Parents!
Are your kids still sitting around in front of that other flat-screen
monitor watching poisonous and boring programming? Is their health in
decline, and do they show signs of extreme boredom? Are you looking
for a way to keep them tethered to their tiny, imported, colorful
plastic chairs, and glued to the Flickering Idiot Box of
Self-Enslavement? We at abcmouse.com know that America's parents are
looking for ways to further destroy their children's health and
latent creativity; we also know just how counter fucking productive
it is to encourage children to physically exit the home and to play
outside in rapist-infested, germ-laden, terror-inspiring community
parks.
To
make sure your kid falls behind in school, that she develops early-on
diseases such as diabetes, obesity, and social anxiety disorder, and
that she leads a generally depressing and unsatisfying life, we at
abcmouse.com have developed a suite of Internet-based games that will
guide your child's bursting mind back into the browbeaten channels of
rigid conformity so sought for by today's pre- and elementary school
recruiters. You will marvel at your son's stunted and incomplete
problem-solving skills, and his airy and dismissive manner will make
you smile! You will cry out with joy upon seeing your daughter charge
headlong into a storied career as the local checkout-girl (once, of
course, she obtains her GED following the birth of her fourth child
by three different men).
If
you are so incompetent as to switch to using our service, if you have
given up trying to teach things to your child or to mold her into a
virtuous and self-sufficient individual to the extent that you cannot
see through our crude lie, then you shall surely not understand that
switching from one screen to the next makes no difference at all, and
that diverting your kid's attention from the television to our
website is lost and wasted effort. So come on by, parents of America,
and rot your kids' brains at our site, not at the site of some
“different” company.
場黑麥
ioanni
elymucampus fecit
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