In the latter months of the year 2018 (Common Era), local citizen Eduard Theodore Barnham, a supposed health freak who eats salad and pedals a muscle-powered bicycle, sneezed directly into the palm of his hand. Immediately thereafter he sprang right back into life, using same to handle money and open doors, greet other people with handshakes, even prepare a sandwich for his second-oldest child.
An initial inquiry revealed that Mr Barnham has never seen, read about, or hear of the many public health awareness campaigns encouraging people to sneeze into the crook of their arms, into the sleeve, lap, gap between the chest and upper garment, or literally anywhere else but into their own #%*! hands. Sources close to Mr Barnham report however that he is incapable of changing his sneezing habits despite having been informed, repeatedly, by each of his three children at separate times how to sneeze properly in the modern age. “I just don’t believe that the way I sneeze is such a big deal,” Mr Barnham concluded, shaking his head with a rueful smile. “You just can’t teach this old dog new tricks, I guess.”
Seven people at Eduard’s workplace have come down sick with symptoms similar to whatever he had two weeks ago.
[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]
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