non-royal fam

The house of our abdicant non-royal fam is focused on helping build shelters and dams not increasing riches or waltzing about while kids in this world still go to sleep without. They live in apartments quite modest in size like any old cluster of regular guys like any old troupe gang army murder clan from this side of Nowhere to Afghanistan. We thank them for staying here within our fen and taking our cause up again and again and fighting for us here in Grigovia for arbor vox populi et patria. All their fine castles now house works of art and all of their efforts do twinge at the heart and buoy the spirit and make the hairs rise so lift up those features and open those eyes; tomorrow is a myth as is yesterday and all of one's life is just now and today.

​© americanifesto / 場黑麥

dispatches from nowhere

Last week, a group of researches working for the Grigovian Historical and Genealogical Society (est. 1844) discovered a cache of documents buried away in the dustier vaults of the Dusty Vaults section of the Great British Genealogical Society's satellite branch, in Sedgwick. Reports indicate that the papers include dispatches from the Yündlennd royal family to other heads of state, finding generated by the now defunct Pan-Grigovian League of Exploration and Discovery, and detailed accounts of societal and economic develpments occuring at the time in Europe, America, Africa, and Asia. While all of the documents are sure to generate years of study and outbursts of exuberant wonder, one item – written by eminent explorer Uudyesst T. Muirgon while he was searching for the source of the Congo River – says, simply: “We have found the center of no-where. It is quiet here, and lovely.”

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

reunion bears fruit

During the course of the 2013 Rovend-Yest family reunion, Grigovia's erstwhile representative at the United Nations Erya Rovend discovered that she is not only a princess of the Krukuv line but also descendent of Gengis Khan himself, through one of his sons. In the 12th Century, the younger Khan had fought against and became enthralled by the leader of a band of ferocious teenage girls. The girls, who at the time were out healing edible herbs for a nice bath, had come upon the prince and a detachment of his men while the men were trying to circumvent the upper defenses of Krukuv pass by scaling a rock face. The princess split her redolent entourage, sending a few handmaidens hurrying down to a spot below the invading group while pelting the scaling party with sharp and pointy rocks. After capturing Chagatai Khan, the young lady escorted him back to her father's battlements. Chagatai then sued for peace with the Grigovian people and asked for the hand of princess Yahuala in marriage, claiming, according to the historical record, that “she was the most beautiful and ferocious person he had ever met, a bride fit for the Ruler of the World.”

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a fortuitous mugging

An otherwise uneventful visit to Los Angeles by the Jianus family was interrupted recently by armed robbery. “Can you imagine!?” said Hulfu, at 14 years the youngest child and only boy. “All the movies I have ever seen were coming true. There was the man standing with the knife and asking for our wallets. So cool!” The Jianus', a Finnish family, had traveled to America's West Coast to go to Disneyland and learn how to surf, and up until the time of the mugging everything had been running smoothly. “Then, though, Dad decided to save some money by traveling to Venice boardwalk by bus instead of by cab,” said Estra, the middle child, a maiden of 16 years. “We find ourselves deep in East Los Angeles, and as soon as we get off the bus, a dirty man jumps up from where he was lying in a pile of trash. He rips the map from my father's hands and puts a weapon in my mother's face, saying he wants money. My father throws his wallet at him and we all run the other way. Wow. I can't wait to tell my friends back in Oulu.“

“Because none of us were injured, my husband refused to call the police,” said Tilda, the family's matriarch, a lithe woman of 37 years. “I mentioned to the hotel concierge what had happened, and she made the call. I don't think they found the poor man, and I don't expect to recover what money was lost, but I hope our experience will cause other people to be more careful than we were.” The Jianus' have been staying at a hotel in Downtown L.A., the nexus for most city bus lines. “On every block of Broadway, there seem to be three different buses going in six different directions,” said 19 year old Xantha, the eldest daughter. “I feel bad that my father threw his wallet at the man, whose feet were swollen and covered with large blisters and who was obviously a little crazy in the head. Maybe before we leave I go back and give him some hot food and more money.”

Violent crime is relatively rare in Finland; the Jianus' story has been taken up by that country's press corps and reprinted by all of its major news outlets. “Lots of people praise me for relinquishing my wallet and then running, instead of just running,” said Ervost Jianus, age 40. “And anyway, as a seasoned world traveler, I never leave my hotel room with important documents on my person, so the wallet contained only a few hundred dollars in cash. I shall likely be made to sleep on the couch for a few weeks, but that is a price I accept for giving my children an experience they will never forget.” In the week after this story first hit Finnish shores, travel bookings from Helsinki to Los Angeles increased fivefold.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥