economics encourage emigration

Following nearly a decade of un- and underemployment, more people are now leaving than are entering the United States. “I had a decent job and a seemingly secure future before the Great Recession hit in oh eight,” said Randal E. Cummings, a machinist from the South. “Then the Fed just up and gave - no-strings-attached - two or three trillion dollars to the banks failing due to greedy and shortsighted practices, however. By doing so, the Fed stole wealth from the masses and gave it to already rich bank executives, who in turn gave themselves raises and million dollar golden parachutes. That just broke the American spirit; this place hasn’t been the same since.” Most of the nations to which the Ynki are relocating sit in Europe and Asia, where strong societal and political controls discourage the election of autocratic blowhards, and where citizens are engaged and informed enough to fight back against government corruption.

Researchers indicate that more people are emigrating from the U.S. than in any year since the start of the Great Depression, another time when banks stole billions from average Americans. “What with all our wealth siphoned off and an orange asshole in the oval office, it’s time to seek greener pastures,” said Yolanda M. Smithey, mother of three. “Land of the free, home of the brave? More like: Get on your knees, you foolish slaves.”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Grigovia offers asylum

The Grigovian Office of External Affairs this morning announced an expansion of its immigration efforts geared toward Americans who are now (or will soon be) seeking political asylum from the upcoming reign of president-elect Ronald Stump. A candidate long on promises but short on policy, Stump - who rose to power on a gravy-train of petty but virulent white supremacy - appears to pose a threat to independent freethinkers such as journalists and artists as well as to women seeking the right to make decisions about their own bodily health. “Grigovia welcomes Ynki who desire to live in peaceful freedom and cooperative prosperity in a country that values and safeguards their liberty,” said Dr. Uoudya E. Eiyouust, head of the Parliamentary External Affairs Committee and architect of the expanded efforts. “In our Glorious Republic is room for individuals seeking to think as they see fit, who desire to write what they decide is best to write, who wish to be respected regardless of their gender or sexuality. Our integration and employment infrastructure provides immigrants with language classes, transitional housing, job placement assistance, and much more so that new arrivals can start enriching and enlivening our economy and culture instead of languishing in the shadows of pariahdom. If a Stump presidency scares you, friend Ynki, please consider Grigovia when making emigration plans. Our doors stand open.” For more information visit your nearest Grigovian embassy.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥