strong traditions hold

​Sticking firmly to habits developed over many years of haphazardly studying the human condition, local know-nothing Amanda E. Brycewith made sure to negate any statement made by another person - regardless of propriety or pretense. “You can’t say that,” would leap from her lips as soon as a counterpart would finish a sentence (with her forgetting, of course, that the word ‘can’ references a person’s ability to do something, not whether they have the permission or the right to do so). “I don’t think that’s correct,” would be her immediate response to pretty much anything anyone else said - even personal or professional opinions on topics she’d never really heard of, let alone studied. Sometimes, she’d say this in response to someone complaining about not being able to charge a mobile device due to faulty wiring: “All of the USB charging ports of my various phones have worked just fine, and I treat them like shit.”

Experts studying the aforementioned trend of instantly trying to negate the opinions of others blame it on not only bad habits picked up watching reality television but also the incessant and purposeful erosion of (human) self-worth by marketers and advertisers in their drive to sell bullshit to the self-loathing masses.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

witty friend praises choice of car insurance commercial

For totally the very first time in the long history of mankind, local funnyman Dale Ivan Young jokingly said he liked the commercial chosen by a popular video-streaming website to play immediately before the trailer for a new blockbuster film. “Wow, this flick looks awesome - thanks for showing this to me,” Young said, chuckling over the familiar, repetitive quacking of a feathered corporate mascot while grinning and flashing his eyes at the person whose turn it was to select something to watch. “I can’t wait to see it, ha ha ha,” he continued, patting a love-handle as he furtively made brief eye contact with each of the six other people leaning over a small mobile device trying to get a glimpse of its display.

His meagre spunk apparently spent, Dale absolutely would not - by hook or by crook - offer up a solid, clear opinion about the upcoming film in question, instead sidling away from the group in order to perform a pretend inspection of his vaporizer under the light of a nearby overhead lamp.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 13 Jul 2018

Reaching soaring trees
Cluster on the hot prairie
Like great shady tents

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] ​

haiku 10 Jul 2018

Embrace love handles
And that extra scoop of cream:
Fat is life, basta

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] 

haiku 8 Jul 2018

that one dude’s mullet
is the best thing I have seen

since like ‘89 

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 5 Jul 2018

Jesus’s short creed: be kind to one another; follow Yahweh’s law?

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 2 Jul 2018

​extremism sucks, regardless of origin: cross, star, or crescent

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 1 Jul 2018

armed with swift Mjölnir, his brother a brash trickster, he’s a thunder-god

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]