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14 November 2012

on BANYAPAN – acronym

BANYAPAN is the slogan for the 21st century velocipedist. With it, he criticizes timid and hesitant drivers who fox everything up because of their timidity and hesitation; with it, he boosts his own ego and convinces himself of his total infallibility. BANYAPAN stands for Bitch-Ass Nigga You A Pussy-Ass Nigga. It is part of rap song so cruel and so foul that its name has been been wiped from the memory-banks of all major world libraries; when said aloud it can enrage the overly-cautious driver to the point that his eyes will fill with the tears of incompetent uselessness and he'll drive straight home, abandoning his chores and forgetting his errands so as to weep helplessly amid the torn and tattered remnants of his tarnished self-esteem.

Acronyms have gained importance in America since this nation backslid into the tar-pit of political correctness, which demands that individuals lie to each other rather than voicing their true opinions, their deep-seated prejudices, their long-held beliefs; now, in order to protect people's purported feelings, a body must say IDGAFF instead of I Don't Give A Flying Fuck, OMFG instead of Oh My Fucking God, and GFYS instead of Go Fuck Your(S)elf; now, hatred is expected to fester and boil behind the calm facade of the honor-bruised lady, she who has been taught to wallow in silent torment rather than to speak her mind freely.

Say BANYAPAN when someone fails to exploit a gap in traffic; yell it when the driver in front of you taps the brakes just in case his green light should turn yellow; shout it when that blue-haired old bag tries to merge without using a turn-signal. BANYAPAN is versatile, useful, and concise; it conveys one's opinions clearly; it boldly states to a candid world the true extent of one's dissatisfaction with all the bitch-ass mothers who fox up a body's daily commute. So join the trend, don't panic, and speak your mind; but always remember where the exits are, and don't be afraid to flee. Mahalo.

© mentiri factorem fecit (場黑麥)

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