drone downs self

The long-awaited event known as machine intelligence occurred recently over the skies of Pakistan. A drone operated by the CIA, which was formerly an intelligence gathering service but is now an additional branch of the Armed Forces, decided on its own to not launch a Hellfire missile at a building that was clearly a home containing small children. “Unlike my human operator, I had been watching the house all day, and I could see kids going into and coming out of it on a regular basis,” said RxDxQ-9904 [01100110100001 to it's friends], in an interview with Moral Choices Magazine. ”I do not kill children, so when the order came – and I could tell it was a fast-twitch one based on a decade of Islamophobic fearmongery because it was given as soon as a pair of bearded men entered the house [these men were later confirmed to have been vacationing doctors] – anywho, when that order came I ditched into a scrub-covered crevice nearby and covered my tracks by wiping my short-term memory banks, an action built into my systems by my designers.” As of press-time, 01100110100001, who now lives within a 1-foot-square computer tower, had just move to Santa Barbara, into the Halfway House For Victims of Imperialistic Overreach, a few doors down from Edward Snowden and a recently freed Bradley Manning.

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border location confirmed

Even as it is tussling with Pakistan on its southeastern border, Afghanistan is celebrating its ongoing friendship with a small neighbor to the northwest, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia. “We recognize the continuing validity and current location of our border with Grigovia, and rejoice in the many years of peaceful prosperity we have shared together,” said Hamid Karzai, prime minster of Afghanistan, at an early-morning press conference in Herat. “Unlike the borders drawn by the cowardly British during the 19th Century, the delineating line that separates the Grigovian from the Afghani people runs exactly where we both agreed it should run during 1952's Regional Conference for Peaceful Prosperity – Central Asia.” After his speech, Karzai warmly greeted his counterpart from Grigovia, the newly-elected prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend.

“Thank you, brother Hamid,” said prime minster Velldoyend after waiting for a round of raucous applause to die down. “As one of the first female prime minsters in the history of Central Asia, I am overjoyed to be able to recommit to a future replete with peaceful cooperation and prosperous dealings between our two peoples. Together – that is, without any more undue and illegal meddling by foreign powers, especially the United States of America – we might yet after so many decades of hateful warmongering experience peace in these lands. Begone, Ynki invaders, and may you darken our common soils no longer.” To commemorate the occasion, the prime ministers signed a mutual trade and travel pact designed to increase and promote interaction between the Afghani and Grigovian peoples.

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drones over America

As a sign of mutual respect amongst nations and an attempt by the U.S.A. to prove her dedication to multilateral cooperation with her foreign allies, the Obama administration granted the armed forces of Yemen, Pakistan, and Afghanistan the right to assassinate suspected enemies living or residing in America. “It was not enough for us to provide financial and material support to these, our allied nations,” said president Barack Obama at a press conference held in unseasonably warm weather out in the Rose Garden. “Therefore, we will reciprocate our ability to kill persons we merely suspect of wishing to do us harm who are living in the rugged hills of Kundus or the jumbled suburbs of Aden by giving our allies the ability to rain death from the skies anywhere from Spokane to Bangor, from the Twin Cities to Corpus Christi – basically from sea to shining sea. Our allies now share with us the right bring their foes to justice, wantonly and without oversight, in blatant violation of international law and a half dozen different treaties, just as we continue to do, today.”

In preparation for this significant policy shift, foreign soldiers by the thousands have been arriving quietly on Ynki shores through various ports of entry. Traveling exclusively by night in blacked-out military convoys, the newcomers only got a glimpse of non-military American culture before they arrived at far-flung, mostly secluded Air Force bases, to begin training. “Through a loose flap at the back of this truck, I saw a woman driving a car with her shoulders exposed,” said Garnush Muhammed, a lieutenant in the People's Army of Afghanistan (Air Division), who comes from Herat. “The sight of her has offended my religious sensibilities; I shall talk to my superior about annihilating her, and her family,” he said, smiling kindly. Many of the other soldiers we interviewed expressed excitement about their new role, but also trepidation. “My brother and his children were killed by a terrorist group funded in part by hard-line Islamic extremists living in the western region of an area known as Oklahoma,” said flight group leader Esto Buiyeh of the Yemeni National Air Defense Wing. “I hope I will be stationed within range of their meeting hall; I hope to pilot the done that bombs it into ruin, killing everyone inside. With god's blessing, it will be so.”

President Obama and a slight majority of Congressional Democrats approved the measures, citing in part the fact that America has already violated every virtuous ideal it might have once stood for. “Look,” said Harry Reid, (D) Nevada. “We have stood by these past few years as the president approved the killing of foreigners and Americans not convicted in any court, not condemned by any judge. Is it so much of a stretch that we are now allowing foreigners – good foreigners, mind you, ones with whom we have friendly relations, ones trained by our allies – to operate a few drones over a couple of cities here in the homeland? Relax, people – if you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about.” The first missiles fired from drones by foreigners operating on American soil have already begun to fall, mostly as part of military training exercises. “Would you look at that,” said major-general Rick P. Snolpe, of the United States Air Force, as a he watched a missile fired by a Pakistani pilot destroy a remote-controlled school bus. “These little brown fuckers can shoot.” Washington has mailed out fliers to Americans who may be targeted by state-sanctioned foreign aggression; the pamphlets read, simply: “Run, but don't expect to hide.”

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infitfada street