on my postal commie nightmare

I watch, each day, with loathing and great trepidation, as an agent of the socialist ideal drives up to a box at the end of my unpaved driveway into which he deposits slender pieces of folded and stamped paper, or, occasionally, a carefully-wrapped package. Then, his foul work done, he speeds off rapidly, as if part of an escape pattern calculated to send shivers down my spine. I have seen the agent close-up, and he wears the uniform of the United States Postal Service. Be warned, citizens of America: there are commies in our midst.

The U.S. Postal Service, or USPS, is a stubborn and tenacious holdout of the communistic infestation that has blighted this nation since before we had a presidency, a Congress, or a Supreme Court, and before the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence were written (let alone drafted). For nearly two and a half centuries, we have suffered from the benefits of this institution; for too long has it served all persons equally, and at low cost; for too long have we wallowed under this communistic oppression. The bastard Benjamin Franklin served as post-master to the state of Pennsylvania; he allowed this stubborn poison to infect his adopted colony; he even encouraged its spread to other colonies of the time. Such a man was Franklin, such a base and vile miscreant, such a foul agent of ever-creeping socialism, that in his supposedly enlightened time he was seduced and enslaved by forces acting in the interest of the general Welfare.

It is well that under the presidency of George Walker Bush the United States Postal Service was all but annihilated through clever and dastardly schemes (in part by being forced to accumulate within a short amount of time a full decade's worth of pension payments); if he had been but successful, we would still be singing his praises not only for engaging America in ground wars in two separate, sovereign nations, but also for wiping from the face of our shining land the final remnants of foul socialism. There is no option but the capitalistic option; there may be no services rendered but for those done by for-profit corporations; the dream of a state bent on improving the general Welfare and seeing to the domestic Tranquility was just that – a hollow, worthless dream conjured up by such scum as foul olde Franklin. Let no further socialists darken the threshold of my home – not to bring me my new shoes, nor to bring me the bill for my new shoes, not even to drop off a Festivus card – for I refuse to interact with commies, no matter how sunny their demeanor, how pleasantly they might smile, or with what sort of conviction they perform their duties in rain, sleet, and hail. A pox upon all commies, I say.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

commie don't float

  Lock your windows, and close your doors – there are commies about!
  Communists (commies), those self-same socialist scumbags that have infiltrated American society to its very core, are inherently evil, and ought to be killed on sight.
  You will find commie using such fiscally burdensome and morally decrepit things as public roads, bridges, communal parks, street-cars, and sidewalks. The interstate and intrastate highway systems are built and maintained using communal funds provided by the taxpayer, and, as socialist services that are dangerous to the American way, they must be avoided until they can be destroyed. (Switch to privately-funded road systems and for-profit bridges whenever possible, so as to avoid proximity to commie.) Avoid public libraries, public transportation, and public universities – these are all socialist holdouts (funded by taxpayer dollars) that provide services to all Americans equally. As institutions crucial to the socialist ideal, they must be avoided.
  Commies have been known to participate in local elections, where they support unnecessary and downright wasteful services such as police, firefighters, and sewage and water treatment services. Furthermore, the commie will, on the local as well as on the national level, support programs that provide assistance to the poor, the disabled, the elderly, and anyone equally as lazy, as incompetent, and as stupid to forestall buying into the glorious, inherent inequality of our beloved (free) market capitalism. Anyone who has voted for programs such as these, is a commie. Anyone who thinks that the wealth generated in America every year could feed, clothe, and house each and every citizen (if that wealth were not funneled into the pockets of the entrenched plutocracy), is a commie. Anyone who is stunned upon hearing that millions of America's children go to bed hungry each night, is a commie. Do not trust these loathsome miscreants.
  Wily and suspicious by foul, hellish nature, commie can be lured only into cunningly camouflaged traps, although it will come running readily if you hoist a red flag, or if your daughter is in heat. Commie will thrash about wildly once captured, so have your killing implement (bludgeon, cudgel, or similar) near to hand. The best bait for your commie-trap is any of the superb national brands of mechanically-separated meat product (preferably with a high sodium content) mixed with stale gingersnaps.
  As the headline suggests, a dead commie thrown into a river will not float – his body is made of a fibrous material similar to asbestos (but far more lethal when it comes into contact with the skin). Once it is killed, you should remove the dead commie from the water as soon as possible – its body will rot abnormally quickly, transforming almost overnight into an as-of-yet poorly understood substance that has the tendency to disperse before hardening, thus posing a hazard to shipping lanes and the elderly alike. As of press time, we have not been able to catch a commie to dissect its body in its living state: we knew enough not to let it live; we kill commie before commie can kill us.
  Remove the head of the dead commie as soon as you can – it might be faking death in hopes of spreading democracy and equality amongst the peoples of the world, when you are not looking. There is nothing worse than a wounded, near-dead commie spreading chaos and egalitarianism amidst your defensive lines. Wounding the commie will only enrage it, so take it down good and hard, as it will still be combat effective even after losing several limbs. Shooting off commie's leg will only slow it down, not stop it, so AIM FOR ITS MISSHAPEN HEAD!!! Setting the vile scum on fire (as with an improvised incendiary device) will only enrage it – it will charge your position and do everything in its power to burn it down before consumed by the flames. Stay alert – stay vigilant. Think of your loved ones. Think of the children. Do not hesitate.
  Every step toward communism is a step away from the American Way of Life. We must band together to stamp out the aforementioned socialist institutions. We must padlock our public schools, tear up our roads, disband our emergency services, raze our parks, smash our bridges, stop up the sewers, and burn our libraries to the ground. Only then will America be free of communism and its bastard cousin, socialism; only then might this shining land flourish once again.
  Know commie. It may seem peaceful, erudite, and well educated, but it is certainly an atheist, and a believer in small personal sacrifice for the greater common good. Mistrust commie – your stock options may depend on it. Fear commie – your life may depend on it. And remember, aim for its misshapen head, and put the bastard down for good.
  Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

in defense of socialism in America

A war of words rages in the national press. Ill-defined and ill-used, the terms of this war are more often ill-understood. The two most lofty ideas thrust down the throats of those among us who gain their news solely from television, are communism and capitalism.
With fear in their voices and portending overtones, the talking heads hold aloft the specter of communism as the great reborn evil of our time, wholly ignorant of the actual aim of the socialist drive. They equate communism with some dim childhood memory of backwoods Soviet failure, conjuring images of dusty children in rags playing in muddy streets in the shadows of endless concrete housing blocks, a breadline forming on the corner in the wan morning sun.
Media pundits and politically conservative affluent white males (i.e. Tea-Baggers) fear communism through no real fault of their own; they are only reacting to what they saw and heard during the Cold War, to the dire pictures painted by propaganda-mongers and censors.

Communism, just like capitalism, or democracy, is an Utopian fantasy envisioned to improve intra-human relations and to bring peace and prosperity to one and all. But, as fantasies go, they are all flawed, in that in their attempted execution they all fail to account for the worst of humanity's traits: greed. All attempts at communism in the last century failed to a large extent due to the greed of certain individuals high up within the system who exploited the toiling masses to gain power, wealth, or prestige. Capitalism, and its bastard underling, the corporation, is failing for the exact same reason: Those individuals with the proper drive and access to power amass vast fortunes (in the U.S., less than two percent of the population owns over half of all wealth) while millions of American children live in poverty and suffering. Our quasi-democratic system is failing to a large extent due to the greed-fueled efforts of lobbyists, who siphon government capacity away from efforts aimed at promoting the general Welfare, diverting them instead into schemes and systems designed solely to feed the money-hunger of the richest corporations.

We as a nation have devised and implemented socialist endeavors in the past, endeavors that have vastly improved the nation as a whole. Our highway system (an idea pioneered by the National Socialists in Germany in the 1930s) brings us together while tearing us apart. Our public libraries enrich the minds of young and old alike, giving us access to an unimaginable volume of data. Our public lands, located on mountain, hill,  or plain, provide relief from our busy lives and allow us to retire to natural settings without paying exorbitant fees.
None of these three features of modern life would exist without the far-reaching gaze of the socialist. Under a purely capitalist regime, freeways would be tollways, libraries would be pay-by-the-page, and pristine mountain ranges would fall before the miner's pick.

In the Constitution of the United States and the Declaration of Independence alike, references are made to the people as We, to the defense as common, and to the Welfare as general, not specifically this person or that, one ethnic group or another, but to the citizenry as a whole. On the back of every dollar bill stands a bald eagle, his talons gripping the symbols of war and peace, his beak holding a banner that claims, E PLURIBUS UNUM. Translated, this Latin phrase means, Out of many, one.
Out of many people, one nation. Out of many dreams, one shining goal. (I would at this point like to depart on a tangent about the lack of freedom the American citizen has to do to himself as he sees best fit without harming others in the privacy of his own home, but that must wait for another time.)
If there has ever been a better slogan for a nation seeking the most noble aspirations of the fantasy of communism, I would like to hear it.

The Communist Manifesto, written by Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels a hundred and sixty odd years ago, is a simple document and a short read. In paperback form, the document runs to no longer than 25 pages. The objectives of socialism are very neatly and succinctly enumerated; they are explained in reasonable and understandable form. This is what makes them deadly, for it makes them accessible to the middling classes, to those with little education, to those toiling away their whole lives in honest labor only to see their ability to retire evaporate when the stock market wobbles.
We need socialism in America; it is our common destiny. The systems of commerce and government, as they have developed over the past century, have failed to provide the utmost for the common defense and to the fullest extent promote the general Welfare. Capitalism is not geared towards the betterment of the many, but toward the elevation of a few over all others. A more perfect Union will not be formed on television and cheap food, i.e. the new bread and circuses, alone.

We must reconsider the focus of our political leadership, and judge as a nation whether our government has become destructive of our Rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. Considering the monumental improvements to our collective wellbeing achieved by those brave leaders forging a socialist path in the peaceful period between the Great Wars, what unthinkable things could we accomplish together, as citizens united, a single nation of many millions of parts?

Remember - the socialist Utopia envisioned by Marx and Engels only arises from the ashes of full-blown capitalism. Perhaps we don't have to wait much longer.

If you are not convinced, at least debate. If you are still in the dark, read the Manifesto.

Ultima Ratio Regum.
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poem - ranting and praying

HARSH voices arise, with terrible cries,
Of wasteful and communist leanings.
Loud do they shout, of reasons devout,
To mandate their Christ-i-an teachings.
They rant and they pray, to keep far at bay,
The chaos of true Libertie;
We Rationals hope, they'll renounce the Pope,
And abandon insanity.

Ultima Ratio Regum.

X

hope floats - commies don't

LOCK your windows, and close your doors - there are commies about!
Commies, short for the communist or socialist scum who are infiltrating American society, are evil and should be killed on sight.

As the headline suggests, a dead commie thrown into a river will not float - his body is made of a fibrous material similar to asbestos. Remove the dead commie from the water as soon as possible. His body will quickly rot and pose a hazard to shipping lanes.
As of press time we have not been able to catch a live commie to dissect his body in its living state.
We know enough not to let him live.
We kill the commie before the commie can kill us.

Wily and suspicious by nature, the commie can be lured into a trap only if it is properly camouflaged. He will trash wildly once captured, so have your killing implement at the ready. Preferred bait is mechanically-separated meat product with a high sodium content mixed with stale gingersnaps.
Remove the head of the dead commie as soon as you can. He might be faking death, and there is nothing worse than a wounded, half-dead commie spreading chaos behind your defensive lines.
Wounding the commie will only enrage him - he will still be largely combat effective.
AIM FOR THE HEAD.
Shooting off a leg will only slow the commie; it will not stop him.
Immolating the vile scum will only enrage him. He will charge your position and do everything in his power to burn it down.
Think of your loved ones.
Think of the children.
Do not hesitate.

Avoid public libraries, public transportation, and public universities - these are all socialist institutions funded by taxpayer dollars that provide services to all Americans equally. They are crucial to the socialist ideal, and must be avoided.
Commies have been known to participate in local elections, where they support valuable services such as police and firefighters. Furthermore, the commie will, on the local or national level, support programs that provide assistance to the poor, the disabled, and the elderly.
Anyone who votes for such programs is a commie.
Do not trust.

The Commie uses public roads. Interstate and intrastate highway systems would not exist without taxpayer support. They are socialist services that are dangerous to the American way. Switch to privately funded road systems whenever possible.

Every step toward communism is a step away from the American Way of Life. We must band together to stamp out the aforementioned socialist institutions. We must close our schools, tear up our roads, disband our emergency services, and burn down our libraries.
Only then will we be free of communism and its bastard cousin, socialism.
Only then can America flourish.

Know your commie. He may seem peaceful and well educated, but he is likely an atheist and a believer in sacrifice for the common good.
Fear the commie - you life may depend on it.

Ultima Ratio Regum

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