Iktomi touches all

Spread Iktomi wide and well from windy peak to sodden dell that web you weave to bind together atom-groups with spindly tethers keeping all in concert woven in a way that time’s still proving. Chaos theory shows it’s true the influence of what you do with tiny strands spread near and far connecting each and every star. Bless his presence praise be told of his great gifts both new and old much thanks to Iktomi let’s speak - for ‘van der Waals’ and the force ‘weak.’

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

⌶+￬.=ī¡⥞¤⥟¡ī=.￬+⌶

there’s not much a fellow might strive for in life than knowing his artwork and love will survive

an intolerant quirk

Americans of Bigoted and Racist Inclination (ABiRacIn, pronounced ‘aberration’), a confederation of white-supremacist with thousands of splinter-cells nationwide, held its final cyber-meeting of 2016. Organized by subgroup leaders in primarily rural areas of the American South and Midwest (with new cells opening throughout the Mid-Atlantic), ABiRacIn aims to intensify and perpetuate tendencies present in the Americas since Christopher Columbus set foot on Hispaniola in 1492 - hatred, greed, and a thirst for human blood. “We Americans of European Descent, we white people, are the only ones who deserve to receive the bounty of this great land,” said Harold Theodor Thomas Hammrsmeed, the group’s co-founder, at a press conference held afore the columned portico of his decrepit estate in southern Georgia. “We built this great land, we farm this great land, our forefathers fought and died for this great land, which means we and we alone ought bask in the fruits of America’s blessings. It doesn’t matter that coloreds whose skin-tones are slightly darker or more tan than ours worked as hard or harder to make this country rich and powerful; it doesn’t matter that the good soils we plant with grain to keep beef cheap, the tall mountains we tear apart in search of our beloved coal, were for millennia watched over and protected by red savages; the white man was, is, and forever shall be the only man who matters.” Emboldened by the election of Ronald Stump, who clawed his way to the presidency on a splintery plank of anti-immigrant and Islamophobic rhetoric, ABiRacIn has recently emerged from the shadows of the dark web, holding press conferences and staging rallies in small towns across the Ynki heartland. Labeled a hate group in 2003 by the Southern Poverty Law Center, ABiRacIn has voiced loud support for a right-wing activist recently selected to be incoming president Stump’s senior policy advisor.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

Grigovia offers asylum

The Grigovian Office of External Affairs this morning announced an expansion of its immigration efforts geared toward Americans who are now (or will soon be) seeking political asylum from the upcoming reign of president-elect Ronald Stump. A candidate long on promises but short on policy, Stump - who rose to power on a gravy-train of petty but virulent white supremacy - appears to pose a threat to independent freethinkers such as journalists and artists as well as to women seeking the right to make decisions about their own bodily health. “Grigovia welcomes Ynki who desire to live in peaceful freedom and cooperative prosperity in a country that values and safeguards their liberty,” said Dr. Uoudya E. Eiyouust, head of the Parliamentary External Affairs Committee and architect of the expanded efforts. “In our Glorious Republic is room for individuals seeking to think as they see fit, who desire to write what they decide is best to write, who wish to be respected regardless of their gender or sexuality. Our integration and employment infrastructure provides immigrants with language classes, transitional housing, job placement assistance, and much more so that new arrivals can start enriching and enlivening our economy and culture instead of languishing in the shadows of pariahdom. If a Stump presidency scares you, friend Ynki, please consider Grigovia when making emigration plans. Our doors stand open.” For more information visit your nearest Grigovian embassy.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

whites only oenotheque

Tired of dark-hued, reddish wines? Looking for a place where only whites are served - the finest, most pure whites around? If so, come on down to Whites Only Oenotheque on Jackson Avenue and Union Street for a fine selection of Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Riesling, and Sauvignon Blanc wines. Rest assured - no coloreds dare darken our reclaimed barn-wood countertop, threatening to besmudge the white leather seats of our hand-made, wrought-iron barstools. It’s whites only all day from the first drop poured to the last sip taken. Most of our wines are grown, fermented, and bottled right here in the United States of America. Each of our wonderful domestic whites comes with a certified paper of origin, and all imported whites undergo thorough vetting and approval procedures at the hands of trained technicians before departure and upon arrival. Don’t bring anything into your home even a shade darker than the best, finest, provenly superior white! Travel-proof and inconspicuous ‘Bagged & Boxed’ white wines now available for discerning but economically disadvantaged customers who insist upon quality whites at a fair price. There’s something for every checkbook at Whites Only Oenotheque in downtown Durham, North Carolina - stop in today!

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

Gran clicks link

After hours of careful deliberation, Des Moines, Iowa resident and septuagenarian Alice Hasenloch moved the cursor of her mouse over a bank of advertisements flashing brightly on the trailing edge of her cathode-ray-tube computer monitor. Whipping the mouse up and down so as to straighten out its cord, Alice took a deep breath, peered at the target advert one more time, took a moment to ponder whether or not she really wanted to receive a pamphlet containing information about the platforms and policies of one Bernard Sanders, depressed the left button on the mouse using her right index finger, and sat back to wait. As the election had already passed, however, and a fear-mongering nincompoop had been elected to the presidency, the link took her to a page that looked like but wasn’t the page she was trying to reach. Deeper and deeper she went into the dark core of the Internet until she started seeing pictures of people who weren’t wearing clothes, whereupon she pressed CTRL+F4 enough times to cause her left hand to cramp up. Once her computer displayed nothing but the desktop screen (a picture of her neighbor’s grandchildren), she initiated its shutdown procedures, got up, stretched, said, “Ah well, fuck it,” and took a walk that happened to take her past the corner package store.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

president recognizes Palestine

In a long-hoped-for gesture of respect for the existence of more than four million people, Mr. Barack Obama today officially recognized the State of Palestine. “For an ancient and proud people such as the Palestinian people to be forced into massive open-air prison camps and kept there without access to the infrastructures we’ve come to recognize as those necessary to live a fulfilling human life, that is a tragedy that defies the kind of basic decency we look for in one another,” the president said from amidst rows of frost-tipped roses planted near his residence. Speaking just after the crack of dawn on 8 November 2016 - election day, in America - Mr. Obama went on, saying. “I mean, people in positions of power here in the U.S.A. started calling the terrorist organization known as Daesh ‘Islamic State’ after those murderous thugs had been around for only a couple years and captured themselves a city or two.” At this point, the president chuckled, shaking his head and looking down. “And here we have the Palestinians, who’ve been living in the Middle East since biblical times, and for seven decades I and the presidents who came before me have not once recognized the right of Palestine to exist - nay, the right for it to be recognized as a state? And for what? So that religious zealots of a different stripe can occupy land and build settlements on that land with impunity and in stark violation of international law? If we can bring ourselves to call Daesh 'Islamic State’, then we can bring ourselves to refer to the self-organized people living in Israel’s concentration camps by-the-sea as the State of Palestine. It’s that simple.”

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑

ī⏛⍥⌒Ұ⚲Ұ⌒⍥⏛ī

a young one is screaming in the deep inside there next to the hovel of heartbreak and pride

woman shoots cop

Fayetteville, KY. Earlier this morning, from on the steps of the county courthouse, the jury in the Groeneveld v. Brownfield County case announced a verdict. After just two days of deliberation, it found Ms. Heraldine K. Groeneveld, the accused, innocent of wrongdoing in the shooting death of Sergeant Dwight G. T. Blaiseworth of the Chaumsville police department. Ms. Groeneveld, an American Person of Recent African Descent, had admitted to firing on Sergeant Blaiseworth, who was working an undercover assignment at the time, when he had approached her with his firearm drawn, at night, without identifying himself as a police officer. The following is an excerpt from her sworn deposition: “I was trying to find a set of keys I had dropped when I saw a man get out of his car, pull out a pistol, and start running toward me. He was screaming at me to ‘Get the f**k away from the car,’ but never once did he say he was a cop. I’ve been carjacked before, so when I saw his weapon, I feared for my life. I then pulled out my own weapon and shot him before he could shoot me.” Numerous police shootings across the U.S. have led to the deaths of scores of unarmed men, women, and children; Ms. Groeneveld was vindicated in her assumption that all citizens - not just citizens working as police officers - are allowed to fire upon an assailant should they feel their lives are in danger. Speaking for the jury, Allysson Y. Humnerloess said, “We hope our verdict will serve as a reminder to all American citizens - police officers especially - that pulling a weapon is a threatening act, to which violence is an appropriate response.” Police unions across the nation have issued formal complaints, citing their supposed right to kill unarmed civilians should those citizens even look at an officer in any way that could possibly be viewed as threatening. Unlike officers involved in shootings, Ms. Groeneveld will not get a paid two-week vacation or psychological counselling; she is no longer in jail, however, and will be able to return to her family, and job.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥