sweet-tooth actually diabetes

Contrary to popular belief, the delight with which local resident Horace J. Winston consumes sweets is not due to a sweet-tooth of yore. In fact, his endocrinological system - having been subjected to decades of frequent alcohol consumption combined with a sedentary lifestyle - is now struggling to adequately regulate Winston’s blood-glucose levels. Unless he makes drastic changes in his daily patterns and habits within the next couple of years, his condition will be exacerbated, and worsen.

On an average day, Horace consumes at least five beers in one sitting, two meals of primarily meats and cheeses; he drives nearly everywhere he must go, walking only a few miles cumulatively. (In secret, Winston knows something is amiss inside but chooses to blame it on the common cold or changes in the weather.)

No one in his circle of friends or relatives appears concerned about the Winston’s fate, however, since they are clueless to the signs of onsetting diabetes and themselves engaged heavily in both sloth and overindulgence. With health insurance priced out of his reach, Horace will also not be seeing a doctor, anytime soon.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] ​

smog settles in

The town of Rykles Hollow, NM (population 3012 as of publication) is unique in the western United States. “There is one other settlement, over in Nevada, whose conditions nearly match these,” said geologist Eluttibandt “Tibby” Dannand of the New Mexico State University, Las Cruces. “This town is much higher in elevation than its counterpart, however, and although it lies far from any major metropolis, the bad air somehow keeps coming.” The bad air, as Mr. Dannand puts it, is very bad, indeed. Tests performed by a seemingly endless succession of forensic meteorologists have shown what the local people have long suspected: their micro-climate contains toxic levels of many long-chain artificial molecules, industrial chemicals, carbon dioxide, methane, DDT, a healthy dose of that new-car smell, and most of the particles that make up smog. State and federal investigators, who change the filters on their gas masks every day – nearly religiously – frequently express surprise upon seeing locals who breathe the air unfiltered still walking around the next day. “I live on a fixed income,” said 82 year-old longtime resident Ida Rimmbrandt-Morales while hoeing a patch of carrots growing in her back yard. “I can't afford new filters for the gas masks the government keeps sending me, so I do without. My vegetables love these conditions, but my doctor and my grandkids keep begging me to stay inside.”

Despite years of intensive study, no one can say for sure why or how so much pollution finds its way into Canyon Escondir Paz Del Mundo, the box canyon's official name. Some theories point to its steep, cliff-like walls and deep, wide basin; others insist that the area just so happens to sit where pollutants from cities farther West, among them San Diego and Los Angeles, make landfall again after having been picked up by sea-borne breezes and blown eastward across the southern Rockies. “I used to ride my horses up through the scrub, all day,” said Jain Nanhoven, 38, the owner of a hermetically-sealed, perpetually-ventilated roadside tavern. “But after Delia, my Bay mare, died of a lung infection, I sold the rest of my livestock to a cousin in Idaho. Now, I barely even go outside. It's a shame.”

Some local businesses, however, are seeking to make profitable use of local conditions. The High Stakes Growers Association, which specializes in running greenhouses and other such industrial farming operations at high altitudes, among other such companies, considers Rykles Hollow to be the prime location for a new venture. “What with skilled labor sitting idle and atmospheric conditions perfect for growing squash and pole beans, we have begun looking for parcels of land for sale outside of town. Our workers will get used to wearing respirators when they see how fast things grow up here, and how quickly their common shares gain in value.” Most residents seem content to stay, and adapt. “I grew up here,” Ida said as she sat drinking tea by an open window near her back door. “And I shall die here.”

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