legal lèse leche laws

Wisconsin became the first state in the U.S.A. to ban all imagery, speech, or writing that appears or seems to appear to criticize milk or its derivatives. A special Madison prosecutor will oversee all cases relating to criminal libel committed against any type or preparation of cheese, ice cream, milk, and yogurt that is based on cow’s milk. The minimum penalty for committing such an act will be no fewer than five (5) years in a state prison.

Wisconsin authorities are working with Internet providers to restrict access to websites that provide anything but positive information in support of the dairy industry as well as its delicious and nutritious products. Any Wisconsinite who notices that a neighbor or friend is consuming less than his or her full daily allotment of milk is required by law to report said individual to the local police department. “A cornerstone industry, dairy production and processing will be protected at all costs, be they environmental, ethical, legal, moral, or sundry,” said deputy governor Harris B. Schildhand, a former dairy industry executive. “Henceforth also banned are the production of milks or cheeses made using soy, almond, rice, or any other non-dairy material.” The minimum penalty for producing one gallon of a non-dairy milk will be one year in prison.

According to an official statement, milk and its derivatives are among the best foods available. In no way does cow’s milk (which was designed by Mother Nature herself to make small cows grow big and strong) negatively affect the gut bacteria or overall health of the average American man, woman, or child. There is no such thing as a cow’s milk allergy or an intolerance to cheese, ice cream, or milk. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying. Every cent of the billions of dollars invested in lobbying for increased milk and cheese consumption has been money well spent. Remember: your government is watching you, so drink your milk, today, or be sorry, tomorrow.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan