plastic cups stored

Basing its decision on its inhabitants' incessant demands to consume hot or cold beverages without having to worry about hauling around their own insulated containers, the city of Baltimore, Maryland declared the marshy areas south of its baseball and football stadiums the Anne Arundel Area Styrofoam HOLding Estuary, or AAASHOLE. “We rejoice when inhabitants of and visitors to this city drink from one-time-use-only beverage containers,” said Yolanda E. George, vice-mayor of Charm City, while open-pit burning a few hundred pounds of old computer parts and CDs in her backyard. “But unlike forward-thinking metropolitan areas in other parts of America, we're sure that the best place to store our thousands of tons of soiled Styrofoam cups and discarded plastic shopping bags is right down there in the muddy muck next to the local flora and fauna.” Rather than banning the use of plastic containers city-wide, requiring shoppers to bring their own reusable bags, or doing more to protect its waterways from contamination by convenience-addled local drunkards, Baltimore's city council recently released a statement telling concerned parties to go and fuck themselves.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

fly escapes

For days it toiled, dashing itself against every available transparent surface, smashing head and body into anything that might have been a Way Back Outside. For days it wandered among the bodies of its fallen brethren, searching for who-knows-what, picking perhaps a bit of sustenance from their parched bodies, dry and dessicated corpses that litter the various sills haphazardly. Occasionally, it would harass the bipedal organism that was the only other large, hirsute beast moving around inside the space where it had become trapped, landing upon the large thing's hairy bits and causing it to swipe about blindly with one or both of its five-fingered claws. Only too infrequently was the fly seen to exit a trash can or to rise from an uncovered dish of food, places where it might have had occasion to feed, leading the large thing to believe that the fly lived on dust alone.

And then – what joy! – the fly happened to follow the hirsute beast toward one particular transparent rectangular surface, which the large thing then caused to open, making a Way Back Outside and allowing our hero to escape. Such was its excitement, and such was its relief, that it flew about for some time not looking where it was going, and, since while trapped it had not been hounded by birds or chased by larger insects, it had all but forgotten about the perils ubiquitous to Nature, flying directly into the web of sister spider, who promptly bound it up in tight turns of her silken threads, and ate it.

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