haiku 22 Apr 2018

Like juice in milk-jars
An unexpected thing can
Ruin a good day

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ] ​

legal lèse leche laws

Wisconsin became the first state in the U.S.A. to ban all imagery, speech, or writing that appears or seems to appear to criticize milk or its derivatives. A special Madison prosecutor will oversee all cases relating to criminal libel committed against any type or preparation of cheese, ice cream, milk, and yogurt that is based on cow’s milk. The minimum penalty for committing such an act will be no fewer than five (5) years in a state prison.

Wisconsin authorities are working with Internet providers to restrict access to websites that provide anything but positive information in support of the dairy industry as well as its delicious and nutritious products. Any Wisconsinite who notices that a neighbor or friend is consuming less than his or her full daily allotment of milk is required by law to report said individual to the local police department. “A cornerstone industry, dairy production and processing will be protected at all costs, be they environmental, ethical, legal, moral, or sundry,” said deputy governor Harris B. Schildhand, a former dairy industry executive. “Henceforth also banned are the production of milks or cheeses made using soy, almond, rice, or any other non-dairy material.” The minimum penalty for producing one gallon of a non-dairy milk will be one year in prison.

According to an official statement, milk and its derivatives are among the best foods available. In no way does cow’s milk (which was designed by Mother Nature herself to make small cows grow big and strong) negatively affect the gut bacteria or overall health of the average American man, woman, or child. There is no such thing as a cow’s milk allergy or an intolerance to cheese, ice cream, or milk. Anyone who claims otherwise is lying. Every cent of the billions of dollars invested in lobbying for increased milk and cheese consumption has been money well spent. Remember: your government is watching you, so drink your milk, today, or be sorry, tomorrow.

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

nipples

Every time I look at my shirtless self in the mirror, I get slightly aroused by my nipples. For a moment I imagine they are the nipples of a woman. Within milliseconds, however, my neural processors kick in and my growing excitement is squelched by the sudden and painful realization that these nipples, my nipples, are not, unlike the teats of a dame, objects of sexual desire.
But are a man's nipples really any less sexually offensive than those of a woman? Leading men in all sorts of films display their nipples proudly and without fear of censorship or retribution. Sportsmen remove their shirts in victory, flaunting their largely useless but invariably pert little man-teats. It is fact that a male's nipples are a byproduct of the evolutionary conservation of resources, their development only halted by a sudden explosion of testosterone triggered by the genetic code. Until the fetus decides what it is supposed to be, it develops male and female in identical fashion.
Sometime, it gets confused, and makes hermaphrodites.
Very few men indeed can produce milk from their breasts, although most of the plumbing seems to be in place. What I am trying to say is that man-teats are just as repulsive to some and arousing to others as the nipples of women. So why are men allowed to remove their shirts in America without fear of immediate legal retribution and vociferous communal outrage? Should not women also have the right to go shirtless, displaying their fine and shapely nipples for all who care to look? In our current world, women are not allowed to show their breasts because they are mostly larger than those of men, and because, in certain situations, they produce milk. But when was the last time you witnessed, in contemporary cinema or sport (outside of porn, of course), a woman with leaking breasts? I would hazard to say you have not. But as soon as a tiny bit of tender female teat-flesh is exposed, a film goes from PG-13 to R, while when Dan Craig emerges from the ocean all glistening and moist, his nipples cutting holes in the wind, the crowd gasps and applauds approvingly.
Get over your hypocrisies, America, and release women's nipples from their exempted status. The ladies didn't fight for suffrage in order to wear shirts all the damn time.
Release your nipples, and join the fight for gender equality.
The time is now.

Ultima Ratio Regum.
JP