Harvard bows again

Harvard university recently announced plans to close the Environmental Science & Engineering (ESE) department of its John A. Paulson School of Engineering and Applied Sciences following a complaint lodged via Twitter by current EPA administrator Scott Pruitt. “Carbon dioxide produced by man’s industrial capacity is not a primary contributor to global climate change,” Pruitt said in one of his tweets on the subject in which he repeated a line frequently used by climate science deniers. “It would betray the trust of various shareholder bodies to whom I and other members of the Trump administration are now or may at some point in the future be beholden were any one of us to appear to support unverified data regarding the possibility of human actions affecting world climate.” Pruitt recently cancelled a planned speech at Harvard’s Business School citing the university’s ongoing efforts to propagate scientific information regarding the damaging effects of pollution from agriculture, animal husbandry, industry, and transportation.

“We were wrong to spread the notion that human activity might possibly be having a negative effect on the ability of planet earth’s atmosphere to support complex mammalian life,” said Rakesh Khurana, dean of the university, as he bowed to minimal pressure applied by an administration apparently dedicated to the maximization of corporate profits at any and all cost. “Going forward, Harvard will toe any line Washington tells us to toe, regardless of what vast bodies of science evidence might tell us.”

Environmental groups on six continents immediately heaped scorn upon the university using nearly every available means, from press releases and retweets to flyers taped onto telephone poles. “It is a dark day for the future happiness and success of humanity when a major learning center chooses to abandon its principles due to slight pressure from a federal government,” said a spokesperson for Global Witness International. Recently, Harvard university withdrew its fellowship invitation to intrepid American patriot and whistleblower Chelsea Manning after acting CIA director Mike Pompeo cancelled a scheduled appearance there.

[This is a work of fiction. No part of this work should be taken as a factual representation of the opinions, views, or policies of any party or parties involved or mentioned here. Cultivate a sense of humor.]

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Grigovia seeks help

Realizing suddenly the extent to which it has been acting counter to the goal of enabling its citizens to live in Liberty and foster it amongst themselves, the Glorious Republic of Grigovia (GROG) announced a nationwide voluntary reeducation campaign. Additionally, the country is taking steps to shut down all ministries and public functions but those absolutely necessary to maintain the country's infrastructure, keep her people healthy, and provide for the safety of her borders and sovereign ground. Former government employees are being offered no-cost vocational training before being reintegrated into the private sector. (Grigovians not currently working for the government are invited to also attend vocational training of their choice so long as they make a firm commitment and show up for class on time.) Most of the funding for these measures will come from the sale of massive stores of conflict-free rare earth minerals stockpiled over the last decade by the Ministry of Natural Resources. Return To Liberty (RTL), as the campaign is being called, is expected to cost in the billions of euros, although, after it has taken affect fully, taxes will drop into the single digits nationwide. RTL is the brainchild of Grigovia's prime minister Dr. Frederikka Velldoyend, her cabinet, and a number of privately funded think-tanks, among them Grigovians United for Freedom (GUFF) and Central Asians Realizing Liberty (CARL). Physical copies of F.A. Hayek's book the Constitution of Liberty are available for pickup at all local police stations as well as for download on the prime minister's website. RTL passed both houses of the Grigovian parliament with little debate and much applause. Thallandia Yündlennd, crown princess of the Grigovian quasi-royal house (a symbolic order costing less per year than the price to replace a few manhole covers) welcomed the move, saying: “The House of Yündlennd applauds the decision of the fine people of this land to shed the last vestiges of misguided intellectualism. My grandfather, who abdicated shortly after the Great Depression out of protest over reactionary measures being enacted at that time would be proud.”

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