controversial statues removed

Amidst a general rising tide of white nationalist terrorism and, specifically, deadly acts committed by a neo Nazi in Charlottesville, VA, various city councils across America have decided to take down a number of controversial statues. Erected during a troubled period in the U.S. history known as Reconstruction, a few dozen bronze or copper statues honoring John Wilkes Booth were taken down in cities from St. Louis, MO, to Tallahassee, FL. “It’s a sad day in this country when someone who brought about such far-reaching change is no longer honored,” said president Trump whilst touring the dilapidated slave’s quarters of one of the South African gold mines he part owns. “Let’s let America’s history stand, not try to altar [sic] it.”

J.W. Booth statues first started appearing in predominantly Southern cities during a time when it was popular to publicly celebrate the traitorous and murderous act of shooting a sitting president in the back of the head. “What he did wasn’t wrong,” said one leader of a white supremacist group who asked not to be named. “Race traitors deserve what they get.”

Controversy is brewing around the continued display of statues honoring other (often quasi-) historical figures of questionable merit, such as Pennsylvania’s Rocky Balboa (a fictional character); New York’s bull, near Wall Street; as well as Illinois’s Popeye and Dick Tracy. “There are enough actual human beings who did positive or beneficial things for this nation, in whose honor we could erect statues,” said via email a spokesperson for Americans for the Reduction of Hatred and Ignorance in Public Life, a think-tank. “I mean, come on. It’s 2017 - time to stop celebrating murderous traitors and fake celebrities.”

americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan

Liberty receives facelift

Nearly three (3) full years after purchasing her from a bankrupt and failing Ynki government, ‘Liberty Enlightening the World’ will receive an extensive facelift. The massive copper-clad iron statue has been thoroughly inspected by a group of restoration experts, who estimate their efforts to repair weather and transportation damage will take roughly two (2) years. Standing proudly on Mad Spit, an island situated in the Yalung river near downtown Grig, ‘Liberty’ is the pride and joy of many Grigovians. The repairs will be be paid for and managed by a crowdfunded and not-for-profit group of local craftspersons. As per a recent press-release, the group plans to donate all excess funds to locate orphanages.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

Liberty shines anew

Under the vigilant eye of the country's leading metallurgic and molecular chemists, and funded primarily by generous financial contributions from average Grigovian citizens, a small army of technicians has started to apply layers of non-toxic chemicals to the exterior of Liberty Enlightening the World. The American government had sold her to Grigovia after de-funding its Park ​Service, and since then the statue has been carefully resurrected on Free Spit (formerly Mad Spit, for the insane asylum once located there), an island that rises from the Yalung River in the heart of cosmopolitan Grig. “All we need now is a good hard rain,” said Dr. Fiyennd Gharszt, who designed the witch's brew being applied to Liberty's copper panels. Once activated by water, the chemicals will turn her golden once more, a flashing shining goddess for all the world to see. “The water-activated compounds bind to any piece of oxidized copper, loosening it from the substrate at the molecular level and allowing it to run down the supple folds of our lady's flowing robes, where it will collect in catchment basins at her feet,” said Eleinna Hyourst-Rahdt, a former molecular biologist and current volunteer who manages a portion of the donated funds. While it is inevitable that some of the runoff will enter the sparkling Yalung River, Dr. Gharszt was adamant that it posed a threat to neither flora nor fauna and that it would in no way negatively impact farms or wildlife downstream. “We have been testing these compounds for months,” he said, “and in every scenario, the bits of oxidized copper separated from the molecules to which they were bound shortly after the bonding took place, whereupon they settled to the ground and were absorbed into the sediment without a noticeable impact on river grass or fishes. As it meanders through the moraine field north of Grig the Yalung naturally picks up its of tin, gold, and copper; our meager contribution will hardly matter.” Renovations to Liberty Enlightening the World are scheduled to be completed in time for the second the Glorious Republic of Grigovia's yearly independence ceremonies, on November 20th, during which it commemorates its self-liberation from Persian rule in 250 B.C.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

on Grigovia's mummies

Students of Central Asian history are celebrating the [re]discovery of vast burial and social complexes scattered throughout the heavily-wooded valleys of the towering Yiptlong massif. Bisecting the nation of Grigovia, the mountains have for millennia shielded the people who reside amongst their snow-capped peaks from enslavement, hunger, and want. With abundant rainfall in otherwise parched lands, a wealth of edible flora and useful fauna, and more deep, vine-choked woodland than most people would expect in a region lying so far above sea level (1600 meters, on average), it is little wonder that the ancestors of the modern Yaelong tribes settled here, and flourished. “Up until his death at age 97, my maternal grandfather would regularly lead me through mazes of tunnels reading the stories of the kings and queens of old that are carved into the stone walls of many of the subterranean halls. I shall gladly help decipher these pictographs and share what he shared with me,” said Erya Rovend, erstwhile leader of the Yaelong's Farflung Free nations and Grigovia's ambassador to the United Nations, who is currently living in South Dakota among the Lakota Sioux. “The proceeds from my newest book, 'A Yaelong Amongst Ynki,' will go to help to erect and operate a new visitor's center and to fund ecological and archaeological conservation efforts currently under way in the valleys of my youth.”

The sites, which include not only enormous mounds used for both burial and celestial reckoning but also entire cities made from quarried blocks the size of omnibuses, span dozens of square miles of what to the untrained eye resembles little more than dense forest. “We haven't seen anything this well-preserved from the ravages of history since the discovery of Teotihuacán, in central Mexico,” said Dr. Zynthia Weinbrenner, an archaeologist for National Geographic (Nat-Geo). “We felt that the time was right to share with the world the abundance and majesty of our forebears,“ said Duiro Vassd, leader of the Uloyindt branch of the First Peoples' Nation, a Yaelong tribe. “This is why we invited researchers, photographers, and writers from Nat-Geo into our sacred lands and guided them to sites spoken of only in myth by outlanders but celebrated and cherished in sung, verbal histories passed down to us from the time of Herodotus. We invite the world to come bear witness to another example of the artistic mastery and architectural cunning of bygone peoples.”

One [re]discovery likely to stand out is that of hundreds – if not thousands – of clay soldiers arranged in neat ranks around the 2nd Century tomb of King Leitho II, a feared ruler known even to Xerxes II, king of ancient Persia. Similar in scope to the terracotta figurines of Chinese emperor Qin Shi Huang Di, the Grigovian statues differ in that they were made using a clay rich in iron oxide, which should make locating them using x-ray and metal-detecting technology that much easier. “We know where to dig and what to dig for,” said Hu Lao-Xi, PhD., who has spent decades in his native Xian unearthing the armies of emperor Qin Shi Huang. “Therefore, we should be able to uncover more treasures more quickly than if the ancients had used a different base substance for their pottery.” Locals have little fear that outsiders will descend upon the area to rob graves or run off with hordes of ancient gold. “Not only is the terrain inaccessible to motorized vehicles, the great height and strong winds all but rule out airborne incursions,” said Thallandia Yündlennd, crown princess of Grigovia's now merely symbolic monarchy. “Furthermore, this region's ancient people stored their wealth in knowledge and art, not gold. Still, persons caught trying to smuggle treasures out of Grigovia will have their foreheads tattooed before answering to me.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Grigovia buys Liberty

In an effort to celebrate the ideals inherent to this awesome goddess – she who has favored the nation throughout its tumultuous history – the Glorious Republic of Grigovia purchased the Statue of Liberty. “In America, it's sad to say, we don't really follow her lead anymore,” said Frank O'Shea-DiTomasso, a longshoreman from Staten Island, New York, who was in the hold of an ocean-going vessel securing a copper-clad arm for transport. “Most people I know are slaves to their jobs, to the things they own, to televised programming, and to little pieces of papery cotton that have dead guys' faces printed on them. It's a shame to see her go, but, at day's end, few around here will miss the old dame.”

As a nod to the tremendous power of freedom, Grigovia now requires all citizens older than 18 years to pass a course designed to teach them how to make the best and fullest use of their Liberty. Individuals are given two options upon completion: they can either have their identification cards embossed with Liberty's crown-and-rays or the symbol tattooed onto a prominent part of their bodies (using a specially-formulated, non-toxic ink that glows in ultra-violet lighting). The most popular area is the top of a hand; some go for the forehead; and a few get inked on neck, throat, and cheekbone. (The tattoo's prominent placement serves as a constant reminder of the person's oath – sworn before a magistrate and sealed with freshly-spilled blood – to protect Liberty from anyone who might do her harm.) People who attend the course learn the importance of both communal cooperation and individual sacrifice, and that one is expected to do as one pleases so long as one's actions do not infringe upon the life, Liberty, or property of any other person. The course is designed to fill the citizen with a strong sense of both personal responsibility and quiet humility so that he or she does to body, mind, and property as he or she decides will best effect Happiness. (Liberated individuals may consume any drug they wish, cut their hair as they wish, and speak freely without fear of repercussion so long as they are not inciting violence.) Plans are in place to drastically reduce police forces once enough civilians understand the power of deliberate action and embrace the joyously peaceful task of mutual prosperity.

“This is to be Lady Liberty's new home,” said Uwelda Iyetast, acting curator of the new Museum of National Liberty, while standing on the masonry pad upon which the goddess shall soon rest. After six months of restorations, the statue will be reassembled on an island in the Yalung River located in the heart of Grig, the nation's capital. (A lunatic asylum from the 19th Century that had previously occupied the island burned down during post-Soviet upheavals; it was fully demolished last year to prepare for the iconic statue, although most of the building's iron superstructure was used to build pedestrian bridges that lead to the Museum.) With tears of joy in her eyes, Mrs. Iyetast explained the history of the statue from its inception to the present day, ending her speech with a standard Grigovian ritual, tossing flowers and libations into the shifting winds of Fortune so as to guarantee Liberty's safe arrival. “Unlike the people in her former home, we Grigovians are well aware of the dangers of allowing people to just do whatever they want and calling it freedom,” the curator said. “Liberty works best when individuals let every action, thought, and word resound with joyous Happiness.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥