Grigovia fights nutritionism

For the health and safety of current citizen and growing fetus alike, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia launched Operation Real Food Now (ORFN). A nationwide program aimed at gathering and disseminating traditional recipes and empirically-based eating advice passed down through the ages from grandmother to son and grandfather to daughter, ORFN emphasizes the consumption these items: fresh fruits and vegetables grown without pesticides; chemical-free oats, millet, and barley; dairy products fermented from cows living organically; eggs from chickens that eat bugs in the grass and live in the sun; and a minimal amount of meat. Questioning the merits of nutritionism (which is the idea that food can be broken down into its component parts, bombarded with trace minerals and vitamins, and processed back into food-like substances without harming the being consuming it or depriving him of what his body needs to live a disease-free life), Minister of Health Dr. Hheiryest Ondiest, said, “How our grandmothers taught us to eat is how it is healthiest to eat – a variety of unprocessed but cooked vegetables, yellow butter from roaming bovines, as little wheat as possible, lots of teas, an egg or two now and again, and meat only on the sacred days.” ORFN began in the Spring of 2013 with a country-wide ban on fast food. At the end of five years, the Ministry of Health will thoroughly measure the overall health of the Grigovian citizenry, its reaction to ORFN, and whether it has been eating its peas and carrots.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia accuses wildlife photographers of spying

Just weeks after apprehending a group of thirteen supposed wildlife photographers found loitering in its Lower Yalung Valley, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia today voiced suspicions that the individuals now incarcerated in the notorious Hrammbar prison complex are members of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. While the detained have been allowed to speak with their families and to receive medical attention and psychological care, four of them are rumored to be heavily addicted to the local strain of spice, and four more are being held in solitary confinement following a brazen but unsuccessful escape attempt.

Suspicions were raised when analyses of the Americans' photographs by (Soviet-trained) Grigovian image specialists revealed sensitive data relating to troop movements, field armaments, and active long-range missile sites in sublayers of seemingly innocent image files. Upon being questioned about the data, the Yankees were reported to have remained stone-faced and silent. Pitr Mohammad Yilyilanov, senior press agent for the Grigovian Ministry of Internal Information Gathering (MIIG) speaking from Grig, the nation's capital, stated in a press release that the Ministry had found packets of seemingly random data that, when arranged and compiled with two different sets of commercially available software, turned out to be detailed blueprints and technical specifications for primary military sites along the country's western border, which it shares with Iran.

Each of the thirteen Americans' passports appears to have been stamped by Grigovian customs officials upon entering the country, although MIIG is currently testing the authenticity of the ink, a proprietary blend made using the root of the mountain sharpstand, or czabtyip, which is a rare plant that grows only in the Lower Yalung. Persons processing czabtyip into ink become addicted frequently to the spice, which is a lesser component in the process, but which wafts up readily into the nostrils, and from there, into the lungs.

After verifying their good health and better cheer, the U.S. State Department demanded half-heartedly the return of the thirteen Americans. Insiders at State report that everyone there seems to be standing around in bored half-trances waiting for the real action to get started.

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