Grigovia boycotts competition

Anyone watching the Mundi Venatus (an international festival of sportsmanship being held this year in Brazil) will notice the glaring omission of Grigovian gymnasts. Long hailed as one of the best overall teams to grace the world stage in recent decades, athletes and parathletes representing the Glorious Republic of Grigovia are for the fifth time staging a boycott of this purportedly highest level of competition. Their reasons for staying away include America’s continued and illegal killing of innocent civilians using armed unmanned aerial systems as well as recent leaks that highlight the corruption and greed endemic within the event organizers’ highest ranks. “We would of course love to participate,” said 16 year-old balance-beam specialist Ghreiya Yastyend, “but in protest of longstanding, inhumane Ynki brutality against our Afghani neighbors, we shall not attend.” Speaking from the media center of the sprawling National Gymnastic Sports campus in suburban Grig, the nation’s capital, other members of the Grigovian team gave similar reasons for staying away. “We boycott the Mundi Venatus out of principle,” said Dr. Heira Glougagon, head trainer of the men’s team. “The committee that runs it is made up of individuals who care more about personal enrichment than human life, who are indifferent to the destruction and destitution some of the nations hosting their event inflict upon helpless populations.” Joining Grigovia in their boycott of the Ludi Mundi are the Principality of Liechtenstein, the Jewish Independent Oblast, and the Islamic Republic of Iran.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

French ban crosses

In an emergency session of Parliament yesterday the legislative body of the French Republic announced a nationwide ban on religious symbolism. “Here in this glorious land, the birthplace of Avril Lavigne, it is henceforth forbidden to display any kind of religious symbol in a public place,” said Lorellayi Cheattou, deputy minister of the interior. “No longer shall the ankh, cross, evil eye, ohm symbol, star of David, star and crescent, dharmachakra (Buddhist wheel), or praying hands be allowed to potentially offend the sensitivities of onlookers by dangling on chains or other such contraptions from the necks of peaceable people.” Civil rights groups around the world immediately condemned the new law, calling it a crime against humanity because it robs people of the freedoms of religion and expression. “Given the spate of attacks carried out recently by ardent extremists, the secular paradise that is modern France cannot afford to have anyone become excited by the sight of any symbol or symbols that could even potentially cause them to become aroused,” said AnLuise Heimer-Guizou, the sitting president’s chief of staff. “Sécurité, conformité, asservissement. Whether by bootheel or riflebutt, calm shall be enforced to give the French people the peace they want.”

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

such unending blessings

The faces swept past and the toys piled up and deep we did drink from the rim of life’s cup and up he went swiftly on rides’ metal beams and bright ‘pon his face shone the heat of his dreams. I spent time and money shall gladly again treat him in the manner of a darling friend and teach him a lesson while waiting our turn about how another man’s respect to earn. It’s swell to be with him and learning his ways I cherish these our few last remaining days and hope to stay loyal to those ancient lessons that bestow upon us such unending blessings.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

letters and arts

Only time will tell if this gobbledegook will have had the power this world to have shook. Ich muss deshalb schreiben und das jeden Tag egal ob ich Zeit hab egal ob ich mag. For that I need focus and visual charts to help keep me sharp in the letters and arts. Ja gut ich bin sieben mal sieben mal zehn und alles was ist wird schnell genug vergehen.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

on craving Kiefer’s Kefirs

There isn’t much in the far reaches of Earth that swells man with passion and fills him with mirth as a Kiefer’s Kefir fresh from the refridge - it’s swell for all ages from grandfolks to kids. Featuring fine flavors like berry and herb in tubs separated according to curd in batches fermented buried underground his Kefirs are the best that you’ll find around. The Kiefer himself oversees each last straining to make sure there won’t be customers complaining he’ll tweak fiddle mess with them throughout the night until he is sure they are completely right. If not in the boardroom he’s out in the fields broadcasting fresh-cut grass to boost his cows’ yields then back he’ll rush quickly to handle affairs that require breathing those Hollywood airs. His milks they make headlines from here to the coast of many gold medals he is proud to boast he’s risen far above his earthly-born station and that on the back of lactose fermentation. Just who is this genius with all the big plans? It’s the homie Kiefer ‘Top Dog’ Sutherland.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

tail and run

Our leaders are scumbags our cops break the law our money’s worth little our glaciers have thawed we poison the waters and dig up the land the sinister killing the dexterous hand. Huge banks receive trillions of dollars to stay afloat open solvent for a few more days the Army’s lost trillions too oh what a bummer but hey listen to this feel-good song for summer. Let’s fiddle along as the whole structure burns and be done with worry and doubt and concern instead lining up with our jackboots on tight with blood set to boil with torches alight. America’s bounty must not be spread out to hardworking peons and upstanding louts - it’s that of the elite who sit at the top who’ve found in taxpayers a sure source to tap who milk and who bilk us then turn tail and run to where they have hidden their wrongly gained sums. If this standard business continues apace there won’t be much left here on Earth for our race but paved-over wetlands but clouds of sour rain but legions of innocents suffering pain. To return to balance most us of must die (at least sixty percent if not eighty-five) whether from starvation or terror event - Mom Nature won’t rest ‘til her full wrath is spent. Sleep well in this knowledge do not get upset for there is some hope and promise for us yet provided we turn from our self-centered ways in these next few shallow and woebegone days.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

clad in black

Ron Bleibfest, former police chief of Willow Grove (AK) and current chairman of the Police Officers Regional & National Union (PORNU) addressed a group of reporters today to speak on recent controversies surrounding statements attributed to his organization. “We at Reggie Nash think that America should be as safe as possible,” he said whilst standing in the parking lot of an events hall somewhere near Baton Rouge, Louisiana. “Statistically speaking, people of Arab descent carry out more terrorist attacks than any other group, worldwide, as we have stated correctly. It makes sense, therefore, for we concerned citizens to monitor them and control their movements here at home, which is why, even if it makes us unpopular, PORNU supports the policies in question and stands behind the statements made.” A dozen men clad in black riot gear emerged from an unmarked van parked nearby, to form a phalanx behind Mr. Bleibfest. Armed with automatic rifles and wearing balaclavas, their name tags had been blacked using tape, as had the reference numbers on their shields. Mr. Bleibfest then shouted at dishwasher Luis Rodriguez, who was walking past on the way to a workshift, yelling at him to “Back up” and not “crowd me.” One of the masked agents immediately battered Mr. Rodriguez, grabbing him by the upper arm and yanking him backward. Not having seen his assailant, Mr. Rodriguez tried to pull away, after which he was forced to the ground by a half dozen officers shouting at him to “Stop resisting.” He was shot with a less-than-lethal device, maced, handcuffed, then taken to a waiting cruiser. “That man was clearly resisting arrest, which in a safe America cannot be tolerated,” Mr. Bleibfest proclaimed, chuckling with apparent joy. Warily, Regina Stockmight of the Southern Regional Journal, Jackson (MS) said, “The frequency of encounters in which police officers have shot unarmed individuals appears to be increasing. Do you think this is because police officers are acting more violently during roadside encounters, or that there are more people with cameras recording merely isolated incidents?” “Is that a weapon?” Ron then yelled, recoiling from the recording device the young lady was pointing at him. “I think she’s got a gun!” At the mention of the word gun, almost all of the blacked-out officers raised their weapons, with one of them firing a high-velocity round into the midsection of Ms. Stockmight. The fresh hole in her spine caused her to crumble to the ground. The agent who fired the round began to cry, whereupon one of his colleagues moved over to comfort him, stepping through the pooling blood and over the twitching body of Mrs. Stockmight. “That woman appeared to have a weapon, which caused me to fear for my life,” Mr. Bleibfest said, wiping the sweat from his brow. “Therefore, her shooting was justified, as in a safe America police officers must be able to protect their own lives - at all cost and regardless of the health and safety of anyone who’s not a police officer. Let’s thank the brave, selfless men standing behind me today for protecting us from the type of dangerous and criminal elements that are threatening to tear this country apart.” Fifteen minutes later, an ambulance showed up to collect the dead body, and to treat the wounded hands of police officers who had spent the intervening minutes beating a few of the camera operators - for loitering.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

in our stead

None watch as she stumbles her back brilliant red from all of the lashes she takes in our stead. Her torch lays extinguished her rays bend askew her sash is in tatters she’s lost both her shoes her crown is well tarnished and the spark is gone from where in her visage it lived for so long. Then hounded assaulted and met on all sides is how Lady Liberty in the end dies should those who’re now living in the U.S.A. not come to her side and defend her today.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥