With little fanfare and less public fuss, princess Thallandia Yündlennd of Grigovia recently gave birth to healthy twin girls. The heiresses to the (perfunctory and largely ceremonial) royal house of this small, landlocked Central Asian nation were born in the wee hours of Saturday morning to the aforementioned princess and Reginald Augustus Steele, a U.S. born author, artist, and social critic who can trace his ancestry to the founding of the American republic. Now that his liaison with princess Thallandia has borne fruit, two of the world's strongest hereditary lines have merged: a Son of the American Revolution and direct descendant of the Founders of the Virginia Colony, Mr. Steele walks in Beauty, working tirelessly to safeguard Liberty; and Her Somewhat Royal Highness Ms. Yündlennd can trace her ancestry all the way back to wise old king Krukuv himself, who in the 14th Century married a fierce-eyed princess of the most powerful Yaelong tribe and later dug the first tunnels under now-cosmopolitan Grig. “It is good that so few people have taken notice of this event,” said a radiantly glowing princess Thallandia during an on-line video interview. “We are glad to have received only a handful of cards from well-wishers, and happy that we can go about our business without being hounded by hordes of paparazzi.” In the background of the high-definition video up-link, Reginald Steele, whose presence causes hearts to stir, nodded sagely while tending to his newborn children. Thallandia continued, saying, “According to a recent census, the Grigovian people tolerate the House of Yündlennd for the following reasons: we maintain traditions such as the monthly Celebration of the New Moon, which is also a national women's holiday; we live modestly and do not parade around in gilded coaches; we spend our time and resources advancing the causes of personal liberty, self-sufficiency, and world peace; and most of all because we stay out of politics and watch as the citizens of this fine land rule themselves through an efficient and direct democracy.” The twins – born in summer's heat – carry the names Shimur and Freya.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
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Showing posts with label princess. Show all posts
Showing posts with label princess. Show all posts
01 August 2013
12 July 2013
on princely pursuit
“Oh how he pines for me, my Eastern prince,” wrote princess Yahuala in her diary, of which but few pages remain intact. She is referring to Chagatai Khan, son of Genghis Khan, whom she and some of her handmaidens had discovered, bested, and captured. “Always sending gifts this way,” she continues, ”tiny songbirds chirping happily in intricate cages or curious beasts with tails at both front and rear, many of them not surviving the journey up and over the Krukuv pass. Against my better judgement, I keep them, and secretly cherish each one, hoping for his return and pining for the day when his fierce eyes will flash at me and his strong hands will spread me open once more.” On this public forum, the Grigovian Genealogical Society for Discovery and Exploration is loathe to post the rest of the excerpts, but suffice it to say that young Chagatai was quite skilled in the sexual arts and would soon return to cement the bonds between the Mongolian Empire and that of the Yündlennd royal family with a basket full of young cheetahs, a formal Entreaty to Marriage, and fertile loins.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
08 July 2013
reunion bears fruit
During the course of the 2013 Rovend-Yest family reunion, Grigovia's erstwhile representative at the United Nations Erya Rovend discovered that she is not only a princess of the Krukuv line but also descendent of Gengis Khan himself, through one of his sons. In the 12th Century, the younger Khan had fought against and became enthralled by the leader of a band of ferocious teenage girls. The girls, who at the time were out healing edible herbs for a nice bath, had come upon the prince and a detachment of his men while the men were trying to circumvent the upper defenses of Krukuv pass by scaling a rock face. The princess split her redolent entourage, sending a few handmaidens hurrying down to a spot below the invading group while pelting the scaling party with sharp and pointy rocks. After capturing Chagatai Khan, the young lady escorted him back to her father's battlements. Chagatai then sued for peace with the Grigovian people and asked for the hand of princess Yahuala in marriage, claiming, according to the historical record, that “she was the most beautiful and ferocious person he had ever met, a bride fit for the Ruler of the World.”
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
22 February 2013
somewhat-royal honeymoon
Thallandia Yündlennd married Reginald Augustus Steele for a second time this past weekend, in Grig, capital of Grigovia. In this small, Central Asian nation, tradition dictates that bride and groom state in the presence of a witness (of their choosing) to uphold and protect the Life, Liberty, and Property of the other person; once they and the witness have signed the Statement of Loving and Voluntary Partnership, the couple is officially married. (Religious organizations are forbidden from interfering with marriage; it is a secular affair. Either party may leave a marriage at any time and for any reason, but most pairs stay hitched because, according to nearly every twosome interviewed for this story, “we wouldn't have wed in the first place if we didn't plan on sticking together.” Grigovia's court system is staunchly egalitarian – in cases of divorce, children older than 13 years can choose which parent to live with whereas younger offspring go to the more psychologically stable person [with the less stable person receiving visitation rights]; property and debt are split equally. Marriage between couples of the same sex has been legal in Grigovia since 1964.)
After signing the necessary documents, the princess and Mr. Steele drank two beers each, smashing the bottles at the bottom of a concrete staircase behind City Hall (where Statements of Partnership are stored). Then, they bicycled two miles to Grig's main train station and purchased second-class tickets to the western city of Pyltagrad. (The Grigovian royal house has enjoyed only symbolic significance since Thallandia's great-grandfather abdicated in 1912 in order to return the right of self-government to his people.) After a few nights at one of Pyltagrad's many fine vineyards, the couple traveled east, to Gar Nuuzsh, where they stayed for a week with Thallandia's parents. (While there, the not-so-newlyweds set up a website with pictures and videos from their first honeymoon, most of which they spent backpacking through California's Sierra Nevada mountain range.) Upon meeting his son-in-law in person for the first time, King Erdogassdt Yündlennd said, merely, “Hrm.”
The wedding comes at an already joyous time for Grigovia. Unemployment is the lowest it's been in four decades, health-care is universal and efficient, and a new robotic hybrid-electric bus system services even the most secluded hamlet. “The Banoyend [Grigovians' name for themselves] are fair, but they can be brutal,” Reginald Steele said. “Throughout their history, they have expelled foreign usurpers and invading armies alike with legendary ferocity while showing kindness and generosity to neighbors in need. The princess and I plan to use our natural-born abilities to improve the lives of as many Grigovians as we can, she with her engineering skills and I with my art. We are easing our way into society humbly and patiently, so as not to stoke anyone's ire.” As part of the somewhat-royal couple's gift to the Grigovian people and in an effort to promote peaceful trade between peoples, they will spend next Spring clearing land mines sowed by Soviet forces in the mountain passes that lead into Afghanistan. Princess Thallandia is expecting twins.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
After signing the necessary documents, the princess and Mr. Steele drank two beers each, smashing the bottles at the bottom of a concrete staircase behind City Hall (where Statements of Partnership are stored). Then, they bicycled two miles to Grig's main train station and purchased second-class tickets to the western city of Pyltagrad. (The Grigovian royal house has enjoyed only symbolic significance since Thallandia's great-grandfather abdicated in 1912 in order to return the right of self-government to his people.) After a few nights at one of Pyltagrad's many fine vineyards, the couple traveled east, to Gar Nuuzsh, where they stayed for a week with Thallandia's parents. (While there, the not-so-newlyweds set up a website with pictures and videos from their first honeymoon, most of which they spent backpacking through California's Sierra Nevada mountain range.) Upon meeting his son-in-law in person for the first time, King Erdogassdt Yündlennd said, merely, “Hrm.”
The wedding comes at an already joyous time for Grigovia. Unemployment is the lowest it's been in four decades, health-care is universal and efficient, and a new robotic hybrid-electric bus system services even the most secluded hamlet. “The Banoyend [Grigovians' name for themselves] are fair, but they can be brutal,” Reginald Steele said. “Throughout their history, they have expelled foreign usurpers and invading armies alike with legendary ferocity while showing kindness and generosity to neighbors in need. The princess and I plan to use our natural-born abilities to improve the lives of as many Grigovians as we can, she with her engineering skills and I with my art. We are easing our way into society humbly and patiently, so as not to stoke anyone's ire.” As part of the somewhat-royal couple's gift to the Grigovian people and in an effort to promote peaceful trade between peoples, they will spend next Spring clearing land mines sowed by Soviet forces in the mountain passes that lead into Afghanistan. Princess Thallandia is expecting twins.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
18 February 2013
on quartering artists
Throughout the ages, Grig has attracted all types of artists. From dreamer and schemer to musician and entertainer, clown and pickpocket to acrobat and whore, visionaries from all walks of life have made this city their home. Some came to gaze upon the towering spires of the Yiptlong massif, others to exploit the skills of local craftsmen, but anyone who was ever here yearns above all else to bask once more in the generosity of the local inhabitants. Glad to share freely of their hearty food and strong czabtyip wine, Grigovians support unfettered artistic expression by participating in a privately-operated lottery. (5% of revenues cover the lottery's operating costs; the rest is used to maintain live-work galleries that for centuries have lined the foothills east of the Yalung River.) Among the artists to have made names for themselves here are Albrecht Dürer, Felix Mendelsohn, Lewis Carrol (who taught briefly at the Academy of Mathematical Computation), Salvador Dali, Earnest Hemingway, Tom Wolfe, Hunter S. Thompson, and Quwvin Olyast. (In 1914, in Pyltagrad, Quwvin founded a commune for artists and their families. Shortly after the Second World War, he organized and presided over the first Artists' Congress, which provided art-based shell shock treatment to soldiers returning from war and organized the world's first Artists' Support Society [ASS], a group that still provides talented people with the tools they need to be creative.)
In line with the ancient traditions, today's Grigovian artist is painter and sculptor, poet and carpenter, urban survivalist and compassionate philanthropist. He is a Consummate Caleb, not a One Track Jack. He is as comfortable in a graffiti-stained sewer as he is in a fine Parisian salon; his tools are spray-can and chisel, pencil and computer mouse, papier mâché and fluorescent bacteria; he accepts challenges both daunting and laughable, exploring society's weak points by shaking it to its core. His is a world where private behavior is unregulated but the boundaries of public behavior are clearly defined, where the default emotional state is quiet humility, and where few quarrels occur because everyone is armed.
The Nonnia Olyast Work-Live Gallery Block is named for Quwvin's wife, who shortly after her death was declared a national heroine for her efforts to cure homelessness. In addition to funds from the national lottery, the new Block is partly financed by princess-in-exile Thallandia Yündlennd and her fiancé, Reginald Augustus Steele. Now 24 years old, the princess studies mechanical engineering in Los Angeles, at the University of California. On an early-morning bicycle ride from Little Tokyo via Sunset up into Hollywood (i.e. the Ord Run), she met Mr. Steele, who is considered by prudent observers to be somewhat of a loose cannon, although he is a talented artist and good with kids. In an official statement from the Artists' Support Society, Grigovia is now a safe haven for any artist who has ever been abused, neglected, or under-appreciated. Come and all, make beauty wall.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
In line with the ancient traditions, today's Grigovian artist is painter and sculptor, poet and carpenter, urban survivalist and compassionate philanthropist. He is a Consummate Caleb, not a One Track Jack. He is as comfortable in a graffiti-stained sewer as he is in a fine Parisian salon; his tools are spray-can and chisel, pencil and computer mouse, papier mâché and fluorescent bacteria; he accepts challenges both daunting and laughable, exploring society's weak points by shaking it to its core. His is a world where private behavior is unregulated but the boundaries of public behavior are clearly defined, where the default emotional state is quiet humility, and where few quarrels occur because everyone is armed.
The Nonnia Olyast Work-Live Gallery Block is named for Quwvin's wife, who shortly after her death was declared a national heroine for her efforts to cure homelessness. In addition to funds from the national lottery, the new Block is partly financed by princess-in-exile Thallandia Yündlennd and her fiancé, Reginald Augustus Steele. Now 24 years old, the princess studies mechanical engineering in Los Angeles, at the University of California. On an early-morning bicycle ride from Little Tokyo via Sunset up into Hollywood (i.e. the Ord Run), she met Mr. Steele, who is considered by prudent observers to be somewhat of a loose cannon, although he is a talented artist and good with kids. In an official statement from the Artists' Support Society, Grigovia is now a safe haven for any artist who has ever been abused, neglected, or under-appreciated. Come and all, make beauty wall.
mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥
03 September 2012
Grigovian receives Nobel
In a long-anticipated show of support for peaceful co-existence amongst the human races, the Nobel Committee shall award its Peace Prize to her somewhat-royal-highness Thallandia Yündlennd. Granddaughter of King Hyu-Yennd Yündlennd of Grigovia, a full regent who abdicated in the early 1900s at the age of 12 years after signing legislation that ushered in a time of wide-spread egalitarianism, democracy, justice, and liberty, Princess Thallandia carries on her grandparents' tradition of harmonious and environmentally-friendly living and sacrificing oneself for the betterment of mankind. In a written press release, the Committee said its decision rested on her somewhat-royal-highness's work in bringing attention to, and in helping to end, America's more than decade-long occupation of sovereign Afghanistan.
“We made a mistake awarding the Peace Prize to Mr. Obama, an American president who makes war on foreign peoples and restricts the rights of his own constituents, subjugating them with police-state tactics,” said Nobel Committee spokesperson Hana Fiistendun, via telephone from Stockholm, Sweden. “With the selection of Princess Yündlennd, we shall prove to the world that we award Peace Prizes only to persons who actively propagate peace throughout the world, not to those who have neither regard nor respect for the frailty of human liberty.” Miss Thallandia enraged the U.S. Department of Defense when she traveled from one coalition airstrip to the next throughout Eastern and Central Asia, putting her body in harm's way and disrupting the flights of dozens of Hellfire-missile-equipped drones. When asked how she managed to keep gaining access to these highly-secured sites, the Princess stuck out her tongue and flipped everyone the bird as she was loaded, again and again, handcuffed and shackled, into unmarked black sedans, which whisked her away to points unknown.
Somehow managing to avoid being tortured and killed at the hands of America's brutal interrogations specialists, Princess Yündlennd stayed tight-lipped even at trial, preferring rather to take her licks in silence than to speak of the hardships she endured at the blood-stained hands of a once-honorable nation originally founded by individuals who abhorred all types of prisoner abuse. Perhaps her most daring achievements was saving a village full of refugees – mostly women and children – from being shelled by blind-firing Army National Guardsmen, which she accomplished by besting their commanding officer in hand-to-hand combat before blocking the barrel of one of the guns with her own arm. Then, a few months later, she used an inflatable dingy to stall an American naval armada headed for the Straights of Hormuz, thus preventing a shooting war with the Islamic Republic of Iran, which claims the Straights as its own. “I want to stop tyranny, to put an end to war, and to sew liberty and justice where there is now strife and discontentment,” Princess Yündlennd said during an interview held at a trailer-park outside Ghent, Switzerland, where she owns a modest single-wide with her husband-to-be, infamous LA scumhound Reginald Augustus Steele. “As long as the United States of America values profit over peace, torture over compassion, materialism over sharing, and the rights of corporations over the dignity of mankind, I shall be out there on the front lines fighting to preserve that to which monetary value cannot be assigned, and to which no price-tags stick.” When last seen, Miss Thallandia was spot-welding the finishing touches on a low-cost, autonomous rover designed to detect and destroy land-mines.
場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit
“We made a mistake awarding the Peace Prize to Mr. Obama, an American president who makes war on foreign peoples and restricts the rights of his own constituents, subjugating them with police-state tactics,” said Nobel Committee spokesperson Hana Fiistendun, via telephone from Stockholm, Sweden. “With the selection of Princess Yündlennd, we shall prove to the world that we award Peace Prizes only to persons who actively propagate peace throughout the world, not to those who have neither regard nor respect for the frailty of human liberty.” Miss Thallandia enraged the U.S. Department of Defense when she traveled from one coalition airstrip to the next throughout Eastern and Central Asia, putting her body in harm's way and disrupting the flights of dozens of Hellfire-missile-equipped drones. When asked how she managed to keep gaining access to these highly-secured sites, the Princess stuck out her tongue and flipped everyone the bird as she was loaded, again and again, handcuffed and shackled, into unmarked black sedans, which whisked her away to points unknown.
Somehow managing to avoid being tortured and killed at the hands of America's brutal interrogations specialists, Princess Yündlennd stayed tight-lipped even at trial, preferring rather to take her licks in silence than to speak of the hardships she endured at the blood-stained hands of a once-honorable nation originally founded by individuals who abhorred all types of prisoner abuse. Perhaps her most daring achievements was saving a village full of refugees – mostly women and children – from being shelled by blind-firing Army National Guardsmen, which she accomplished by besting their commanding officer in hand-to-hand combat before blocking the barrel of one of the guns with her own arm. Then, a few months later, she used an inflatable dingy to stall an American naval armada headed for the Straights of Hormuz, thus preventing a shooting war with the Islamic Republic of Iran, which claims the Straights as its own. “I want to stop tyranny, to put an end to war, and to sew liberty and justice where there is now strife and discontentment,” Princess Yündlennd said during an interview held at a trailer-park outside Ghent, Switzerland, where she owns a modest single-wide with her husband-to-be, infamous LA scumhound Reginald Augustus Steele. “As long as the United States of America values profit over peace, torture over compassion, materialism over sharing, and the rights of corporations over the dignity of mankind, I shall be out there on the front lines fighting to preserve that to which monetary value cannot be assigned, and to which no price-tags stick.” When last seen, Miss Thallandia was spot-welding the finishing touches on a low-cost, autonomous rover designed to detect and destroy land-mines.
場黑麥 mentiri factorem fecit
27 July 2012
princess Thallandia weds
Hearken here, persons interested in the goings-on of such quasi-royal Grigovians as the princess-in-exile, her somewhat-royal-highness Thallandia Yündlennd (the “somewhat” was included here at the princess's insistence, to convey, in part, modesty). Fleeing as a babe of not yet three months-of-age the country of her birth during its violent, turbulent period of forcible conversion to Soviet-style socialism (said conversion occurring only in the early 1970s, incensed Grigovians having fought it at every turn), Miss Yündlennd was raised alternately in London, Ghent, Nairobi, Bangkok, and Los Angeles. An avid bicyclist, published author, daredevil social-activist, and master of both wing-chung and Shaolin-style kung-fu, princess Thallandia recently announced her acceptance of a request-for-matrimony first suggested to her some years ago by her long-time beau, son-of-the-American-revolution, anarchistic pamphleteer, and downright-loathsome scumhound Reginald Augustus Steele.
According to insider reports, princess Thallandia is pregnant with twins, which she is expected to throw well before the date of the actual wedding itself. As Miss Yündlennd and Mister Steele are each scions of their respective clans, many persons both inside and outside their families hope that they will have a bunch of kids, together molding them into bad-ass-motherfuckers. When asked during a live-chat sponsored by the Internet-website weluvprincessthallandia.net if she were concerned about being engaged to – and pregnant with the seed of – a crazy-tattoo-having, own-hair-cutting, legendarily-unpredictable commoner, her somewhat-royal-highness said, simply, “No.”
As of press-time, the princess was last seen exiting – with Mr. Steele – an invitation-only firing range in East L.A. In a brief interview conducted via telephone, the owner of the firing range, one Felix Fillberto-Henandez, said that while at the range Miss Yündlennd made use of an AK-74 assault rifle, a Smith & Wesson .40 caliber revolver, and at least a dozen throwing knives, using the different weapons well and with diligent and respectful care. The prince-to-be is reported to have brought his own weapon, an AA-12 semi-automatic shotgun, with which he can shoot the caps off of beer bottles at 50 paces by the light of a crescent moon. Reports indicate that most of her quasi-subjects support the princess, while urging, almost unanimously, that she, “Not expect to return home with her painted boyfriend and a slew of children only to have honest, everyday Grigovians fawn over her and pay for her to live a luxurious and comfortable life in mansions and palaces.” The princess, Grigovians indicated, is welcome to move into the royals' own two-bedroom flat on Grig's outskirts, where, however, she shall still be expected to pay utilities.
場黑麥 mentiri manufactorem fecit
According to insider reports, princess Thallandia is pregnant with twins, which she is expected to throw well before the date of the actual wedding itself. As Miss Yündlennd and Mister Steele are each scions of their respective clans, many persons both inside and outside their families hope that they will have a bunch of kids, together molding them into bad-ass-motherfuckers. When asked during a live-chat sponsored by the Internet-website weluvprincessthallandia.net if she were concerned about being engaged to – and pregnant with the seed of – a crazy-tattoo-having, own-hair-cutting, legendarily-unpredictable commoner, her somewhat-royal-highness said, simply, “No.”
As of press-time, the princess was last seen exiting – with Mr. Steele – an invitation-only firing range in East L.A. In a brief interview conducted via telephone, the owner of the firing range, one Felix Fillberto-Henandez, said that while at the range Miss Yündlennd made use of an AK-74 assault rifle, a Smith & Wesson .40 caliber revolver, and at least a dozen throwing knives, using the different weapons well and with diligent and respectful care. The prince-to-be is reported to have brought his own weapon, an AA-12 semi-automatic shotgun, with which he can shoot the caps off of beer bottles at 50 paces by the light of a crescent moon. Reports indicate that most of her quasi-subjects support the princess, while urging, almost unanimously, that she, “Not expect to return home with her painted boyfriend and a slew of children only to have honest, everyday Grigovians fawn over her and pay for her to live a luxurious and comfortable life in mansions and palaces.” The princess, Grigovians indicated, is welcome to move into the royals' own two-bedroom flat on Grig's outskirts, where, however, she shall still be expected to pay utilities.
場黑麥 mentiri manufactorem fecit
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