haiku 10 February

For a good clean drunk

Do like the beasts do and

Eat some rotten fruit. [ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 19 Aug 2018

Eating fingernails

Does as much as drinking ground

Rhinoceros horn

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

haiku 30 Jan 2018

Drinking mist and sun
Eating but cast-off debris
The epiphyte thrives

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] ​

mantis meets mate

While waiting patiently for prey to pass, stagmomantis carolina female Z’zhhchk’t spied an apparently suitable mate coming slowly over nearby rocks. Curious, she cocked her grey head toward him, focusing him squarely in her binocular vision, and made subtle sounds to indicate she was in heat. The male began his mating dance, swaying this way then that and rearing up in playful menace on his hind legs.

Finding him properly strong and graceful, Z’zhhchk’t moved into a welcoming position, flashing her eyespots seductively. The male approached further. Once copulation had commenced and he was firmly locked within her grasping fore-claws, she used her powerful pincers to remove his at the base of the neck, eating it as his genetic material fertilized her.

Once impregnated fully, Z’zhhchk’t consumed the rest of his body before settling back into ambush-predator mode, her speckled exoskeleton and complete stillness making her all but disappear into the surrounding terrain. Within her abdomen, cells split, then split again.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

housecat yawns sleepily

Visibly tired from doing absolutely nothing during the previous day but eat, sleep, and void her bowels, local housecat Pebbles yawned, just now. Pushing her whiskers forward as the nictitating membranes below her eyelids shot quickly back, the lazy feline wrenched her lower jaw downward as the tendons in her neck pulled mightily at the skin of her face. The maneuver completed, Pebbles licked her chops, looked around the room for a moment, then flipped partly upside-down and went back to sleep.

Earlier in the morning, Pebbles had draped herself across the floor in front of the door to the room of the first person to usually wake up, hoping to ambush him as soon as possible. Upon having guessed right, the cat loosed a garbled meow, sprang to her feet, then ran back and forth in front of his feet in an apparent attempt to lure him into following her to her food dish, which was however already part full. Upon finding dry food in the dish, she settled in to eat some of it, forgetting that anything or anyone else existed in the whole Universe.

Before going back to sleep for the seventh time in two hours, she spent a few moments staring at a wall, then licked her own asshole clean for an entire quarter hour.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

fly escapes

For days it toiled, dashing itself against every available transparent surface, smashing head and body into anything that might have been a Way Back Outside. For days it wandered among the bodies of its fallen brethren, searching for who-knows-what, picking perhaps a bit of sustenance from their parched bodies, dry and dessicated corpses that litter the various sills haphazardly. Occasionally, it would harass the bipedal organism that was the only other large, hirsute beast moving around inside the space where it had become trapped, landing upon the large thing's hairy bits and causing it to swipe about blindly with one or both of its five-fingered claws. Only too infrequently was the fly seen to exit a trash can or to rise from an uncovered dish of food, places where it might have had occasion to feed, leading the large thing to believe that the fly lived on dust alone.

And then – what joy! – the fly happened to follow the hirsute beast toward one particular transparent rectangular surface, which the large thing then caused to open, making a Way Back Outside and allowing our hero to escape. Such was its excitement, and such was its relief, that it flew about for some time not looking where it was going, and, since while trapped it had not been hounded by birds or chased by larger insects, it had all but forgotten about the perils ubiquitous to Nature, flying directly into the web of sister spider, who promptly bound it up in tight turns of her silken threads, and ate it.

場黑麥 mentiri manufactorem fecit

on francophobia

  A scourge has been spreading throughout these United States – the love of things French! Also known as francophilia, this adoption of French customs has infiltrated our cafeterias as french-fries and as Pasteurization; it has crept into our language as adopted words, among them respondez s'il vous plait (RSVP), a-la-carte, reason, arrest, and blonde. For the love of the flesh yet clinging to my bones, our President Alexander Hamilton even spoke this foul language while he held office.

  In order to purify our society of the remnants of this most dangerous of influences, we must do more than change our french fries to freedom fries – we must excise from the annals of history the names of Hamilton and of any other American, living or dead, who at any point was even suspected of being able to speak the tongue of those cowardly frog-eating bastards. Anything less would fall short of our stated goals, among which we count the cleansing of foreign contamination from our society. Only through vigilance might we prevail.

Spes Mea In Ratio Est - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp