on the Straight Pride Parade

In a well-coordinated move meant to prove impartiality toward any particular group of citizens, and to make sure that no one feels left out, the confederated cities of America announced today events meant to celebrate heterosexual populations. Similar in breadth and in scope to events celebrating homosexual populations, Straight Pride Day shall highlight the role of heterosexuals in making this nation into the really great place it is today. “These vanilla-wafer-type non-gays just keep getting more and more tame by the year,” said alderman Walton K'Kliklei, the city of New York's primary liaison to the straights, in a brief statement following the official announcement. Straight Pride Day will culminate in the staging of forcibly awkward public mass sit-down dinner dates.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

US reopens diplomatic mission to Grigovia

  In a surprising move, the United States today reopened diplomatic channels with the Republic of Grigovia. The two nations recalled their diplomatic staff last year after a succession of incidents that culminated in a spat of very nasty, very public name-calling. Tensions began when at a session of the United Nations the Grigovians accused the American delegation and its European allies of turning a blind eye to Russian aggression in the region.

  Named for Grigov the Watchful, the 13^th century national hero who first sighted an invading Mongol horde, Grigovia split from the Russian Federation in 1993. Situated high in the Caucasus mountains, this nation of four hundred thousand people sits atop potentially vast deposits of rare earth minerals. Upon hearing the news, the heads of state of dozens of different nations telephoned each other in an effort to puzzle out just what the Americans were up to.

  場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

any tongue

America has no official tongue, no official language, and therefore any tongue is America's tongue.

Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

on indirect representation

  When the Constitution of the U.S.A. was written, news took weeks to travel from one city to the next; it was necessary for a representative to be chosen to assuage the mood of the people around him and to decide for those people great and pressing matters at places distant and inconvenient to reach.

  In our modern time, however, news travels at the speed of light, and the citizens can speak to one another at any time and in any place, and they can be called upon, individually and instantly, for their opinion on great and pressing matters. The system of representative democracy under which America currently suffers grants political power to a small number of individuals who are in anything but name the princes of this republic. Individuals who have power will be corrupted invariably by that power. Therefore, we need to draw up a new Constitution, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to us shall seem most likely to effect our Safety and Happiness.

  The People shall be Safe and Happy when no single person holds power over a nation.

  Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

on US elections

  The president of America is selected by individuals sent to the Electoral College by the individual states. Since the American people do not elect their own president, why do they care so much about which poor bozo gets the job?

Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

on Waring Ave., Los Angeles CA

if you love to cycle, with vigor, rage, and daring, then don't be a psycho - head south and mash Waring

Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp

americansFIRST

  I am hereby announcing a new nomenclature for all Americans, one that, by addressing the individual directly and his or her status as a member of this nation before addressing his or her race or skin color, will hopefully be a more equalizing and egalitarian form of address than the forms in use currently.

  Instead of saying African-Americans, or referring to people whose skin color is somewhat darker than that of the majority, as "black," let us refer to them as "Americans of African descent." Instead of saying "whites," let us refer to these people as Americans of European descent (their skin color is more pink than white, anyway). In cases where there are multiple origins of descent, let us say Americans of Mixed descent.

  Since we Americans have a hard time abandoning completely the use of "race" as a primary identifier, perhaps this new nomenclature can help smooth our transition to a more egalitarian coexistence.

  Spes Mea In Ratio Est – 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp