vapid and wild

From deep in our borders a strength does arise that against the forces of all darkness flies. It comes from the throats of man woman and child in warblings berserker shrill vapid and wild and sends many shivers down every spines of anyone who dares to cross o'er our lines. We stand independent from Ynki and Rus from enemies flagrant and those yet obtuse and ours is a mighty earth-shattering cry for we to the last man will throe fight and die. So heed ye this warning and meddle ye less in matters that are not your own business all foreign invaders much bent on empire who dare cross our sparsely-manned east or west wire. For we in Grigovia care for our own and want not for conflict that's financed or sown by shadowy figures from 'burg 'ville 'gorod who upon our sovereignty do seek to trod. We'll take in refugees from the Ynki wars and store them behind our own familys' doors but will not stand idly without due reply when cruel foreign devils our freedoms espy.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

border location confirmed

Even as it is tussling with Pakistan on its southeastern border, Afghanistan is celebrating its ongoing friendship with a small neighbor to the northwest, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia. “We recognize the continuing validity and current location of our border with Grigovia, and rejoice in the many years of peaceful prosperity we have shared together,” said Hamid Karzai, prime minster of Afghanistan, at an early-morning press conference in Herat. “Unlike the borders drawn by the cowardly British during the 19th Century, the delineating line that separates the Grigovian from the Afghani people runs exactly where we both agreed it should run during 1952's Regional Conference for Peaceful Prosperity – Central Asia.” After his speech, Karzai warmly greeted his counterpart from Grigovia, the newly-elected prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend.

“Thank you, brother Hamid,” said prime minster Velldoyend after waiting for a round of raucous applause to die down. “As one of the first female prime minsters in the history of Central Asia, I am overjoyed to be able to recommit to a future replete with peaceful cooperation and prosperous dealings between our two peoples. Together – that is, without any more undue and illegal meddling by foreign powers, especially the United States of America – we might yet after so many decades of hateful warmongering experience peace in these lands. Begone, Ynki invaders, and may you darken our common soils no longer.” To commemorate the occasion, the prime ministers signed a mutual trade and travel pact designed to increase and promote interaction between the Afghani and Grigovian peoples.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on arming rebels

The Grigovian government today issued a sharp rebuke of U.S. American efforts to sell arms to bands of Islamic extremist operating on the fringes of its western province of Tera Pyltannia, which borders Iran. Independent reports verify that operatives of the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) have been working ceaselessly to provide weapons to a loose collection of tribesmen known as al Qusuf. Once allied with Grigovia's own indigenous Yaelong tribes, al Qusuf were expelled from the country after briefly instituting orthodox Sharia law back in the 1840s and subsequently abusing the rights of thousands of peaceful peasant women. “For nearly all of this region's recorded history, al Qusuf have been causing trouble,” said Dr. Ulantha Grossman, professor of Central Asian history at Queen Pylta the Terrible University, in Pyltagrad. “By all accounts, the members of al Qusuf are bad, dangerous people whose tools are repression, fear, and murder. The American government appears to be growing increasingly desperate in its attempts to destabilize the Iranian government prior to its impending violation of the latter nation's sovereignty. If this is how the Ynki spreads freedom and democracy, we want no part of it.“

Grigovian scouting parties recently captured dozens of rocket-propelled grenades as well as surface-to-air missiles capable of punching a modern fighter jet out of the sky, all of them stamped “Made In America.” Scores of individuals attempting to deliver these sophisticated weapons systems to contacts in the various al Qusuf militias were arrested, temporarily hobbled, and sent back to Washington with stern warnings against further unwarranted meddling. (In accordance with a longstanding national law, members of al Qusuf found within the borders of Grigovia are given the chance to flee; if they refuse, they are strangled to death.) “We have little control over how the American government treats the Iranians to our west or the Afghanis to our south,” said Pendogarst Ulyind, Lieutenant-Colonel of the Grigovian Border Defense Forces, from a network of well-provisioned caves somewhere in the mountains east of the Iranian-Grigovian border. “We as a people learned enough from being treated as a doormat for the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan, however, to recognize clandestine foreign intervention for what it is – outright intrusion on our national sovereignty as well as a threat to regional stability.”

At least a dozen CIA operatives were carrying dossiers containing detailed information in languages familiar to al Qusuf about sites crucial to Grigovian infrastructure. “From the contents of these dossiers we conclude that U.S. American intelligence agencies are planning also to destabilize our own country's democratically elected government,” said Piendoyast Tormund, deputy Minister of Foreign Affairs for the state of Grigovia. “My office has already begun to draft a binding United Nations resolution that aims to curtail Ynki activities here in Central Asia, and we are working with Russia Today and al Jazeera to draw attention to the fact that the U.S. appears to be arming forces hostile to Liberty and the rule of law in places beyond its own borders, which violates numerous international statutes as well as its own legal code.” The Glorious Republic of Grigovia shares more than a hundred kilometers of mountainous, largely inaccessible border with Iran. In recent years, the nation has resisted nearly a dozen ham-fisted attempts by American consortia and corporations to gain control over its vast resources of rare-earth minerals.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia accuses wildlife photographers of spying

Just weeks after apprehending a group of thirteen supposed wildlife photographers found loitering in its Lower Yalung Valley, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia today voiced suspicions that the individuals now incarcerated in the notorious Hrammbar prison complex are members of the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency. While the detained have been allowed to speak with their families and to receive medical attention and psychological care, four of them are rumored to be heavily addicted to the local strain of spice, and four more are being held in solitary confinement following a brazen but unsuccessful escape attempt.

Suspicions were raised when analyses of the Americans' photographs by (Soviet-trained) Grigovian image specialists revealed sensitive data relating to troop movements, field armaments, and active long-range missile sites in sublayers of seemingly innocent image files. Upon being questioned about the data, the Yankees were reported to have remained stone-faced and silent. Pitr Mohammad Yilyilanov, senior press agent for the Grigovian Ministry of Internal Information Gathering (MIIG) speaking from Grig, the nation's capital, stated in a press release that the Ministry had found packets of seemingly random data that, when arranged and compiled with two different sets of commercially available software, turned out to be detailed blueprints and technical specifications for primary military sites along the country's western border, which it shares with Iran.

Each of the thirteen Americans' passports appears to have been stamped by Grigovian customs officials upon entering the country, although MIIG is currently testing the authenticity of the ink, a proprietary blend made using the root of the mountain sharpstand, or czabtyip, which is a rare plant that grows only in the Lower Yalung. Persons processing czabtyip into ink become addicted frequently to the spice, which is a lesser component in the process, but which wafts up readily into the nostrils, and from there, into the lungs.

After verifying their good health and better cheer, the U.S. State Department demanded half-heartedly the return of the thirteen Americans. Insiders at State report that everyone there seems to be standing around in bored half-trances waiting for the real action to get started.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit