Burlington, VT - In an apparent attempt to keep herself involved in recent conversations with the family of her son’s wife, Geraldine A. Carey, 62, feigned interest by saying, repeatedly, “That’s right.” Everyone in earshot, from her children to her grandchildren, could tell that the elderly matron had no fucking clue what anyone was talking about and was just waiting for an excuse to pour herself another three fingers of ice-cold vodka.
As the family reunion progressed and the alcohol content of her blood increased, Geraldine said “That’s right” in response to people making well-thought-out and educated statements about the fragile state of Internet security, the ongoing war in Syria, the possibility of liquid oceans on Jupiter’s moon Europa, as well as the likelihood that her second-eldest daughter is gay. Few persons present dwelled consciously upon the woman’s repeated use of the aforementioned phrase, preferring rather to ignore her rantings.
At one point toward the end of the day, the youngest brother of the son’s wife, a fellow named Steve, brought up the topic to his sister while the latter stood wiping down wine glasses. Refusing to look at him, she shook her head and tried not to cry. Much to the relief of children and grandchildren everywhere, a recent unofficial poll conducted by the Blomkwist Center for Family Research shows that 85% of alcoholic American grandmothers are starting to prefer “Uh huh” and “Oh really” to “That’s right.”
americanifesto / JPR / whorphan / 場黑麥
No comments:
Post a Comment