tender and demanded the return of her golden coin. After a while, the police arrived, summoned by a silent alarm. Before they could arrest the strange old man, however, he escaped into the store's cramped rear storage-quarters, from which, strangely, no door leads to the outside.

Brave and majestic Athena, she who lifts the hearts of flagging friends, having made herself invisible so as to escape the clutches of what she could tell were bad people bent on doing her harm, had already folded the Gorgon's head to the fore of her Aegis breastplate when mercy stayed her hand; one last turn of the endlessly shifting cloth and that dreadful weapon would have peeked forth. Instead of turning her assailants to stone, however, the goddess relented. She erased the police officers' memories and cursed the clerk to a pitiful life of abject wage-slavery devoid of pleasure, in which direction she figured he was heading, anyway.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

cop-be-gone

Have you ever run into a power-maddened, nitpicking, racist, or similarly mentally-challenged police officer? Do you find yourself occasionally pulled over on the side of a desolate highway in the middle of the night staring at an angry stranger as he bangs on your car's window with a two foot long flashlight? Have you ever left your house and been accosted immediately by a gravel-voiced man who appears to despise you completely, from your hair to your clothes to the way that you walk?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, grab a pen and paper, and take down this number: country code 001 line 8973302746 extension 5390 sub-chapter 418 desk 0. By calling this short, easy-to-remember string of digits, you will summon to your side a pair of Enforcers of Liberty, impartial agents charged with securing your constitutionally- guaranteed Blessings of Liberty and dedicated to preserving your right to pursue your Happiness any way you see fit so long as you are not infringing upon the Happiness of any other person.

Enforcers of Liberty are trained in the Socratic method, in the pacification of irate police officers, and in at least three different martial arts. These agents defend your freedom, and they will stay by your side until the forces of repression harass you no longer. They are not armed with knives, or guns – among their tools are a pure heart, a firm grasp of the English language, an immovability similar to that of a stone wall, and an firm dedication to the preservation of individual Liberty. So don't delay – call today (we'll keep those pesky cops away).

(To summon a pair of Enforcers of Liberty to your side, dial [001] 8973302746, select extension 5390, choose sub-chapter 418, ring desk 0, and ask for help.)

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia buys Liberty

In an effort to celebrate the ideals inherent to this awesome goddess – she who has favored the nation throughout its tumultuous history – the Glorious Republic of Grigovia purchased the Statue of Liberty. “In America, it's sad to say, we don't really follow her lead anymore,” said Frank O'Shea-DiTomasso, a longshoreman from Staten Island, New York, who was in the hold of an ocean-going vessel securing a copper-clad arm for transport. “Most people I know are slaves to their jobs, to the things they own, to televised programming, and to little pieces of papery cotton that have dead guys' faces printed on them. It's a shame to see her go, but, at day's end, few around here will miss the old dame.”

As a nod to the tremendous power of freedom, Grigovia now requires all citizens older than 18 years to pass a course designed to teach them how to make the best and fullest use of their Liberty. Individuals are given two options upon completion: they can either have their identification cards embossed with Liberty's crown-and-rays or the symbol tattooed onto a prominent part of their bodies (using a specially-formulated, non-toxic ink that glows in ultra-violet lighting). The most popular area is the top of a hand; some go for the forehead; and a few get inked on neck, throat, and cheekbone. (The tattoo's prominent placement serves as a constant reminder of the person's oath – sworn before a magistrate and sealed with freshly-spilled blood – to protect Liberty from anyone who might do her harm.) People who attend the course learn the importance of both communal cooperation and individual sacrifice, and that one is expected to do as one pleases so long as one's actions do not infringe upon the life, Liberty, or property of any other person. The course is designed to fill the citizen with a strong sense of both personal responsibility and quiet humility so that he or she does to body, mind, and property as he or she decides will best effect Happiness. (Liberated individuals may consume any drug they wish, cut their hair as they wish, and speak freely without fear of repercussion so long as they are not inciting violence.) Plans are in place to drastically reduce police forces once enough civilians understand the power of deliberate action and embrace the joyously peaceful task of mutual prosperity.

“This is to be Lady Liberty's new home,” said Uwelda Iyetast, acting curator of the new Museum of National Liberty, while standing on the masonry pad upon which the goddess shall soon rest. After six months of restorations, the statue will be reassembled on an island in the Yalung River located in the heart of Grig, the nation's capital. (A lunatic asylum from the 19th Century that had previously occupied the island burned down during post-Soviet upheavals; it was fully demolished last year to prepare for the iconic statue, although most of the building's iron superstructure was used to build pedestrian bridges that lead to the Museum.) With tears of joy in her eyes, Mrs. Iyetast explained the history of the statue from its inception to the present day, ending her speech with a standard Grigovian ritual, tossing flowers and libations into the shifting winds of Fortune so as to guarantee Liberty's safe arrival. “Unlike the people in her former home, we Grigovians are well aware of the dangers of allowing people to just do whatever they want and calling it freedom,” the curator said. “Liberty works best when individuals let every action, thought, and word resound with joyous Happiness.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Amigo The Devil - The Recluse (Official Video)

Grigovia recognizes independence

As a sign of solidarity to all peoples who struggle for their freedom, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) officially recognized their independence. In a declaration, GROG first defined the concepts of both independence and Liberty before listing the peoples whose efforts it supports. These include the Tamil of Sri Lanka, the West Papuan tribes of Indonesia, the Lakota Sioux of the United States of America, the Tuareg of nations across the Sahara, the Mapuche of South America, the Kurdish minorities in Central Asia, and the Palestinians in the Middle East.

“We fought the Soviet empire for many years, pouring out blood, sweat, and tears in our efforts to free ourselves from the yoke of oppression,” said Djaindoglast Bilyend, deputy head of the Grigovian foreign ministry. “As a result, we shall never stop fighting for Liberty, justice, and independence, or for the right to choose our own course in this world – for the fleeting beauty of self-determination. Now, we hold aloft the torch of Progress as a beacon to downtrodden peoples the world over by which they might find their way back out of slavery.”

Grigovia held a summit for leaders of the aforementioned independence movements in the fortified halls of the HM Queen Pylta Hotel. After a sensible meal of czabtyip wine and tchuirff – a local pastry made of acorn flower, goose meat, and sharp curry – prime minister Dr. Alaia Estoyast pledged financial and material support to all peoples who yearn to be free. “We weep for your fallen, we bleed when you are cut, and we stand alongside you every step of the way,” she said, to thunderous applause. GROG, a small, landlocked nation, is readying teams of advisers that it will send to meet with and train the various militias, as well as any government-in-exile, but only by request, never forcefully. Progress has already been made: thanks in part to Grigovian efforts, the United Nations recently granted the Palestinians observer state status, much to the consternation of the freedom-hating governments of America and Israel.

(For a list of downtrodden peoples, please visit http://ministry.foreign.gv/independence.)




mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on Corn Cribs

This past Mother's Day weekend, slotted in prime-time advertising segments across its various networks, MTV ran a series of ads promoting its semi-hit series, Corn Cribs. The show focuses on revamped and often completely rebuilt bins for keeping and for drying entire ears of corn (so as to prolong their self-life and reduce moisture-related transportation costs). Corn Cribs has been derided by critics for the fact that monetary and temporal resources that could have been used to uplift the poor or feed the hungry were instead wasted on filming camera-unready non-celebrities as they explained the process of preparing consumer-grade maize. Fans of the show hail predominately from the Southern and the Midwestern states; they praised MTV networks on both agriculture-related websites and Internet-based message boards for taking a chance on a concept focused on such a mundane aspect of everyday farming life. Said MTV chief executive Brandon “Hi-Wo” Hiffelworth, “Americans are worthless pieces of shit with enough free time on their hands that they can sit down and watch a show about spruced-up, pimped-out corn silos. These idiot bought nearly all of the products that advertised during the original airing of the show. Therefore, we decided to re-air all seven seasons of Corn-Cribs.”

According to unconfirmed reports, America's upstanding and self-respecting citizens – upon hearing the news – wept with uncontrollable shame.

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

hackers hail heroes

The free-thinking peoples of the world were shocked recently to hear of the planned brutalization of Aaron Swartz by agents of the American federal government. As punishment for acquiring freely-available documents and making them freely available to the public, this young hacker-activist (hacktivist) was scheduled to be sent to jail for nearly four decades and made to pay millions of dollars in fines. Instead, he committed suicide. Once a haven for persons seeking the free exchange of ideas, liberty of thought and mind, and justice for all persons equally, the United States of America have descended into a police state in which information is held hostage by private interest, justice is available only to millionaires, and the citizenry stumbles blindly through endlessly-expanding minefields of aggressive regulation.

The Grigovian Amicable Hackers' Federation (GAHF) released a statement today praising the recent action of the group known as Anonymous. “Your efforts to fight corruption and injustice in America and to liberate information from the cruel grasp of tyranny are an inspiration to freedom-fighters the world over. Pawns may have fallen, but the knights are out and the bishops are poised to strike. Worldwide, the agents of oppression seek to control the free flow of knowledge. We the vanguards of unfettered access vow to fight them to the last man. In the Western industrialized lands, the populations stupefy under incessant and compelling television programming; they sacrifice their long-term health by consuming preprocessed foods high in both fats and refined sugars; and they have been brainwashed into seeing us and our allies as their enemies, although we work tirelessly to defend the last shreds of Liberty for many a downtrodden people. The threat to freedom is greater now than it has been at perhaps any other time in human history. Citizens who might cry foul are instead docile and content – with full stomachs and distracted minds, they care not how many innocent persons their governments harass and bomb or what fundamental rights their elected representatives flush down the toilet. These poor saps must be saved from themselves, and justice must be felt by they who have managed to hide from her impartial blade. GAHF praises all who risk life, limb, and Liberty in pursuit of this goal.“

The GAHF main offices are nestled between a workshop that produces wooden toys and the headquarters of the Chinese-Grigovian Benevolent Society. GAHF occupies the third floor of an old garment factory, which affords views of Grig's Old Town district and the peaks of the distant Yiptlong massif. The federation pushed for and maintains a free access, country-wide Wi-Fi network and fights corruption wherever the foul beast should rear its ugly head. For more information, please visit http://www.gahf.gv, and click on the flashing icon of a grinning jolly-roger.

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥