town sells roads

Hoping to refill coffers sucked dry by years of poor financial decisions, the town of Yankee Hollow, West Virginia, recently sold the rights to its roads. “We thought that, by leasing our highways and byways to Bangalore-Thrimsdale Holdings (ltd.), the town would receive revenues from electronically-enhanced ticketing and pay-as-you-go regional bypass routes,” said deputy mayor Brysz D. Weinericht as he pulled into the queue of drivers waiting to pay in order to drive through the center of town. “But, so far, we've seen little beyond price hikes, aggressive enforcement of the new parking laws, and toll booths going up at our major intersections. I told Beki this was a bad idea.” When pressed for details, Beki-Jane Rathnolnikov, who currently acts as the city council's secretary, said: “I only take notes at meetings, but people keep blaming me because the council sold our water rights to that European conglomerate, and that it voted to reward all sitting members with life-long pensions and health-care. Again, I only take notes.” While pulling the third ticket in a week from under the windshield wiper of his dilapidated Chevy Caprice, underemployed town resident Egon Platts-Duinfeld shook his head in disbelief. “I've been parking my car on this street, in front of the house I pay taxes on, for the past fifteen years. Would you look at this ticket? It says I need to buy an $8 permit, each and every month, in order to park here. I've tried talking to the town council, but they keep adjourning to go on vacation. Do my taxes subsidize the wages of all those foreign-born toll booth operators? Can we expect traffic to get better, or worse? This used to be a nice, simple little town, but now it's just an experiment in fiscal irresponsibility.”

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