experienced actors wanted

A major American news outlet is seeking actors to film scripted segments for its coverage of the Syrian conflict. Prior military training preferred, but no special language skills required; the opposition currently fighting the rule of Bashar al-Assad is nearly entirely foreign-born. Depending on the timetable for illegal U.S. involvement in the struggle taking place in Syria, a sovereign foreign nation, actors may be expected to sign contracts lasting more than 1 year. Non-disclosure is mandatory for participation. After Damascus has been bombed to rubble, employment opportunities may become available with al-Qaida, a paramilitary terrorist organization rumored to be run by the federal government of the United States of America. Persons wishing to participate in misleading and lying to the trustworthy people of the world should run a Google-searh on “potluck trampoline breakwater” (without the quotation marks), wait 8 minutes, then make the mark of the beast on their front doors. Armed federal agents will arrive within the hour, black-bag and hogtie the applicant, and transport him forthwith to mock-ups of the Syrian countryside being constructed deep in the deserts of California.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

on VT day

War-weary peoples of the world, rejoice, for today we celebrate Victory over Terror. The federal government of the United States of America continues to wage war on terror, which at best is nothing more than a state of mind; we their erstwhile accomplices in this war of choice, however, have had enough. “No more,” we say, and, “This aggression will stand no longer.“ America's role is not to play world policeman but to protect the territory it currently holds and bring about the Safety and Happiness of the people living within its borders.

For too long have the docile populations of the West stood by as their governments killed innocent civilians, among them children and violated international law; now is the time for action, even if it is merely symbolic. When the Allies defeated the Japanese Empire (by annihilating the cities of Hiroshima and Nagasaki with blinding nuclear hellfire), jubilant masses across the globe celebrated VJ Day, the Day of Victory over the Japanese. Terror, however, lives nowhere but in the mind, which is only a hard target if it hasn't been softened up first by willful and continuous consumption of junk television and processed foods. No nukes are needed if the people sacrifice their hearts and souls to the foul twin gods of avarice and convenience; slaves have already conceded defeat.

“But Mr. liesmith,” some persons are bound to say, “the president and every other worthless motherfucker on television keeps talking about the growing terrorist threat, and how drone strikes and extraordinary renditioning are necessary to safeguard the American people. What do you say to that?” To this I say: Throw your television out the window, burn your morning paper, and start getting your news from non-American sources such as Russia Today and al Jazeera, because fearmongery only works on people who hear and see it; we who consciously limit our expose to mainstream U.S. propaganda fear nothing – not fictional Islamic bogeymen, avoidable financial sequestration, or militarized police forces. To quote from the First Peoples leader Tecumseh: “When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home.” On the first Thursday of each month, celebrate VT day by clearing the mind of worry and toasting with other good people to peace, prosperity, and friendship. Break out the champagne bottle and motherfucking condoms, oh liberated minds of Earth, because in a world free of the specter of terror, everyone gets laid.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

drones over America

As a sign of mutual respect amongst nations and an attempt by the U.S.A. to prove her dedication to multilateral cooperation with her foreign allies, the Obama administration granted the armed forces of Yemen, Pakistan, and Afghanistan the right to assassinate suspected enemies living or residing in America. “It was not enough for us to provide financial and material support to these, our allied nations,” said president Barack Obama at a press conference held in unseasonably warm weather out in the Rose Garden. “Therefore, we will reciprocate our ability to kill persons we merely suspect of wishing to do us harm who are living in the rugged hills of Kundus or the jumbled suburbs of Aden by giving our allies the ability to rain death from the skies anywhere from Spokane to Bangor, from the Twin Cities to Corpus Christi – basically from sea to shining sea. Our allies now share with us the right bring their foes to justice, wantonly and without oversight, in blatant violation of international law and a half dozen different treaties, just as we continue to do, today.”

In preparation for this significant policy shift, foreign soldiers by the thousands have been arriving quietly on Ynki shores through various ports of entry. Traveling exclusively by night in blacked-out military convoys, the newcomers only got a glimpse of non-military American culture before they arrived at far-flung, mostly secluded Air Force bases, to begin training. “Through a loose flap at the back of this truck, I saw a woman driving a car with her shoulders exposed,” said Garnush Muhammed, a lieutenant in the People's Army of Afghanistan (Air Division), who comes from Herat. “The sight of her has offended my religious sensibilities; I shall talk to my superior about annihilating her, and her family,” he said, smiling kindly. Many of the other soldiers we interviewed expressed excitement about their new role, but also trepidation. “My brother and his children were killed by a terrorist group funded in part by hard-line Islamic extremists living in the western region of an area known as Oklahoma,” said flight group leader Esto Buiyeh of the Yemeni National Air Defense Wing. “I hope I will be stationed within range of their meeting hall; I hope to pilot the done that bombs it into ruin, killing everyone inside. With god's blessing, it will be so.”

President Obama and a slight majority of Congressional Democrats approved the measures, citing in part the fact that America has already violated every virtuous ideal it might have once stood for. “Look,” said Harry Reid, (D) Nevada. “We have stood by these past few years as the president approved the killing of foreigners and Americans not convicted in any court, not condemned by any judge. Is it so much of a stretch that we are now allowing foreigners – good foreigners, mind you, ones with whom we have friendly relations, ones trained by our allies – to operate a few drones over a couple of cities here in the homeland? Relax, people – if you've done nothing wrong, you have nothing to worry about.” The first missiles fired from drones by foreigners operating on American soil have already begun to fall, mostly as part of military training exercises. “Would you look at that,” said major-general Rick P. Snolpe, of the United States Air Force, as a he watched a missile fired by a Pakistani pilot destroy a remote-controlled school bus. “These little brown fuckers can shoot.” Washington has mailed out fliers to Americans who may be targeted by state-sanctioned foreign aggression; the pamphlets read, simply: “Run, but don't expect to hide.”

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥

Yaelong pledge allegiance

Citing incessant pressure from radical Muslim groups and greedy Christian infiltrators, the various Yaelong tribes officially declared their material, military, and logistical support for the continuing independence of the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG). Descending on foot, on horseback, and in battered pickup-trucks from the foothills of the Yiptlong massif to attend the Summit to Secure our Sovereignty, which is being held in the fortified banquet halls of the spartan HM Queen Pylta Hotel in downtown Grig, this capital city of roughly 1.5 millions of inhabitants. Exuberant and battle-hardened, the leaders celebrated their safe arrival in the manner of their fore-bearers – by unloading their Kalashnikov rifles, passing them to the person to their left, and feasting upon fermented green-tuber borscht washed down with great flagons of wine made from czabtyip, a weed with hallucinogenic properties also known as mountain sharpstand. Then, as part of the traditional peace ceremony, the leaders passed the horn of a young ram slaughtered in the ancient rite of yepyündling to the person to their right, invoking the blessing of saint Grigov and goddess Libertas and swearing an oath of fealty and love to their neighbor's family, tribe, and honor.

Rising from her seat and waiting patiently for the assembled warriors to quiet down, tribal leader Erya Rovend of the mythical Farflung Free Nations said: “Thanks be to Lady Liberty, she who inspires our every waking thought, who guides our every conscious act. Despite my initial refusal, the members of my tribe requested that I be sent here to this Summit, the first of its kind in all of our proud history. May peace be upon us all; may we leave here united and strong, a fist full of twigs yielding neither to the heavy hand of American forces nor to the sinister touch of al-Qaida in Central Asia. My brothers and sisters, I love you all.” The young woman then sat back down onto her rough horse-hair mat, her cheeks turning a deep red as all other persons in the hall – even the stone-faced old military types – rose to their feet in standing ovation. As soon as the commotion had died down, Erya was elected to the post of Summit spokesperson, she who would announce its declarations to the world. One or two other leaders rose to offer their greetings and to bless the assembled, but they soon stopped in honor of the great strength and raw purity of young Miss Rovend's words.

After six days of talks, debates, yoga, and heated discussion, the Summit ended. Before sending Erya Rovend to the United Nations headquarters in New York City to denounce Ynki imperialism and religious radicalism alike, the Grigovian Ministry of Foreign Affairs reissued its Declaration of National Sovereignty, asking kindly that all foreign powers leave it in peace and not infringe upon the course its people had chosen for themselves. Furthermore, it mentioned that the nation's tribes would be automatically deputized if it were invaded, combining with its well-trained standing armies to become an indomitable force for self-determination. At the end of the document, it issued a list of reminders, among which were the following: “Please do not cross our borders without permission; please stop trying to corrupt the officials in charge of environmental protection; please stop trying to take our vast deposits of rare-earth-metals without paying fair prices; please stop trying to nub-cut our forests and strip-mine our hills; please – everyone – keep your religious opinions to yourselves; please understand that even the slightest act of aggression will be countered with outright and total war; please ask nicely for the recipe for fermented green-tuber borscht, and stop trying to steal it; please let us decide which system of government is best for us, and, especially you Americans, stop threatening to impose upon us your bullshit fake democracy.” Erya Rovend is scheduled to address the U.N. on Halloween in an eye-slit burka, to protect her virtue.

© mentiri factorem fecit (場黑麥)

on Our forsaken Rights

  Citizens of America: We, the People of this land are at a crossroads, pausing now to decide whether to abandon our constitutional protections or to speak out against their destruction. Not long ago, an American named Anwar al-Awlaki was killed by his government without being first sentenced in a court of the United States. This latest action should not take us by surprise - the federal government (fed) has taken away our liberty by passing the Controlled Substances Act, legislation that robs us of the inalienable Right to live however we might decide to live; it has already violated our privacy and our properties via the Patriot Act, legislation that allows for unwarranted intrusions into previously protected domains.
  Now the fed has proven willing to take also our lives without so much as a by your leave. Life, liberty, and property are supposedly immutable rights supposedly protected under the 14th Amendment to the Constitution; they cannot be taken from the person individually, let alone from the People as a whole, without each individual facing the due and deliberate process of law, so that her liberty might be taken from her. (It can take years to revoke a man's right to life, with that man fighting every step to retain his sacred prize; the same process must take place, on an individual level, to revoke a person's liberty or property.) Now that the fed has proven a willingness to take freely our lives, let us honestly acknowledge that we no longer live in the country designed by the Constitution, that we can no longer expect reason from our overlords, that we sat back in quiet resignation and watched as our country was gutted from within.
  In truth, however, the American People have no protection from the overreaches of their federal government: while the 14th Amendment protects us from violations performed by the States, the Constitution does not protect our lives, our liberty, or our property, from violations done by federal hand.

  We witness with the death of al-Awlaki the unwarranted termination of American life. We witness with the Controlled Substances Act the unwarranted termination of American liberty. We witness with the Patriot Act the unwarranted termination of American privacy, and the unwarranted invasion of American property. Our inalienable Rights are being casually tossed out the window, and we sit here, helpless, smiling to hide the despair.
  Look not to Hope, for she has left these lands - with her she took Happiness, both laughing at our plans.

Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp