Reluctant to lose the collective knowledge of its aging generations, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia recently established the Wisdom & Heritage Institute (WHI) at Queen Pylta the Terrible University, in Pyltagrad. At the Institute, knowledgeable persons older than sixty years are invited to share their wisdom and talents with the general public in a structured, scholastic environment. “We have much to learn from the people who came before us, from patriots who fought for their freedom against both Nazi and Soviet,” said Derogast Olyindt of the Center for Graceful Aging, a private charitable organization. He continued, saying, “For too long have we let them rot away, alone and sad, in elder-care facilities. I applaud efforts currently under way to engage with individuals of such value.” Classes will be held on the campus of WHI, a refurbished former industrial site on the Yalung River with views of both Lady Liberty and the distant, towering Yiptlong massif. “These our latest efforts were born primarily from American and European studies,” said Dr. Hueiyue Yen, head of geriatrics at Grig's own Yündlennd Healing Hospital. “Numerous meta-studies show that when an older person is valued by his society for more than his ability to die slowly in a nursing home, he leads a healthier, happier, and more independent life, right up until its end.”
A majority of the curricula at the Wisdom and Heritage Institute will focus on vanishing native arts such as basketry, storytelling, animal husbandry, and celestial navigation. A few senior citizens have signed up to teach martial arts, wilderness survival skills, yoga, cat-burglary, and bicycle repair on-the-fly. (The Institute apologizes that these courses filled up within hours of becoming available; it invites persons with experience in these fields to come teach.) In addition to classes, WHI will hold workshops in which older mentors will be paired up with and learn how to guide and assist their younger counterparts along life's twists and turns. Once again, the organizers of the Institute mined primarily American and European studies for methods to combat mental decay and physical atrophy among older citizens.
Classes are provided free of charge once applicants submit detailed declarations of purpose written on no fewer than three pages (single-spaced and using the font Heraldic New). The Institute aims to build camaraderie amongst all strata of Grigovian society while serving as a breeding ground for new ideas and a safe place to test them out. “Students should not expect formal testing, rote memorization, or chalk on blackboards,” said Mrs. Hilde Wendoyend, PhD., head of the Ministry of Education, a co-sponsor of WHI. “What they should expect is the unexpected: making blood stew from goat freshly slaughtered or learning how to pick a pocket while juggling, skills the average person can use on a daily basis.” Donations to the Wisdom and Heritage Fund, which helps to finance the WHI, can be made On-line or dropped off at any branch of the Grigovian National Bank. For more information about being a student or teacher at WHI, please contact your local censor.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
americanifesto.com | updated Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
Showing posts with label education. Show all posts
11 March 2013
17 October 2012
government slashes taxes
After declaring that the American military shall be out of Afghanistan by the year 2014, the Obama administration announced plans to lower taxes for all Americans. Said the President while shotgunning a mocha latte on his way to a middle-school performance of Inherit The Wind: “We are going to cut these taxes by not renewing the contracts of over half of all service military personnel and by waiting two full calendar years before placing any more orders for tanks, jets, frigates, uniforms, or machine-pistols. We've got so much of this shit just lying around collecting dust, anyway, and, since we spend many times more on so-called defense than all other major world players combined, including Russia, and China, we have built up a bit of breathing room for ourselves. By reducing our war-related expenditures and not paying hundreds of billions of dollars to independent war-related contractors, for example, we can afford to collect hundreds of billions of fewer tax-dollars.”
The decision to draw down the military to numbers capable of protecting the homeland – that being the physical constraints of fair Columbia – has been applauded by administration critics and supporters alike; the decision to spend money rebuilding schools and hospitals here in America rather than rebuilding them in far and dusty lands has been met with joyous praise and loud cries of thanks. “The other parents in my Parent-Teachers-Association and I have been curious to know why nearly 54% of our taxes was being spent on trying to kill sneaky jihads overseas while only a fraction of it was being used to educate young minds in our own backyards,” said concerned housewife and mother-of-one Bridgit Romaine-Staudemeiyer, 28, from Seal Beach, California. “It seems as if our elected leaders are slowly getting their shit together – slowly, mind you, but, we hope, steadily.”
“In our age of information-technology warfare, it doesn't matter how many tanks a country has, or how many sovereign nations its forces occupy,” said Ululandno Iishitakko, a security consultant for Heath & Hearth Industries, a consulting firm bent on creating a peaceful and verdant world in which America's troopers can finally come home and get some rest. “When a pod of starving hackers working out of a filthy basement in some former Soviet-bloc republic can infiltrate Pentagon security and hack a drone flying over a battlefield in al-Anbar province, those selfsame scumbags can shut down the U.S. military's various communications networks at home and abroad, rendering them effectively useless. It's a whole new ball-game, boys and girls.” While entering Marine 1, in which the head of state would fly to Camp David for a series of meetings with leaders from South America's socialist-leaning countries, Mr. Obama said, “We're gonna take the money we've been spending to maintain physical presences in hot-spots around the globe and use some of it to beef up our communications networks here at home, networks that were shoddily constructed by sycophantic security consultants during my predecessor's administration, networks so full of holes that they resemble that good Vermont swiss cheese I love so much. We need to start letting the various peoples of the world figure out their own problems; we need to stop acting like the globe's recess monitors, picking sides and choosing winners. We start healing America again by slashing taxes across the board.” As his helo alighted from the ground with a bone-clattering thwacking sound, the president showed the assembled reporters two fingers on his left hand spread into a V, for victory.
© mentiri factorem fecit (場黑麥)
The decision to draw down the military to numbers capable of protecting the homeland – that being the physical constraints of fair Columbia – has been applauded by administration critics and supporters alike; the decision to spend money rebuilding schools and hospitals here in America rather than rebuilding them in far and dusty lands has been met with joyous praise and loud cries of thanks. “The other parents in my Parent-Teachers-Association and I have been curious to know why nearly 54% of our taxes was being spent on trying to kill sneaky jihads overseas while only a fraction of it was being used to educate young minds in our own backyards,” said concerned housewife and mother-of-one Bridgit Romaine-Staudemeiyer, 28, from Seal Beach, California. “It seems as if our elected leaders are slowly getting their shit together – slowly, mind you, but, we hope, steadily.”
“In our age of information-technology warfare, it doesn't matter how many tanks a country has, or how many sovereign nations its forces occupy,” said Ululandno Iishitakko, a security consultant for Heath & Hearth Industries, a consulting firm bent on creating a peaceful and verdant world in which America's troopers can finally come home and get some rest. “When a pod of starving hackers working out of a filthy basement in some former Soviet-bloc republic can infiltrate Pentagon security and hack a drone flying over a battlefield in al-Anbar province, those selfsame scumbags can shut down the U.S. military's various communications networks at home and abroad, rendering them effectively useless. It's a whole new ball-game, boys and girls.” While entering Marine 1, in which the head of state would fly to Camp David for a series of meetings with leaders from South America's socialist-leaning countries, Mr. Obama said, “We're gonna take the money we've been spending to maintain physical presences in hot-spots around the globe and use some of it to beef up our communications networks here at home, networks that were shoddily constructed by sycophantic security consultants during my predecessor's administration, networks so full of holes that they resemble that good Vermont swiss cheese I love so much. We need to start letting the various peoples of the world figure out their own problems; we need to stop acting like the globe's recess monitors, picking sides and choosing winners. We start healing America again by slashing taxes across the board.” As his helo alighted from the ground with a bone-clattering thwacking sound, the president showed the assembled reporters two fingers on his left hand spread into a V, for victory.
© mentiri factorem fecit (場黑麥)
27 February 2010
demon literacy
Our quasi-democracy faces many dangers, but none as evil as literacy.
A woman who can read is likely to read.
Once she is hooked, it is nearly impossible for her to stop.
She will read books by foreign authors. She will read books about different styles of government. She will learn about cultures from around the world that make the contents of her mind a threat to humanity.
Fortunately, we have burnt the majority of such books in our weekly bonfires.
If you know of someone in possession of books not approved by the U.S. Censorship Bureau, please notify that Bureau immediately.
For bonfire locations in your community, call your local censor.
Ideas spread faster than AIDS, and are twice as deadly.
In an ideal democracy, the population is comprised of illiterate peasants with a minimum of education.
They should be taught how to dress themselves, when to brush their teeth, and how to operate simple machinery, but there is no room for mathematical theory or philosophical discussion.
The population in this ideal democracy is informed about the world at large by the central government. The population receives instructions on what to do and when to do it via state-run television and radio.
This is the way things were in America before the commie liberals took power, and this is the way things will be again.
Do not give up hope. It is now only a matter of time.
Examples of the dangers facing the ideal democracy can be found in documents such as the Communist Manifesto, the Declaration of Independence, and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
These vile rags promulgate the supposed rights of the individual to freedom, self-determination, equality, and a level of silliness that is undemocratic and unsustainable.
Anyone who reads such unwholesome material will immediately cease in his labors, found a worker's commune, and don a fancy party hat.
Imagine the profit losses. Imagine the debauchery. Imagine a world where the people have a say in government.
You should be as worried about literacy as we are.
If you are not, please notify the National Agency for Reeducation and Entertainment (NARE), and they will send round a lorry to pick you up. If you know anyone who shows signs of reading banned material - excessive questioning, intelligent banter, evidence of recent party-hat wearing - notify NARE immediately.
Together, we can return to national illiteracy. Together, we can stamp out zealot intellectualism.
Together, we are strong.
Remember your censor, and keep those fires burning.
Compassionately,
Bridgette C. Weatherbottom
A woman who can read is likely to read.
Once she is hooked, it is nearly impossible for her to stop.
She will read books by foreign authors. She will read books about different styles of government. She will learn about cultures from around the world that make the contents of her mind a threat to humanity.
Fortunately, we have burnt the majority of such books in our weekly bonfires.
If you know of someone in possession of books not approved by the U.S. Censorship Bureau, please notify that Bureau immediately.
For bonfire locations in your community, call your local censor.
Ideas spread faster than AIDS, and are twice as deadly.
In an ideal democracy, the population is comprised of illiterate peasants with a minimum of education.
They should be taught how to dress themselves, when to brush their teeth, and how to operate simple machinery, but there is no room for mathematical theory or philosophical discussion.
The population in this ideal democracy is informed about the world at large by the central government. The population receives instructions on what to do and when to do it via state-run television and radio.
This is the way things were in America before the commie liberals took power, and this is the way things will be again.
Do not give up hope. It is now only a matter of time.
Examples of the dangers facing the ideal democracy can be found in documents such as the Communist Manifesto, the Declaration of Independence, and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
These vile rags promulgate the supposed rights of the individual to freedom, self-determination, equality, and a level of silliness that is undemocratic and unsustainable.
Anyone who reads such unwholesome material will immediately cease in his labors, found a worker's commune, and don a fancy party hat.
Imagine the profit losses. Imagine the debauchery. Imagine a world where the people have a say in government.
You should be as worried about literacy as we are.
If you are not, please notify the National Agency for Reeducation and Entertainment (NARE), and they will send round a lorry to pick you up. If you know anyone who shows signs of reading banned material - excessive questioning, intelligent banter, evidence of recent party-hat wearing - notify NARE immediately.
Together, we can return to national illiteracy. Together, we can stamp out zealot intellectualism.
Together, we are strong.
Remember your censor, and keep those fires burning.
Compassionately,
Bridgette C. Weatherbottom
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