cop-be-gone

  Have you ever run into a power-maddened, nitpicking, racist, or similarly mentally-challenged police officer? Do you find yourself occasionally pulled over on the side of a deserted highway in the middle of the night staring at an aviator-sunglass-wearing stranger as he bangs on your car's window with a two foot long flashlight? Have you ever left your house and been accosted immediately by a gravel-voiced man who appears to despise you completely, from your hair to your clothes to the way that you walk?

  If you answered YES to any of these questions, grab a pen and paper, and take down this number: 8973302746 extension 5390 sub-chapter 418 desk 0. By calling this short, easy-to-remember string of digits you will summon to your side a pair of Enforcers of Liberty, impartial agents charged with securing for you your constitutionally guaranteed Blessings of Liberty and dedicated to preserving your right to pursue your Happiness any way you see fit so long as you are not infringing upon the Happiness of another person.

  Enforcers of Liberty are trained in the Socratic method, in the pacification of irate police officers, and in at least three different martial arts. These agents defend your freedom, and they will stay by your side until the forces of repression harass you no longer. They are not armed with knives, or guns – their tools are a pure heart, a firm grasp of the English language, an immovability similar to that of a stone wall, and an overwhelming need to preserve individual liberty. So don't delay; call today – we'll keep those pesky cops away.

  Once more: to summon a pair of Enforcers of Liberty to your side, dial 8973302746, select extension 5390, choose sub-chapter 418, ring desk 0, and ask for help.

  場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit