Grigovia urges calm

Following recent bellicose rhetoric coming from DPRK leader Kim Jong Un and US leader Donald J. Trump, the Parliament of the Glorious Republic of Grigovia released an unanimous statement urging calm. “Nuclear war is against the interests of all humanity,” said prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend, whose Freedom and Prosperity Party holds a slight majority of seats in the bicameral body. “America is the only nation in the world to have used nuclear weapons in anger; we beg for cool heads to now prevail.” (In Grigovia, the Senate is populated by ten persons selected by the governing body of each independent city-state and canton, and the Congress is selected via popular vote. Similar to the Swiss system, the Grigovian Parliament oversees and manages foreign policy, national defense, federal railways, and the mint.)

“War must only be used as a last resort, a strategy employed once all other options have been exhausted,” said national defense minister Hennda Uilyest of the Grigovian Conservative Green Party. “Diplomacy, cooperation, and open markets alone can assure the future prosperity of all mankind.” Shortly after gaining its independence from the Soviet Union, in 1988, Grigovia dismantled all nuclear weapons the Russians had stored on its soil and promptly joined the International Campaign to Abolish Nuclear Weapons (ICANW).

“Tinpot tyrants, be they Korean or Ynki, do not have permission to engage in nuclear war,” said Buiryest Darghennd, a 14-year-old student from Pryaghdoyest. “My grandparents fought against the Nazis in the Second World War; their words are still fresh in my mind: ‘Show not mercy, nor give quarter, to those who threaten innocent people with death and destruction.’”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

border location confirmed

Even as it is tussling with Pakistan on its southeastern border, Afghanistan is celebrating its ongoing friendship with a small neighbor to the northwest, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia. “We recognize the continuing validity and current location of our border with Grigovia, and rejoice in the many years of peaceful prosperity we have shared together,” said Hamid Karzai, prime minster of Afghanistan, at an early-morning press conference in Herat. “Unlike the borders drawn by the cowardly British during the 19th Century, the delineating line that separates the Grigovian from the Afghani people runs exactly where we both agreed it should run during 1952's Regional Conference for Peaceful Prosperity – Central Asia.” After his speech, Karzai warmly greeted his counterpart from Grigovia, the newly-elected prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend.

“Thank you, brother Hamid,” said prime minster Velldoyend after waiting for a round of raucous applause to die down. “As one of the first female prime minsters in the history of Central Asia, I am overjoyed to be able to recommit to a future replete with peaceful cooperation and prosperous dealings between our two peoples. Together – that is, without any more undue and illegal meddling by foreign powers, especially the United States of America – we might yet after so many decades of hateful warmongering experience peace in these lands. Begone, Ynki invaders, and may you darken our common soils no longer.” To commemorate the occasion, the prime ministers signed a mutual trade and travel pact designed to increase and promote interaction between the Afghani and Grigovian peoples.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥