governor slays dealers

True to his pledge to publicly execute persons harming Mainers, the state's governor, Paul Le Page, today beheaded two (2) executives of a leader sugar corporation as well as two (2) convenience store owners. “These sick – and now, thankfully, dead – people conspired to advertise and sell products packed with toxic levels of their addictive substance to children,” the governor said whilst standing in fresh, pooling blood. “Hooked, those children continued to consume 'White White' until they reached adulthood, when the substance commonly known as sugar overwhelmed their kidneys, which failed. Despite the best treatment available here in our great northern state, fine Mainers succumbed to the damage wrought upon them by the uncaring and solely profit-oriented importers of deadly, addictive, and highly-processed saccharose.” The governor's aides have issued threats against the importers and distributors of alcohol and cigarettes as well as the manufacturers of firearms, and knives. “Let this be a warning to anyone who dares distribute potentially dangerous items to the good people of my beloved Maine,” Le Page said, sweeping his arm over the cooling bodies piled at his feet. “We will not rest until anyone who offers for sale things that might harm us is six feet under.”

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

on siding with liberty

  In Monday night's CNN/Tea Party Republican debate, Governor Rick Perry of Texas claimed that he "is always going to err on the side of life." Mr. Perry, you have frequently failed to err on the side of life, sending two hundred and thirty four men to their deaths as governor of your state. Mr. Perry, you may keep pretending to err on the side of life when it suits your political agenda: the American people will err on the side of liberty, always and forever.
  At the same debate, Michelle Bachmann bemoaned attempts to force insurance companies to offer the Morning After Pill free of charge (which would grant the women of this country the liberty to abort unwanted fetuses) immediately after she had complained about mandatory vaccinations against HPV, claiming that such vaccinations violated the liberty of the young girls they aim to protect.
  Which will it be, Rick - liberty unfettered by morality or religion, or the gleeful execution of your fellow man? You do not always errs on the side of life, governor - rather, you have exhibited a ready acceptance of, and a proven zeal for, death.
  Which will it be, Michelle? You advocate for one group's liberty at the same time that you decry the liberty of women seeking to rid their bodies of unwanted growths (ask a doctor: fetuses are not babies, and therefore not people, until they are born); you cannot have both, so do you prefer complete liberty, or liberty restricted on moralistic or religious grounds? Would you pass laws as president to expand the role of your chosen religion in American society? If so, for the sake of the enduring Liberty of the American people, you should drop out of the race, now.
Life is worthless without liberty, so give me liberty, or give me death.