tardigrade cosmonaut honored

During a brief ceremony held in a former outdoor smoking shelter behind the Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pastor Tina, CA, scientists preparing for an impending launch stood still during a moment of silence ahead of the upcoming launch of a hearty tardigrade. Selected from a group of other hypsibius gagarinorum, the tiny traveler, like intrepid Laika before it, was chosen due to a proven ability to survive in harsh conditions such as extreme cold and prolonged deprivation. Exploiting the animal’s natural cryptobiosis, or suspended metabolism, gives NASA scientists hope that at least one hypsibius gagarinorum tun will reach another star system, most likely the cluster humans call Alpha Centauri.

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

transgender cosmonaut flies

The Glorious Republic of Grigovia made history today by fielding the first transgender cosmonaut in the history of manned spaceflight. Dr. Gieryust Hamel, 42, of the Western State Institute of Astrophysical Studies in Pyltagrad, shall ascend to the International Space Station with the next scheduled Soyuz flight. Once there, the good doctor will study piezoplastic materials in low gravity. “I'm really going to miss my bi-curious partner while in space,” Gieryust said, “but I'm not too worried, because with so many fit bodies crammed into such tight quarters, there should be plenty of tail to go around.” Dr. Hamel is not the first transgender being sent into space: rumors have surfaced indicating that Laika, the Muscovite mutt, spent time exclusively with other bitches.

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