Harvard bows again

Harvard university recently announced plans to close the Environmental Science & Engineering (ESE) department of its John A. Paulson School of Engineering and Applied Sciences following a complaint lodged via Twitter by current EPA administrator Scott Pruitt. “Carbon dioxide produced by man’s industrial capacity is not a primary contributor to global climate change,” Pruitt said in one of his tweets on the subject in which he repeated a line frequently used by climate science deniers. “It would betray the trust of various shareholder bodies to whom I and other members of the Trump administration are now or may at some point in the future be beholden were any one of us to appear to support unverified data regarding the possibility of human actions affecting world climate.” Pruitt recently cancelled a planned speech at Harvard’s Business School citing the university’s ongoing efforts to propagate scientific information regarding the damaging effects of pollution from agriculture, animal husbandry, industry, and transportation.

“We were wrong to spread the notion that human activity might possibly be having a negative effect on the ability of planet earth’s atmosphere to support complex mammalian life,” said Rakesh Khurana, dean of the university, as he bowed to minimal pressure applied by an administration apparently dedicated to the maximization of corporate profits at any and all cost. “Going forward, Harvard will toe any line Washington tells us to toe, regardless of what vast bodies of science evidence might tell us.”

Environmental groups on six continents immediately heaped scorn upon the university using nearly every available means, from press releases and retweets to flyers taped onto telephone poles. “It is a dark day for the future happiness and success of humanity when a major learning center chooses to abandon its principles due to slight pressure from a federal government,” said a spokesperson for Global Witness International. Recently, Harvard university withdrew its fellowship invitation to intrepid American patriot and whistleblower Chelsea Manning after acting CIA director Mike Pompeo cancelled a scheduled appearance there.

[This is a work of fiction. No part of this work should be taken as a factual representation of the opinions, views, or policies of any party or parties involved or mentioned here. Cultivate a sense of humor.]

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