backpack sales soar

Following the arrest of failed European-American (i.e. ‘white’) terrorist Michael Christopher Estes, who allegedly planted a homemade bomb at the Asheville Regional Airport in North Carolina on 6 October 2017, outdoor goods manufacturers are reporting that backpacks are flying off the shelves. “We are overjoyed that the bomb was removed before it harmed anybody,” said a spokesperson for REI, whose equipment was used by the alleged domestic terrorist. “Furthermore, we’re moving Traverse 70 packs like hot-cakes.”

Numbers are also up for the sellers of glass jars, fuel oil, nails, duct tape, and polymer spoons. Although it is often quick to condemn acts by brown-skinned individuals, the regime of fake president D.J. Trump has not issued a single comment or tweet regarding the allegedly terroristic acts and intentions of Michael Christopher Estes, whose skin is the color of an unripe peach.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

haiku 29 August 2017

ISIS terrorists
Are as dangerous as white,
Christian terrorists

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

swift merciless clean

We received an invite a solemn request to come join the forces now fighting Daesh. The head of all Syria, Assad, his name, did ask that we help him to remove the stain that spread from the ruins of Saddam's Iraq that threatens us heathens with steady attack. Not far from our borders these terrorists kill and suckle at hatred's most foul-smelling swill and seek to reduce all that's been free of late under an immoral and strict caliphate. They are not real Muslims defend not their home but rather desire to reduce to bone and rubble and dust all they can't comprehend all that their weak egos does seem to offend. We've learned from the Kurds just what frightens them most and that is a well-armed and feminine host who we've now assembled from our defense forces who will head to battle on foot or on horses. They'll march into battle united as one a thousand proud daughters not one single son they'll bring to the front every ounce of their power and hound and abuse Daesh hour by hour. They'll dig attack-tunnels and show Daesh scum the strength of the wily Grigovian woman and tear out his eyeballs and stab out his liver and be hard death-merchants not tender life-givers. Once they are successful we'll send many more to pound at the caliphate's wall fence and door and mock him by singing bright songs from their youth and teaching him Islam's most enduring truth: that to kill an innocent soul body face is to kill every member of the human race that such evil actions do not go unseen but are met with justice swift merciless clean.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

type of terror

With heartbreak and torment they wanted to do the trite type of terror that only they knew. With bomb-vest and rifle with knife caltrop tweet and seeking to rip up society's sheet they woke up that morning and spoke the due rites to all that is Evil both daytimes and nights. With sadness before them and cruelness behind they sat there then brooding all trapped in the mind aloof to the madness that would be their act their thoughts turned to all of the corpses they'd stack. Then off for the market or off for the game they went seeking Islam to slander and shame to murder their victims whose only real crime was being alive at wrong place and wrong time. To counter these madmen with bomb missile round is a policy far from both solid and sound for they can then paint us as murderous apes who blow up things then go back home to eat crepes. A simple solution is to first show love to second stop praying to forces above to third starve their bellies and stop buying oil then fourth maybe put these fools under the soil. With all of the money we've spent making war to now find ourselves with such cunts at our door just shows that our efforts to date weren't true wherefore we'd be wise to go try something new. By opening doors to each poor refugee who flees Daesh violence by land or by sea is to prove to ourselves that we are still kind that we can leave all of our anger behind and then stand together united as one until war and sadness have finally gone.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

ask Algeria first

Faced with a hostage crisis involving dozens of persons kidnapped by armed assailants, a joint task force of federal agents and New York City police officers decided to first seek the advice of the Algerian government before mounting a raid to free the hostages. “We want to lead by example,” said chief federal negotiator Yusuff al-Baghrabi while peering over a concrete barrier at the building where the perpetrators had holed up. “Algeria refused Western assistance in the planning and execution of its action to free the hostages taken a couple of weeks ago at that gas plant in the Sahara desert. If we ask for their help in planning and executing our own action here in the eastern part of Queens, New York, maybe next time they will accept our offers, and listen to our advice.”

Friends and family of person taken prisoner agreed to speak with us. “I am all for the cops asking Algeria for advice and waiting until that nation can arrange to have skilled operators flown in to help and to guide the actions of our law enforcement agents,” said Piedgast Charnungacharnoul, 72, grandmother of one of the hostages. According to police reports, the hostage-takers operate under the banner of the Weeping Crown of Righteousness, a militant Christian group blamed for a number of similar attacks on the Eastern Seaboard. “I think it's OK for us to delay until experts in hostage negotiation arrive from – where was it – Skikda?” said New ​Jersey resident Randel Raiyan Quincie, 25, who thinks his older brother might be among the kidnapped. “In a lot of Hollywood movies, dealing with terrorists who stoop to using human shields always requires a delicate touch, sneakiness rather than brute force. I just hope we can free the captives before those religious extremists kill them all.”

“We Americans must concern ourselves with what happens here in America, and let the Algerians worry about what happens in Algeria,” said aloof bystander Corey Slantbeam, 48, of the Bronx. “If companies want to do business in foreign lands at locations difficult or nearly impossible to defend, they must accept the consequences of their actions. Fences can be tunneled under, telephone lines can be cut, and dirt-poor guardsmen can be bribed to open even the thickest of gates. At some point, we must all ask ourselves whether the risks of fossil fuel outweigh the benefits.” Intent on proving to the world it wasn't totally full of shit, the Obama administration ordered native financial regulators to turn for advice to the government of Greece and issued executive orders that force American circuit judges to consult with Russian authorities on matters of free speech and freedom of the press.

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥

practicing for peace

Unlike the majority of his schoolmates and friends who received video games such as Modern Warfare or Call Of Duty for their b-days or x-mas this year, 9 year-old prissy pants Samwell Youlissees Chorrand, of Oxnard, California was elated to get as a present a copy of the first edition of Mashing Buttons 4 Peace, or MB4P. Available only in select areas and sold only to little fucking weaklings and their fucking weakling moms, MB4P is slated to underwhelm all expectations, and to sell poorly. Said a source at Electronic Arts (EA), the company that created the game, who demanded he remain anonymous so as to spare himself and his family a lifetime of public mockery, “We made MB4P because a group of parents – OK, moms – kept emailing us about the violent nature of most of our teen-oriented games, claiming they would sue if we didn't come up with something for the pre-teen and teen markets not focused on war-making, death, murder, terrorism, or the wiping out of turban-wearing baddies. MB4P is, well, it's something, but, well… fuck, man, you did promise not to print my name in this article, right?”

In Mashing Buttons 4 Peace, the player depresses various keys on a wireless controller in time to music or in synchrony with images displayed on the screen, which causes an elaborately-crafted avatar to twirl about and leap for joy in one of only a handful of locations, either in a field of golden swaying wheat, in the Great Chamber at the United Nations building in New York City, or in a sky-scape made up entirely of rainbows. (After forcing ourselves to play MB4P for long enough to reach the first save-point, it appears to us that the optimization of one's avatar for cooperative wheat-field-spinning is the game's primary purpose.) According to young Master Chorrand, the game is, “Awesome. So cool. Just look at the little guy who kinda looks like me dancing at the U.N. with all types of other avatars who have different skin-tones and different costumes. What a treat.” While looking on lovingly and filling out the insurance forms necessary to cover her son when he is beaten down and physically abused at school for being a little fucking pussy-ass bitch, Mrs. Tarranz Jaimms Chorrand, aged 42, proclaimed: “I am so very happy that EA bowed to our wishes and finally came up with a game that promotes Global Peace and that fosters peaceful coexistence between all humans, regardless of dress, religion, or choice of head-covering. The sole remaining task for us Mothers Against War-Making In Video Games, or MAWMIVG, is to convince the rest of America's parents to stop buying games that train young children in the art of making war or that convince kids it is OK to firebomb a shack filled with people, to shoot airplanes piloted by humans from the sky, or to daisy-chain claymores so as to create the most effective killing-zones. Land-sakes – we're so close, I can feel it.”

Electronic Arts initially fought demands to release a game for teens focused on practicing peace, claiming that it already produces a range of products aimed at children under the age of eight years whose tender brains and stunted views of the realities of life under American world-imperialism make them prone to cry and to wet their pants upon seeing violent images of war. Said the unnamed source at EA after he had returned from the greasy-spoon's bathroom to discover a hundred dollar bill sitting under his half-eaten plate of cheap diner food. “With none of the major television channels or news networks showing pictures of our ongoing wars of aggression or our continuing attempts to subjugate the peoples of the world to the demands of our homegrown corporate profit-mongers, it is our duty to harden the minds of our future soldiers and to get them ready for lives as hired guns in the all-volunteer Armed Forces of the United States of America.”

場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit

infitfada street

terrorism? not in America

  Over the past decade, the military forces of the United States of America have persecuted a series of wars started by President George Bush and Dick Cheney. These politicians and their ilk sold the wars in Iraq and in Afghanistan to the people of America on the notion that this country would be attacked by waves of by crazed, turban-wearing foreigners with bombs strapped to their chests who had infiltrated American society so fully as to be able to strike any target anywhere, anytime. Convinced of the risk and cowed into submission by a fear-mongering and alarmist news media, the citizenry stood idly by as its president entered the Stronghold of Liberty into a two front war.

  (As the orphaned son of an officer of the United States Navy, and as one who has had the honor of being befriended by United States Marines, I respect unequivocally any person who has served in America's armed forces, or in the armed forces of any other nation founded upon principles similar to our own.)

  So much war and so much blood spilled, good thick blood oozing from Columbia's valiant sons and daughters, precious fluid escaping the bodies of good honest people from Indiana or California or New York who fly to foreign lands and give their lives in answer to their president's call. And as our troopers fight with honor in the air and on the land and upon/below the seas, has our nation faced this dreaded wave of suicidal attacks? It has not. Has our civilian infrastructure been compromised extensively, and have (innocent) bystanders been slaughtered by the thousands in lightning daytime raids against our airport or ground-vehicle terminals? They have not. And since they have not, we ask ourselves if it is time for the federal government to stop expend the lives and the resources of the American people on killing foreign religious terrorists, and that it should instead form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity.

  場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

  p.s. devices for societal control such as the Controlled Substances Act, as well as SOPA and PIPA, destroy the Blessings of Liberty – they have no place in America's enlightened and modern society; they are formidable to tyrants only