faces of women

The first bills we printed in May, 1810, included the faces of women and men. There was brave Queen Pylta defending a moat upon the 100 talent banking note, then there was our maiden, fair Nuuzstathena, upon what was then the 10 talent drachma. We also have honored dames foreign and not who labored to improve all of mankind's lot, like Keller Luxembourg Frank Yiessht and Curie on much of our land's official currency. We urge now the E.U., the Ynki, the Rus, to celebrate people who have shaped for us the world as we know it the world that is ours for sharing their thoughts hopes dreams and working-hours. If not for the imprint of many a lass we'd likely be living without any class and lapping at puddles and holed up in caves and not much confronting the fault of our ways. Now pull out a fifty now cast you a glance and keep you that boner-farm tucked in your pants for all of those ladies that live on your cash will save and avenge you and that in a flash. So raise you a toast to the girl at your side, for she is the source of most all of our pride, for hers is a mighty and sharply-tuned brain that's saved us from ruin again and again.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥]

on Grigovian women

Women in Grigovia have for centuries enjoyed equal status with men. Long before it was popular among the Western nations to grant females the same rights bestowed upon males, this republic's mothers and daughters were equal citizens. The tradition dates back to the nation's spiritual and historical founder, Krikuv (i.e. Grigov) the Watchful, who, according to the tribe's extensive verbal histories, in 1235 Common Error (C.E.) married the daughter of a powerful Yaelong war-chief, rescinding his high priesthood in order to be with the woman he loved. The act proved well-timed; the region was thereafter raided frequently by armies from the eastern steppes that razed crops and burned settlements, decimating all local populations but those located on the Yaelong's tribal lands. To commemorate the alliance between Grigov's band of loyal followers and the area's fierce inhabitants, the nation includes a depiction of Crucuv Pass – an important ancient trade route between the region around the Caspian Sea to the north and the parched deserts to the south – in its official state seal. Furthermore, Grigov adopted the Yaelong tradition of equality amongst the sexes, to great avail.

The second woman (but first female physician) to enter space, Dr. Kleivast Yostindt was born and raised in Pyltagrad. After graduating with honors from the University of Practical Sciences and proving herself to the Soviet cosmonaut governing board by besting their finest athletes in both physical and mental competition, she was slated to be the first woman in space until last-minute testing showed she had food poisoning, likely from eating tainted caviar served at a celebratory luncheon. In the realm of the arts, Sali Obrest, of Gar Nuuzsh, shocked the literary world (and received a nod from the Nobel committee) for her book Things I Learned While Flogging Ilyitch, a novel from 1984 that lambastes the architects of perestroika. She fled her native land to escape Soviet retaliation, eventually settling in Buenos Aires, Argentina, where she became an outspoken advocate of indigenous rights. Among, however, the most impressive Grigovian women were the nameless babushkas who faced down a contingent of Russian military police in the fall of 1988, occupying an entire wing of Grig's central market and refusing to back down from their demands for more equitable grain prices and the right to barter openly. Their action helped to spark the revolution that would see Grigovia leave the Warsaw Pact at the same time as Poland.

Wages among men and women are by law equal in the Glorious Republic of Grigovia; more than half of the seats in state and national Parliament are filled by female people's representatives; and women are just as likely to found companies and chair executive boards as their male counterparts. “An equal share of responsibility for the safety and Happiness of the Grigovian people is one that we Grigoviennes are proud to shoulder,” said Shuireyi'i Oryind, head of the Ministry of Equality and Justice. “During the Great Patriotic War [World War II], my great-grandmother helped to defend Crucuv Pass side by side with her four brothers and (future) husband. They fought off an entire Nazi tank battalion using little more than innate cleverness, a few limpet mines, and the local geography. That tradition continues to this today: Grigovians of both genders and all sexual orientations face the challenges of a global economy, pooling our talents and resources so as to best suit the needs of the greater community. We neither live nor work alone, each person by his or herself, to heap and hoard the largest possible portion of our nation's wealth – we work together and prosper together, one people striving, unified, for a bright common future.”

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥

women choose wisely

Sick and tired of the status quo, and fed up with Washington's shell game of politics-as-usual, women – who make up a majority of the American voting population – chose wisely this November 6th by electing Gary Johnson to the presidency. (This article is an obvious fake, as Americans do not elect their president; he is chosen for them by the electoral college.) At once shocked by the Republican assault on female reproductive rights and appalled by its attempts to deny homosexuals such rights as are granted to heterosexuals, Ynki voters possessing of two (2) X chromosomes had also had enough of president Obama's crack-down on the right of fully-emancipated adults to use drugs of their choice, including marijuana.

“We've had enough of this bullshit,” said Staci-Rose Fluenchif, chairperson of the New Ynki Women's Freedom Council (NYWFC), while inspecting a shelter for battered women in downtown Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. “I'm sick of watching two greased politicians yelling statistics back and forth at each other during their so-called debates, both of them dancing around the issues yet neither really saying anything of substance. Hillary Clinton's efforts at (the) State (Department) notwithstanding, we think that the Democrats, in a hundred and fifty years of existence have failed to do enough to to protect freedom or to spread opportunity equally amongst the various peoples of this land; and the Republicans, well, they seem to have just completely dropped the ball, lounging around in their plush D.C. offices and finger-banging each other over their efforts to destroy the rights of gays and lesbians. Unbelievable.” Walking while she talked, chairperson Fleunchif also managed to review a steady stream of Council-related documents coming in on her hand-held tablet computer.

Upon hearing the news, former New Mexico governor Gary Johnson breathed a sign of relief. “Now, things are really going to get interesting,” the freshly-minted president said. “With the backing of the NYWFC, and with such overwhelming numbers of women voting for the libertarian ideals of freedom and reduced taxation, this election signals the end of the old political processes and an ushering-in of a new era of peaceful prosperity for all Americans large and small, gay and straight, male and female, dark of skin and pale of face. In the weeks leading up to this decision, my staff and I kept seeing sterile-looking properties with their meticulously-kept yards and a Romney/Ryan flag out front, figuring it likely that most of those homes had at least one woman living in them whose voice had been cowed into silence by years of both outright and passive-aggressive male chauvinism coming not only from a husband's political party but also from a pastor or priest and from the constant stream of vituperative effluvia coming from today's conservative talking heads, on television. Our decision to speak directly to these women payed off in that they finally woke up to their own enormous, untapped potential and voted for the only party dedicated to the ideals upon which this nation was founded, those being the right to choose for ourselves how to Live, to choose for ourselves how to be free, and to choose for ourselves what activities or substances make us Happy.” Here, president Johnson paused to answer a congratulatory telephone call from Nelson Mandela. “My fellow Americans, today our successful future lies, as it always has lain, in the gentle hands of this nation's women. May Lady Liberty herself bless you with long, healthy lives and quick, painless deaths. Mahalo.”

© mentiri factorem fecit (場黑麥)

on our current dictatorship

  Michelle Bachmann, on Monday 05 September 2011 (see here), warned that the federal government would become “a dictator over our lives” if it were to make the purchasing of health insurance conditional to citizenship. In support of the point she is trying to make, and to illuminate the majestic, abiding truth behind her words, let us review some of the other conditions that state and federal governments have forced upon the American people, conditions that violate our liberty and that Design to reduce us under absolute Despotism:
  The motor vehicle operators of this nation are being forced to insure themselves and their conveyances;
  The parents of this nation are being forced to educate their children;
  The users of this nation are being forced to choose between alcohol, tobacco, and caffeine, all other drugs having been declared illegal;
  The heterosexual couples of this nation are being exposed to the threat of prosecution if found living together while not married (in Florida);
  The homosexual couples of this nation are being restricted in their right to marry;
  The women of this nation are being besieged by forces seeking to restrict their right to terminate unwanted pregnancies;
  The property-owners of this nation are being forced to pay school taxes, even if they are childless;
  The sick patients of this nation are being forced to suffer needlessly, the cures and remedies potential to stem-cell research unexplored and otherwise retarded by the staunch efforts of moralistic and religious extremists;
  The non-believers of this nation are being forced to abide by the tenets of a religion not of their choosing (Pennsylvania's blue laws, laws defining marriage according to the Christian bible), and they have little choice but to handle currency which bears the religious statement, “In God We Trust;”
  The workers of this nation are being forced to live in poverty, their jobs having been sold to the lowest foreign bidder by native corporations seeking to maximize dividends at any cost;
  The peace-loving people of this nation have been forced to accept torture as a means essential to the common defense of their homeland;
  The gullible inhabitants of this nation have been forced to live in constant fear of the specter of terrorism, their fists balling at the mere mention of Islam, their anxiety fueled by the vague warnings and hysterical rhetoric emanating from TV personalities and politicians alike;
  The minority populations of this nation have been forced to live as second-class citizens, their communities neglected, their schools under-funded, their young people incarcerated disproportionately, and their adults abandoned to the ravages of disease and addiction;
  The tranquil people of this nation are being forced to defend constantly the sanctity of their persons and other such property from unscrupulous local police officers, who, in blatant disregard of any pledge they might have made to defend and uphold the Constitution, too often resort to tricking the
people into relinquishing the protections granted them in the Bill of Rights;
  The millions of registered voters of this nation are being forced to select from candidates of but two political parties, political parties that because of their size, complexity, and ossification cannot possibly endeavor to represent the myriad opinions of a people as diverse as our own;
  The once-proud citizens of this nation have been forced to give up their inalienable rights, their elected officials passing legislation (Patriot Act) to this effect soon after 11 September 2001, legislation that has left the citizenry exposed to willful and unwarranted intrusions into its private affairs.

  Americans do not fear the threat of dictatorship: we have already engaged the existing dictatorship. I call on Michelle Bachmann to expand her efforts, and to join in the struggle to right the wrongs listed above, if not to satisfy her base, then to prove to the rest of the voters that she is prepared to battle oppression regardless of form or frequency.
  It matters little our color, conviction, or creed – we must never forget that our republic is a fragile and fleeting affair, an unusual configuration too easily corrupted by those with much to gain, too readily abandoned by those with nothing to lose. Only through vigilant and persistent action can we rekindle the Torch of Progress, and regain for ourselves and our Posterity those Blessings of Liberty that for generations have been denied us.

Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp