grumpy cat purrs

In an instant shedding all vestiges of fame and losing every single follower on facebook, tumblr, reddit, and fark, the droopy-faced feline known as Grumpy Cat purred for the first time, last night. The audible indication of pleasure was brought about by the attentions of Vil Ignacio Plour, a 3 year-old human child and son of Grumpy Cat's fifth owner in as many weeks, who bashed it on the head repeatedly with a plastic shovel after kitty had refused to move from a warm spot by the window. Mewling with glee, the feline shuddered with delight upon having finally found a person brave enough to push all of its buttons and punish it for being such an adorably despondent dunce.

Having bought Grumpy Cat from its previous owners – the staff of a small web-design firm in Brooklyn, NY – in order to capitalize on its popularity by first securing the copyrights to its image and then selling t-shirts and bumper-stickers with its face and trite sayings printed on them, Mr. Thomasz Plour, 42, was outraged to find the cat's fame tanking. “I thought this was a done deal,” he said while he was pounding cough-syrup in an upstairs linen closet. “My son and I drove all the way to New York to pick up the worthless beast and payed good money for it. Now, the thing will cost me more in litter and food than I stand to make off of merchandising. And here I thought my late entry into the market for 9-11 memorabilia was a bad move. Sheesh.”

While not a single person in the cat's legions of fans actually heard it purr or saw it leap friskily, they could all totally tell from its most recent video that something had happened to make it just a bit less grumpy, enough to ruin the joke. “Damn it, that shit was perfect,” said tumblr re-blogger wayfunnystufftwofourseven. “Now I'll have to go back to band-wagoning on those stupid Victorian-era postcards with their snide modern captions.”

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